How do you cope?

Discussion in 'Long Term Trying To Conceive' started by Blue12, Aug 27, 2009.

  1. Blue12

    Blue12 icsi miracle xo

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    I try to keep myself busy - but it never fails to be on my mind and feel like the weight of the world in on me and it feels like it is hard to breath.

    Would anyone mind sharing how they cope?
     
  2. Wshng4Baby

    Wshng4Baby Well-Known Member

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    Not thinking about it is the hardest thing. I have only been TTC for 7 months, but I am recently diagnosed with PCOS and I did not respond to my first round of Clomid (100 mg) so now I am on Metformin. I already feel crushed, and seeing babies used to be my favorite thing, but now I hate it. I don't want to hold friends' babies, I want to hold my own. I can't imagine being at the 3 year mark of TTC... so I think the real question is how do you cope? I don't know what I will do if I don't get pregnant before the 1 year mark.
     
  3. Blue12

    Blue12 icsi miracle xo

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    I hope you don't have to see the 1 year mark either.
     
  4. Farie

    Farie Well-Known Member

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    Its hard, just admitting that has helped me.
    Also not beating yourself up for the bad days, we all have them and they are normal.

    Beyond that its just a case of keeping busy, filling the days with other stuff, finding additional hobbies to fill the moments and your head.

    And developing the strong belief that you WILL have a little one, somehow, some day, you will.
     
  5. cazhd

    cazhd LTTTC

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    Like you blue i feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, some days more than others. I went thru a stage earlier this year when i really wasn't coping so me and dh since have made sure were always busy and got plenty of things to look forward to like holidays and i feel although i'm still on this emotional rollercoaster i've also got nice exciting things to look forward too which helps take the focus away from ltttc when it's get to much. Dh tells me i need to stop beating myself up over it but easier said than done after 27 months but you'll know how that feels.

    Take care :hugs:
     
  6. Jasmine79

    Jasmine79 Well-Known Member

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    its just hard, some days are worse than others, I find myself staying away from friends of mine who are ither pregnant, or have babies, because its just too painful..I find it so unfair that people who dont want babies get pregnant "by accident" while here I am consciously working at it, praying for it, being medically induced towards it, going through millions of tests for it, and it still isnt happening, almost 3 years now, now how fair is that!
     
  7. LadyBee

    LadyBee PQ and CT miracle boys

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    I feel just like Farie. It's amazing when I look back at how long I've been doing this I wonder how I keep going...but I guess that's the point, I just keep looking forward.
    :hug:
     
  8. Diana_

    Diana_ TTC on Clomid round 4

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    It's an up and down journey. You're in a down spot, and for me, I just keep thinking that the downs are part of the ride and that it *will* get better.

    I plan something nice to celebrate every month that doesn't work. Last month was a dinner out, a treat for DH and me. DH and I are starting some new hobbies (dancing lessons and tennis lessons) to keep busy and enjoying life. We're just downright spoiling ourselves, and why not since we don't have kids to pay for?

    It's hard and good to know that we all struggle with obsessive thoughts and rough patches.
     
  9. reallyready

    reallyready Well-Known Member

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    Have started visualizing for 20 minutes a day. Most of the time my mind wanders, but it is a 20 minute period to myself to just try to let my mind try to imagine being pregnant and having a baby. During this time I find myself praying too in my own way. I'm about to go buy some books to read about other women who have gone through this: unexplained infertility.
    Got a BFN today at 15 dpo.
    I think crying is needed on some days and I let myself some alone time to do it. I don't have any friends trying and don't have any in town friends with babies. We have told barely anyone (and no one we see on a regular basis) that we are TTC. You all are my safe haven for talking about it, but I think it would be really really hard to be TTC with in town friends or hanging out with friends with babies already unless they are your bosom buddies and you love their kids. I do that on vacation when I go to see best friends with kids. I throw myself into playing with their kids and I've done all right with that so far.
    Oh and I watch stand up comedy to get my mind off it and laugh. That helps since an hour can go by and I haven't thought to look at my chart. :laugh2: Yes, I stare at my chart sometimes. It's certainly not a good idea.
    xxx
     
  10. Charlie19

    Charlie19 Well-Known Member

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    I try to cope, try to think of all the things I do have rather than the things I don't...

    I write a list of good and bad things in my life and if there are any other bad ones try to solve them with practical solutions e.g. stress at work, timetable my day to get the job done. argue with other half, sit down sort it out. Bad hair- go to hair dressers.....etc

    Than I soon realise there is only one thing on the bad list and a million things on the good list and all the other bad ones are trivial anyway.....

    Remember all the girls around that havn't even had the chance to TTC as they have not found someone special enough, we are soo lucky that we have found a special person to spend our lives with, i would trade him for all the babies in the world !!!

    as I said i try to cope..... i distract myself with other things.....really if i am honest and think about things, i am not really coping just spending time fooling myself into thinking that i am

    chin up chicken you are not alone x
     
  11. reallyready

    reallyready Well-Known Member

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    Chin up chicken made me laugh so hard. Thanks!
     
  12. Charlie19

    Charlie19 Well-Known Member

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    glad i could help !!!! lol
     
  13. puppymom32

    puppymom32 Mommy to Xavier

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    I pretty much stay away from pregnant people and babies. I steal my 5 year old neice and play with her. Spoil her rotten and give her back to her mom. I am her favorite aunt because I treat her like I would my own. I know she is not but it is nice pretending. I also spoil my puppy and play with her. She has really helped take aways some of the baby issues I have had. I keep myself busy playing softball 3 nights a week. I go out and party at least once or twice a month (not during the tww of course) but because I can I dont have to get a babysitter my pup can stay in her cage. I go on the boat with my husband and do as much grown up things as we can together becuase in my heart i know someday it will all change when a little one comes along.
     
  14. reallyready

    reallyready Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for making this point Puppymom! This is also something I do and focus on and it really helps to shift my coping blues. Going out with DH as often as we can because that will change. My siblings all have kids/babies and a lot of them haven't been out or had a real vacation in years. So seeing and doing and enjoying as much as we can in the city or on vacation is such a great way to get through from cycle to cycle for me. Going into the 16th cycle any minute.....
     
  15. brooklyn1

    brooklyn1 Well-Known Member

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    Chin up chicken made me laugh too, thanks, we all need to hear it sometimes when we start to feel sorry for ourselves.
    This is such a tough thing, and some days are much worse than others. Everyone's words were so inspiring and also touching- this is a thread I needed to read today!
    I've been trying to do what everyone else is doing- fun things with dh, enjoying my freedom, reminding myself of all of the things I do have, trying to keep in mind that I will be a mom one way or another and it's the not knowing how that is the really hard part.
    I've also been trying to ask for support when I need it from friends. That's hard for so many reasons- one because this issue feels private, also because so many people around us don't know what it's like to go through this. But I've found that telling some people that I trust is helpful- even if they don't know exactly what to say. It makes me feel less isolated.
     
  16. Blue12

    Blue12 icsi miracle xo

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    Brooklyn I know what you mean about feeling less isolated when you tell a few people - even if they don't say all the right things.


    Thank you everyone for sharing - I love hearing new ideas and positive outlooks.
     
  17. oliveoyl

    oliveoyl Well-Known Member

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    I guess I have good days and not so good days.
    I had been holding it all in, but due to ending up in hospital had to tell a few friends. It has been so lovely having their support.
    Keeping busy helps me.
    Most of the time forums like these help me vent and come to terms with what is going on, but other times I feel like it makes me focus too much.
    Just trying to chill out till xmas, then get some more help if we need, but not so easy in the TWW!
     
  18. Kelly9

    Kelly9 Well-Known Member

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    The last time I needed a huge distraction was when I was in between jobs and my whole house ended up getting painted save one bathroom! I will be working on that soon I think. :rofl: I also finished scrapbooking my wedding pictures. Now I find there is not much to do and knowing I am so close to my IUI appointment I find myself going out of my skin. I also try to visualize and pray in my own way, normally before sleep or after sex I picture the spermies making their way up my uterus to the egg then I throw in some nice thoughts to whoever above is listening to them and hope and pray. I find it soothing. Thankfully I will be starting nursing in 1.5 weeks, my second university degree and that will surely keep me busy. I also have a stethoscope and just sit there listening to my heat beat sometimes to, it's calming. Maybe one day I'll be able to hear my baby's heart beat when it's big enough in my tummy.
     
  19. CareBear

    CareBear Is considering whats next

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    Sometimes I cope sometimes I don't, just generally getting on with life helps. Things have felt easier the last few months and like puppymom I've found getting a puppy has really helped as he is like a child that needs looking after. I think just kind of accepting that I'm not getting pregnant anytime soon has helped. When we first started TTCing you are kind of on tenterhooks every cycle to find if you are pregnant or not. Now I expect to not be pregnant and therefore I'm not disappointed when AF shows her face. I am also hoping to be taken by surprise one month too. I still symptom spot towards the end of each cycle but don't get my hopes up.
     
  20. Nathyrra

    Nathyrra Levi's Mammy

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    Sometimes I'm stronger than other times. I try and get my feelings out in the open as soon as possible so they don't snowball. Be it a good cry, or a good screaming match at myself. Helps sometimes. Also, a new recent coping mechanism for me; a sense of humor. Making myself chuckle, watching funny movies, listening to funny songs, having a good natter with someone who won't bring up baby talk. All refreshing to me.

    I'm thinking of going on a break until January. It's been a very taxing year for me. Somehow thinking about the break doesn't bother me so much because I'M choosing to stop, it's not out of my hands. If that makes sense? It's about time there was some control back!

    x
     

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