How do you feel about "Baby Showers" in the UK?

[maybabydoll]

Hi all,

I'm in the UK and a really lovely South African friend has offered to throw me a baby shower. She wanted it to be a surprise, so she got in touch with my OH to arrange dates. Previously I had mentioned to him that I wasn't keen, as it feels like jinxing things. He told her this and she said that she would do an alternative party and not called it a baby shower, but call it a "baby festival" or something like that. It is so incredibly sweet of her and I love her very much. She's a very thoughtful girl and I'm so touched she thought of doing this.

The only problem is I feel like it's still jinxing things, as it will before the baby arrives. I can't help it, I've had MC, OH's mum had 4 MCs and my mum had a stillbirth, so in our families no one wants to really celebrate before bubs arrives. My friend also starting mentioning gifts and the like. I've lived in the US for a while and understand that this is just down to cultural differences. I don't have a problem with anyone else having a baby shower, I'm just very cautious.

So... I'm not sure how/if I should tell my friend. I was thinking of suggesting have a party once bubs is here, perhaps tied into the Christening (which is important to me). Also everyone will know the gender by then, as we're not finding out until the birth. What do you think? I'm I being silly or ungrateful? Do you think she would be offended?? x x

 

[Emx]

I think that if thats how you feel your friend should respect your wishes. I think a party to celebrate the arrivial of baby sounds like a fantastic idea x

 

[ellie27]

Not sure on this one.

I just have this feeling that a 'baby shower' is when you expect lots of gifts in advance for a baby that isnt born yet - I find that weird???

Why not just go out and have a good night out? You can let your friend organise it.

I certainly do not think you are jinxing anything by having any kind of celebration at all.

You do what you want and enjoy it!!

 

[Periwinkle]

I don't think the shower/party would itself cause anything to happen, but I totally understand why you wouldn't want one. I think if it were me I'd go with the idea of telling her you want it after the baby is born. She can't be offended if she knows the reason. I think it's sweet of her changing the name, but I can imagine it'd be much different really.

 

[2ndtimeluckyX]

I don't believe in jinxing things. Having a baby shower is not going to cause your pregnancy to go wrong in any way!! Chances are your pregnancy is going to be perfect and at the end you will wish you had made the most of it.

The only thing that puts me off having a baby shower is that it's just basically asking for gifts so I've decided to have a girly night with my best friends and sisters and instead of gifts I'm asking fir each of them to make a keepsake for baby (I was thinking something like a photo frame with a pic in or writing a lovely letter etc etc) so they have something special to keep from each of their aunty's and bestest friends. My sisters are very creative so I'd love to see what they come up with

oh and there are some great baby themed games to play, look them up on the Internet, just have the girls around, have fun and celebrate the baby, you will be glad you did

 

[Sherileigh]

Where I live it's very rare to have a baby shower before the baby's born. Maybe a work one, but usually it's done afterwards as people want to meet your baby. I'd tell her the way you feel, you need to do what makes you comfortable.

 

[jenny82]

I had a baby shower before the baby was born. It was a great little party! My 2 friends organised games and music etc and all my girlfriends and girl-family-members were there. It was nice having my friends and aunts hang out together . I even had virgin cocktails made for me!

If you're not comfy with the idea, then you don't have to go along with it. But it really is a lot of fun and it's nice to celebrate *you* before the baby comes!

 

[maybabydoll]

Thanks ladies for all your replies. I've had a good long think about it and this comment really struck a chord...

I don't believe in jinxing things. Having a baby shower is not going to cause your pregnancy to go wrong in any way!! Chances are your pregnancy is going to be perfect and at the end you will wish you had made the most of it.

I think I'm going to go with it. I've spent the first half of this pregnancy being so cautious (not helped by our families' history), that I think I should try and enjoy it now.

There are not many times in life when you get to be pregnant, so I'm going to try and make the most of it now. I think this "baby festival" will had a lovely sense of occasion, especially as it's before bubs arrives and the sleepless nights begin! Just got to try and relax a bit now.... x x

 

[clownfish]

I'm having a spa day with my mum once I'm on maternity leave..

And then we'll have a party once the little man is with us.

And noone will be required to bring anything except themselves.

 

[lynnikins]

im going to have a friend plan me a shower , i didnt have one with either of the boys and caus bubs is due in december likley chances are most of our friends will be away for Christmas and new years so not get to see baby till a month or more after its arrived. Im hoping my friends will go along with it and come, i'll put on the invites that i dont expect gifts caus i really dont want them to feel like they have to bring something i just want to have some time with my friends before baby is here and everyone is busy for Christmas and i feel all lonely and left out

 

[maybabydoll]

Me too, I don't expect gifts. In fact it's the gifts before the baby's here that I'm most uncomfortable with... I'm hoping it will be a chance to spend a nice afternoon with friends before bubs arrives. Good point about Christmas/NYE too, I didn't think of that, more reason to do something nice in the Autumn. x x