How do you deal as a couple?

[ilovecheese]

With the stress. The stress has really been wearing on us. We're fighting. We're both unhappy and feeling like this will never happen. We don't have money. We don't have fertility insurance. It's hard not to blame him. I have had 3 kids on my own; he has MFI. I try not to cast blame b/c I know it doesn't help any, but I can't say that the thought doesn't cross my mind on occasion.

So how do you guys deal?

 

[Whitbit22]

Im in almost the same boat as you, we are all selfpay.. and DH is transitioning to a new job.. hopefully that helps with the stress as he hated his old job! Sometimes I feel like it's all on me though.. like he doesnt talk about it or focus on it near as much as I do. All you can do is try to have a little PMA. It will happen--just a matter of when. Even if you dont feel so confident yourself, reassure him that it will all be ok. His stress can lead to performance anxiety--not good if you want to catch eggy!

 

[ANGEL223]

Im so lucky, my DH is an absolute honey. We are having ICSI for male factor but i dont blame him at all. We share everything - all our thoughts and hopes which really helps. We have had one failed cycle and he attended all the appointments, did all my injections and was so patient every step of the way even when i was flipping out He is just so supportive. We are so lucky that we have our own company, but its only small and like everyone, times are tough but DH has taken on extra work to pay the bills and promises he will do so as long as i can stand being pumped full of drugs!!!!

 

[maratobe]

its hard!! we are only young and i think that makes it harder.....trying for so long and having people frown on us for wanting this and trying so hard when we have all the time in the world to do it.....and we have been known to fight a fair bit behind closed doors but we truely love each other and know what we want in life and that keeps us going!!

 

[ilovecheese]

Im in almost the same boat as you, we are all selfpay.. and DH is transitioning to a new job.. hopefully that helps with the stress as he hated his old job! Sometimes I feel like it's all on me though.. like he doesnt talk about it or focus on it near as much as I do. All you can do is try to have a little PMA. It will happen--just a matter of when. Even if you dont feel so confident yourself, reassure him that it will all be ok. His stress can lead to performance anxiety--not good if you want to catch eggy!

Yeah, I feel the same way about the fact that i focus on it much more than he does... I don't know how NOT to, honestly.

It's just we've began to doubt that is is going to happen... we can't afford IVF or anything like that... now I am CD 16 on 50mg of Clomid and no hint of ovulation- the OPKs are really light.

He has started to get a little performance anxiety, so I have stopped sharing as much about what's going on with my chart etc... but it sucks to not have anyone to talk to about it.

Bottom line? I hate being a woman.

 

[Whitbit22]

I had the best dream this morning. I dreamed we were having IVF and had three transfered at once and I remember thinking at least one has to take. And I got my bfp. Oh the cruelty of the mind.

I doubt we will ever be able to afford it either. I have too many student loans and Im not even finished my degree yet.

You have us!!

 

[Chesca]

Hi,

I don't imagine for a second that IVF/ LTTTC is easy for anyone. We all have our ups and downs but I agree with Angel, communication is key.
DP and I have been TTC for 3.5 years and although he is not very forth coming with how he feels I still tell him how I'm feeling as I don't want to shut him out. DP is just not used to sharing his 'feelings'. He comes from a very loving family of 4 - has one brother, where as I come from a very big family with sisters and a brother and in my experience, if they've grown up with a sister they are generally more sensitive to our womanly needs. DP does tell me how he feels in his own time, that may take him days or weeks somtimes but he does it when he's ready.

Our problem is MFI but I definately don't blame him. I love him so much and desperately want a family with him and this is just a hurdle that we will do our damn best to overcome. I know that DP has given himself a hard time over MFI and that he feels bad that i'm having to go through all the treatment (we are funded by NHS for IVF/ICSI) for us to have a baby but I've really just tried to support and reassure him. We have had our barnies but we've just put these down to our frustration with the situation. Before IVF we sometimes were so focused on getting pregnant that sex became a process which was obviously making us tense and stressed. We just had to try and relax and started having fun together again.

I hope that makes sense,

Chesca xx

 

[DragonMummy]

I think because we have a sense of humour about it all and can laugh about the absurd bits. I work in a really emotionally fraught job and we deal with that by having a really dark sense of humour about what we deal with - it's the best way in that instance, believe me! So I think that transfers to the whole TTC thing. It never used to be like that, when we started off last year I took it too seriously and we fought a lot. But now we know what we're up against, we can make light of what is a really horrible situation. x

 

[TrixieLox]

The way we cope is to plan our escape, ha ha! So we say if IVF doesn't work in August, we're moving to the seaside. So we have a dream that isn't just reliant on IVF working. Without that, I think we'd go mad!

 

[Kalysia]

I cry. I mope. I write another story and send it off. I sell twice as much Avon as the month before. Then, when ovulation time rolls around, again, I wear OH to a frazzle with the Fun Part. This has been going on for nearly two years... Pretty soon, I am going to run out of stories! *giggles!*

He enjoys the Fun Part, then goes back to his video games. I would like to accuse him of being insensitive, I really would. But, I know that he feels guilty, and that he is far from uncaring. Hormones drive me insane. >.<.