How do you say no???!!!

[Connah'sMommy]

Ok,big rant

So we were asked if we wanted to go to MIL & FIL's house for sunday lunch and we said not today as we are having a tidy up of the house and then goin to relax for the rest of the day with LO.

So they said,'ok then we will call u in the week'.

Fine,great....untill.....

They turned up on my doorstep 3 hours ago...5pm,LO's feed time.

So i was feeding him and he finished his bottle so i put him in his chair as that is where he naps.

He dropped to sleep straight away but when MIL walked in she made apoint of being loud and kept knocking the chair with her foot and going 'oops,sorry connah!' really loudly.

Anyway he ended up waking and moaning a little bit and she then went out of her way to make sure he was wide awake! touching him and tickling him!


She said oh hes awake can i pick him up?
what was i supposed to say?!

If i had rocked him in his chair he would have gone straight back off to sleep!

She was messing with him until 20 mins ago and at 8pm was ready for his feed...and yep,you guessed it...he fell asleep!

(Apologies if this is in the wrong section)

sorry its long,but how on earth are you supposed to say 'NO' to the inlaws?
Knowing if you did say no that it would cause major arguments?

Im so fed up of LO being messed with and fussed over all the time,he really doesnt like it.

1 thing i should probably mention is that i have a MAJOR issue with any1 apart from me or OH holding,cuddling,picking up or feeding LO...

This really upsets me and i just cant say no!

Any1 else with the same problem?
xxx

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

Nooooo! That would really annoy me. I think you just have to be direct. Or mention it to your OH, get him to say something so you don't have to. I can't bear visitors waking or overstimulating Ruby. I won't tolerate it and don't care if it makes me unpopular!!

 

[Plumfairy]

Oh thats awful! I know what you mean about inlaws!! I think if it happens again just take him into another room and say he really needs a nap. Either that or ask them if they could go in another room as it really must be quiet for him. I know its hard but youve gota be firm! They're not the ones who will be trying to settle him because his routine has been messed up, you are. So what you say goes. xxx

 

[Connah'sMommy]

I just dont want to cause arguments but im getting to the point where i really dont care!

OH has said something to his mum on a few occasions but its like she doesnt listen or simply doesnt care
xxx

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

They're not the ones who will be trying to settle him because his routine has been messed up, you are. So what you say goes. xxx

Well said!

 

[Plumfairy]

Just gota put your foot down I think. And if it happens again, then you just have to say something.

 

[Donna35]

Put your foot down hun you can't have his routine messed with.

i know what you mean about not wanting anyone but you and OH to hold connah - I am EXACTLY the same I hate when OH sister touches JJ (mind you she has a hygiene problem so mainly that lol) and I'm not too keen on anyone else having him either

Hope you can sort it out xxxxxx

 

[dali]

i would tell them that his routine being messed up can cause a nightmare of a night for you , so they HAVE to call ahead before popping round and if it is an inconvinient time then they ned to accept that. if they dont call ahead they dont get through the door
as far as accidently waking him so she can have a cuddle- when she said can i pick him up, i would just say no its ok he will go back to sleep and id rather his routine wasnt messed up thanks.
people are so annoying ! my nephew used to try to accidently wake lo. he was only 11 and just excited about seeing his cousin but i told him if he cant not touch him or the chair etc.. he was sleeping in then he would just have to sit further away where he wouldnt be able to reach.. not the same i know but i really think you will have to put your foot down. as someone said above shes not the one who will have to try to fix his sleep pattern after his routine has been messed up good luck

 

[Connah'sMommy]

Thanks every1,i think im guna have to be firm next time

Getting to the point where i will snap if it happens again tbh
and as for his routine...he has been so good since being a week old and just fell into a routine that suits us all so its a shame to have that messed up and like you have all said...it is me that has to settle him and at the moment that is becoming harder and harder.

thanks for the advice xxx

 

[Hope22]

I've had things like that happen too, and I can understand that it's hard sometimes to say no while it's happening. We are the ones who pay the price aftewards though - they get to leave, and we have a miserable cranky baby on our hands :S

I've drawn the line and tell people they MUST call, and they can't visit at meal/nap times (or they have to wait QUIETLY until he's awake).

Never mind starting an argument, if that's what it takes just let it happen. You call the shots, and you're well within your rights to tell them what's okay and not okay in your house, with your baby.

 

[Kiree]

Oh my god a similar thing happened to me last week and I was so furious I couldn't hide it anymore. My the time hubby got home I was in tears as this has been going on so long. Then MIL had the cheek to ask him what was up with me!! Luckily he told her to back off.

But I know exactly what u mean. My mum can overstep the mark but I can tell her directly and she'll stop, but its harder with MIL.

When people say about picking him up when its naptime, I just make a joke and say 'nope because you aren't the one who has to walk the floor with him all night if he's cranky'

Good luck x

 

[annie1]

i have had this hapen so i say things in a firm but non offensive way if you dont say anything people just take the mickey !

 

[sublime_ivy]

Can I just ask why you have a problem with other people holding your LO?

 

[Connah'sMommy]

Can I just ask why you have a problem with other people holding your LO?

Well since he was born i have been very protective perhaps a little too much sometimes.
I never had a problem with OH holding him but when any1 else picks him up it puts me on edge.
My mum wanted to give him a bottle and i said yes but that angered me even more and i just wanted him back. Its the same with any1 who wants to hold him,half the time i just want to say no.

Another example is when we were out with another couple who have a LO a month older than connah,the other LOs mum was holding connah and he started crying...she said 'ah hes hungry! is your mummy starving you?!'

I snapped and said i fed him half an hour ago,he fine,hes just tired...i took him back,put him in his pram and he went sraight off to sleep.
I cried when we got home over this aswel.

I really dont know why im like this

It sometimes brings me to tears when other people hold LO,feels like there tryin to take him away or that they think they know what he wants and i dont....

i feel like im being irrational but i dont know how to stop it

 

[sublime_ivy]

Do you worry that it will make ur LO clingy?

 

[JayleighAnn]

Oh hunny I know exactly how you feel. My inlaws are awful with this. When we go to theirs, he always falls asleep in his pushchair, and when we get there I put him in the house but still in his pushchair, MIL will be purposly noisey around him and go "oopss sorry" then when he opens his eyes, FIL gets right in his face and goes "wotcha" meaning hello (I dunno if this is just his thing cause I've never heard anyone else say wotcha for hello) Halen screams cause hes scared of FIL for some reason, and FIL goes "give him to his grandmammy" when he's only crying cause hes tired and scared. If we put his dummy back in his mouth he goes back off, but MIL will grab him and won't give him back so we end up with an overstimulated overtired baby who cries for hours when we get home.

Now I just tell them that he's asleep and will be left alone as it isn't them who walks around all night with a screaming baby who won't go sleep. FIL still tries it but OH now tells him to back off.

I think it's always easier to tell ur own parents to back off, but inlaws can be a bit tricky as you don't want to offend them.
Stick to your guns hunny and don't let them push u around. We've only just started sticking up for ourselves and it's got so much better since we have.

 

[Connah'sMommy]

Do you worry that it will make ur LO clingy?

No i dont, its not as if i keep hold of him constantly,and i DO let him go to other people for a cuddle etc...i just dont like it.

This is something i really struggle with.

Can i ask,do u think i am doing wrong by my LO?
every1 is entitled to there opinion but i really dont like or want to be judged....

 

[JayleighAnn]

Do you worry that it will make ur LO clingy?

No i dont, its not as if i keep hold of him constantly,and i DO let him go to other people for a cuddle etc...i just dont like it.

This is something i really struggle with.

Can i ask,do u think i am doing wrong by my LO?
every1 is entitled to there opinion but i really dont like or want to be judged....

Hunny don't worry about it, you're doing it YOUR way no one elses opinion on how you raise you're LO matter as you're doing what works for you(unless your like beating up your child or something)

I don't really like people holding Halen, sometimes I don't even want my OH to lol I'm just greedy

 

[MoonMuffin]

As said just be firm (but polite). If they just show up, don't let them in. Sounds mean but you wouldn't just show up to someone's house without warning, it's rude! And if they are there while he is sleeping or about to fall asleep, just go into another room with him and close the door (lock it if possible). In-Laws tend to run on the awful side it seems so nothing you can do about them, all you can change is what you do iykwim.

 

[nkbapbt]

Do you worry that it will make ur LO clingy?

No i dont, its not as if i keep hold of him constantly,and i DO let him go to other people for a cuddle etc...i just dont like it.

This is something i really struggle with.

Can i ask,do u think i am doing wrong by my LO?
every1 is entitled to there opinion but i really dont like or want to be judged....

If it makes you feel any better...I was the same way when Lakai was first home. I didnt like a lot people holding him. Now its just my MIL mostly because she is always saying "can I take you home with me?" and "you would fit in my purse"