How do you cope?

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive' started by FJL, Apr 4, 2007.

  1. FJL

    FJL Heartbroken after m/c

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    When you're TTC and friends and relatives fall pregnant quicker than you? What about when they have the baby, do you find it hard to visit them at the hospital?

    My husbands cousin is due anyday now and my SIL is due next month and if i'm not preg, I don't think I can bring myself to go and see the babies???

    I feel terrible for feeling this way but I think it would make me too upset and I just don't think I would be able to pretend I was happy.

    Does anyone esle feel like this, and if you do, how do you cope with it?

    I try to be happy for them, but I just can't be :cry:

    I feel like the only people I can be happy for are those who have been trying for a while or who have had problems...is that bad? I just can't shake these feelings, I know its not nice but I just really can't help it.
     
  2. Arcanegirl

    Arcanegirl Bazinga!!

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    I found it very hard to cope when my Sis in law had her baby. i Felt very numb and we didnt go see her untill just before she left the hospital.
    I got over it though and loved spending time with my neice.

    Ive seen so many people get pg, even ttc buddies of mine (some even have their babies now) and i just got used to it, dont think of it much now.

    Having said that i found out a girl at work was 25 weeks pg and i found that hard to cope with, being that she had gotten so far through the pregnancy and not known about it.
     
  3. Wobbles

    Wobbles WoBbLeWoBbLe
    Administrator

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    I often don't cope emotionally very well.

    I'm ok on the forum & I love seeing newborns & lil ones (my sister is 3) - that just doesn't seem to bother me at all but I find 'bumps' give me a lump in my throat because I want the bump :cry:

    It's really quite normal to feel how you do. I avoided poor Imi for a while but she understood bless her & there was a time I needed a friend 2 weeks ago & she was there for me without a doubt offering to help & listen & you know what I didn't find it hard at all I had avoided her & worried how I'd feel about a friend for nothing. Of course theres still a part of me hurting over my situation & the want is still there but I really think now if you get yourself wound up thinking you will feel 'uncomfy' around pg women then you will be uncomfortable - does that make sense?

    Seeing a stranger still makes me feel :cry: but I've realised I'm happy for my friends ... not that I ever wasn't I just thought & convinced myself I would feel resentful or something & I didn't want to feel like that so I avoided it just incase ...
     
  4. LynnieH

    LynnieH Well-Known Member

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    Big :hugs: to all of you TTC. IT must be so hard for you, I can't even begin to understand the pain you feel but just wanted to let you know I care!
     
  5. Imi

    Imi .

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    I knew you wern't avoiding me on puropse and i know it must be hard ...

    A HUGE part of me felt so gulity when i got PG because of what my friend was going through.

    I wish each of you all the luck and stregnth in the world, and no matter how tough the journey i know you will each get through in your own way ... but we are all here for you!
    xxx
     
  6. Tam

    Tam Mum of 2 - PG with No.3

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    I second what Imi said......The best of luck to you all :hugs: :hugs: x
     
  7. Helen

    Helen ICSI Twins + miracle BFP

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    I used to cope by avoiding whenever I possibly could. Sometimes you just can't avoid it though and I used to take a deep breathe and try to shut off my emotions for as long as it took. Then I had a really good blub afterwards. :cry:

    Like Wobbles, I used to have problems with bumps and new babies. Toddlers and small children I was ok with.

    Can you skip visiting the cousin? How close are you to them? SIL is going to be impossible to avoid. Get DH to do any shopping so all you have to do is show up. I also used to avoid holding new babies, in fact I still feel a bit weird about that. Focus on SIL rather than baby when you visit, I found that made it easier too.

    You are not alone :hugs:

    H

    xx
     
  8. FJL

    FJL Heartbroken after m/c

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    Thanks guys.

    Helen - I can definitely avoid the cousin - DH is going to ring her (his cousin) and we'll just send her a card from both of us.

    SIL on the other hand, well, she lives 4hrs away, and we have a farm, so we can avoid it for a little while. It doesn't help that SIL is a bitch and I hate her...I probably wouldn't be that happy for her anyway!

    I have to see my Sister and Mum next month just for the day...they asked me to stay the night, but i've made up an excuse...I just can't spend a whole 24hrs hearing about her new pregnancy :(

    I am the same as you Helen, in that I don't at all mind seeing toddlers or kids, but babies, especially new borns I just don't think I can handle at this stage.

    It upsets me just to see pregnant strangers down the street, or those with little bubs.

    Keep your baby dust coming girls - I need it!
     

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