How do you know when your family is complete?

[Missy.]

So when I was pregnant with my third child and for a while after he was born I was certain that I was done and couldn't imagine having another baby. I felt like this until around his second birthday when I started questioning myself. I felt quite sad at the prospect of never being pregnant again, never giving birth again and never having another baby. I thought the feelings would disappear with time so I never mentioned anything to Hubby.

Fast forward to last year when hubby brought up the idea of either him getting the snip or me getting sterilized because I was having an awful time with the pill I was taking. Well to say I was gutted was an understatement. It hit me like a tonne of bricks, I felt devastated about the chance of never having another baby. I explained to hubby that I wasn't ready to make such a permanent decision, as I wasn't sure if I wanted another baby in the future. He said that he understood but that he was quite sure he didn't want anymore and was happy with the family we currently had. So it was kind of just left at that.

Last month totally out of the blue without me mentioning it. He told me that if we were in a slightly better position financially then he would seriously consider us having a fourth baby. Since then he's been hinting a lot at us having another baby. I think if I was to tell him I wanted to try for another baby, he would definitely agree. Trouble is I'm totally torn on what to do!

We wouldn't need to make too many changes as we already have a 7 seater car and we have a 4 bedroom home. The kids currently have their own bedrooms so that would mean one of them would have to share with the new baby eventually that's one of the things bothering me. Hubby will be getting a pay rise in around 5 months time as he's recently taken on a new role at his job so I'm not too worried about the financial side of things. I guess it's just the future. Having 4 teenagers will be expensive, holidays abroad will suddenly become quite expensive too. But then the thought of having another little bundle of joy and if I'm honest I've always loved the idea of having a big family. I'm doing my own head in trying to decide what to do! I feel that if we are going to have another then it will have to be soon as our youngest will be 4 in August and I don't want the new baby too be too much younger than our other three. I'm just worried that If we decide not to try for one last baby then I'll regret it in the future

So how did you know for certain that you were done having babies? Was it something you knew for certain?

P.s sorry for rambling on this turned out to be way longer than I expected it to be

 

[Koifish]

After the twins I thought we were good. We were certainly in no position to be having any more. It was a struggle but we were managing. We both suddenly started talking about having a third but finally left it alone as financially it wouldn’t work, plus we have a 3 bedroom house and 5 seater vehicle. It still ate at both of us. Then a few months later we found out we were expecting (bc failed). I didn’t take to the news excitedly as I had already planned the boys rooms out and we would have to switch car seats to make 3 fit and I’d have to quit my job as daycare was out of the question. In the end none of it mattered. It’s actually the best thing that ever happened and deep down we wanted it and it was meant to be. I have felt complete and at peace with it. Everything ended up going smoother than expected. The boys sharing a room has been fine. I ve been thinking of creative ways to add another temporary room or split up/wall off spaces for when they are teenagers. The reality is they won’t live at home forever. I found the perfect car seats, everyone fits. Being a SAHM has its challenges but I wouldn’t trade it for anything! The impossible ended up being possible. We both definitely know we are done and the thought of a newborn makes us cringe now lol. I feel like when your done, you know you are done. That’s my experience, it may be different for others.

 

[Missy.]

Thanks for your reply Koifish. I guess that's what I'm worried about. I feel like if I knew for certain that we were done then I wouldn't even be considering having another. The fact that I'm even thinking about it means it's something I really do want deep down. If we don't just go for it and have another baby I'm worried I'll always regret it.

I don't know why but having a fourth baby seems like such a major decision. With our other three, it just felt right.

 

[Lizzybee]

I would say see what happens. No BC, but no definite "trying". If it happens it happens if it doesn't then hey....wasn't meant to be.

If having read this now you are horrified at letting it go to chance I would say you more than likely want another. So go for it. Good luck x

 

[Missy.]

Thank's Lizzybee. The thought of not having another baby devastates me. I'm pretty sure I know what my answer is, just need to make sure the husband is on the same page x

 

[lusterleaf]

If I were in that position where- I had both space and good finances then I'd go for it, but that's just me!

 

[Koifish]

It’s a hard decision to make but if you are feeling that way and can financially do it, then go for it. As posted above you can always “not try,not prevent”.

I did wonder too if we had actively tried for one more if that would be it or not... you don’t really know until it happens. A third for me was my “upset” of the balance but again in my case it all went fine. On the upside you have older children who could help out. I hope whatever it is you decide to do works out for you!

 

[momof2tobe]

Wow, I am in almost exactly the same situation as you. I Have 2 girls,and a boy (my youngest) who will be 5 in September. The only difference is that my husband wants another another a like more than i do. Well, i really don't know if i do or not to be honest. I keep thinking about it and wondering what it would be like with another baby. Part of me really wants another but part of me is scared and happy with the family I already have. Its really hard to make that decision and just go for it! I do find myself thinking that if I had a baby a year ago (we decided to try just for 1 month but it didnt happen.) He/she would be already 1. It's like I'm missing a child that I never had. I'm too terrified of doing it again which is crazy since I've done it 3 times. Does it ever go away? The feeling that you want another?

 

[Missy.]

momof2tobe I totally know what you mean. Me and hubby would both love another but it feels like such a big decision this time round. Some day's I feel really blessed to have the children I already have and I feel a little guilty for even wanting another. Then other days it's all I can think about and I find myself daydreaming about baby names, little baby clothes and newborn snuggles.

 

[laura109]

Its so hard. My partner wanted 2.we have one of each. My eldest is 4 and youngest 16 months. I had morning sickness with both of mine and struggled with exhaustion and low iron. I also get alot of neck ache since my youngest was born. Currently life is so full on and busy. Im worn out, the kids dont sleep and with my eldest starting school in september i am half looking forward to having some time with my youngest/ being able to get jobs done and get into sone sort of routine, but...

It makes me feel so sad that i will never do the journey again, the scans, the shopping, choosing a name and packing a hospital bag. I feel so sad i wont buy little sleepsuits and feed a baby baby again. I love the baby stage. I think alot of it for me is the nostalgia around my first baby. She was an easy baby and life was so easy and wonderful when she was tiny. When my second was born i felt sad i could not breathe him in in the same way as i also had a 3 year old needing me.

I dont know i go all fuzzy remembering the special moments

 

[adrie]

You know your family is complete when you can't afford anymore children. We have a son and a daughter and knew we were done after the second child. I wanted to be done having kids at 35 too, so that was that.