How many failures before you decide to be done?

[coucou11]

Hi all,

Not the most fun post to write, but I’m wondering about how other people made the decision that their process was done (or how you will make that decision, when the time comes). I know it’s all very personal, and maybe I’m just looking for some reason to keep going, but the signs all seem to indicate that it might be over for me. Curious if anyone else felt that way and then found the will to go on.

About me, we have been trying for our second for 2 years, we had 2 miscarriages, 2 failed IUIs, and now 2 failed IVFs (has a painful symmetry to it, right?) As for the IVFs, we got 18 eggs the first, 7 blasts, 1 genetically normal, it didn’t survive the thaw. Second IVF we got 20 eggs, only 1 blast and it wasn’t genetically normal.

No clue what is going on, everything seems normal otherwise so must just be my eggs, which is something we can’t really fix (I’ve been doing all the vitamins / supplements / acupuncture / etc).

Thanks in advance for any thoughts, and good luck to everyone.

 

[clara_nb]

I am so sorry to hear about all of your losses. I can imagine you feel very defeated given all you have been through. Have you talked with your healthcare provider about your thoughts? He or she might be able to help you decide your next steps. I think this decision is so personal. I have a friend who finally conceived after 6 years of trying, but I also know someone who stopped trying after a year and pursued adoption. What is your heart telling you to do?

::

 

[coucou11]

Thank you Clara, I appreciate your response! It is so personal. It's hard because we already have one beautiful child, but in my heart I don't feel like our family is complete. However, I just don't know how much more I can put myself through, and my husband (who is happy either way, and just wants me to be happy really). Maybe we will look into adoption too - I hate that IVF, for all the expense, time and energy, still isn't giving us any better results than doing nothing at all.

Good luck through your own process! I hope you get a positive result soon!

 

[coucou11]

My doctor also just told me that she would like me to meet with the embryologist to discuss the embryos, so if anyone has questions they think I should ask him/her, please let me know!

 

[fairytales87]

I'm sorry to hear of your losses & that so far treatment hasn't been successful for you
I hope perhaps the embryologist can perhaps give some info
so that your consultant can get some answers
which will help get to the reason for genetic issues.
It is such a personal choice on when to stop and persue another route
Personally I have paid for a 2 cycle plan with use of all frozen embryos achieved and if I have used both cycles & all embryos with no success then
I won't go any further down the ivf route as I've given it my fair shot and it wasn't to be.
I hope you get the answers you need and your complete family which ever way yous decide to go

 

[Pinkie3]

I am sorry you find yourself in this position.

Have you and your partner had all the relevant tests? I am finding it hard to believe your eggs are the issue. You are getting an above average number of eggs and I am confused as to why you only got one embryo in each cycle. When do the embryos start slowing down? The evidence is that from day 1-3 it's all about the egg and after day 3 the sperm takes over.

Just to give you a comparison, I have a high FSH and struggled to respond to the Meds and the most eggs I got was 5, I would have something to transfer but not top grades. We then used two donors, these are young and highly fertile females and both times we got 12 eggs and each time we got 3 blastocysts. Our embryos always done really well until day 4 and my DH does have sperm issues. Hopefully your embryologist can shed some light on what is happening otherwise I would get a second opinion. Where are you in the world?

Sorry I went off track, in terms of when to give up, I agree with the others it is a personal thing and I think you will know in your heart when the time is right. For me I said I would do one more OE cycle, if that failed I would try two donors and if they failed I would then move to adoption. 5 years of TTC was going to be my limit. I was going to be become a mother, I just had to know in my head what I was prepared to do to get there and that helped me stay focused.

 

[BronteForever]

I'm so sorry you are having to decide this. I'm sure it can't be an easy decision and really depends on what you are willing to go through mentally and financially.

For now, we've decided we will do two IVFs but if our next fails then we will likely move onto adoption. But I'm not sure how I'm going to feel when the time comes to switch and we might change our minds.

I'm curious what your embryologist says since my first IVF I had a decent amount of eggs but none made it to blast.

I'm trying to improve egg quality but I don't have a ton of hope.

Hope they can give you a better idea what the issue might be.

 

[Sophie2015]

I don't have much to add other than I'm kinda in the same boat. We conceive. Then we miscarry. My RE feels it's an egg quality issue. He's pushing us towards ivf with pgd. In my gut I feel that it won't work. But I just can't quit trying. I'm not sure when I'll ever be able to quit. I guess when my body quits making eggs or we run out of money. 😕
I hope whatever decision you make and when you make it you are at total peace. Infertility is such a hard long road. Big hugs to you all.

 

[LadyLovenox]

My baby is from our 4th full round of ivf. If your heart isn't ready to quit, don't quit!

 

[coucou11]

Thank you all for your responses! Sorry I've been delayed posting, I was away for the weekend.

I will meet with the embryologist tomorrow so hopefully he can give me some more info. I spoke briefly with my doctor today and she suspects it is an egg quality issue, but of course there is just so much they don't know.

Pinkie - interesting to know, I hadn't heard that about the sperm vs. egg issue and growth timing. This round none of the embryos really developed well at all, but the last round 7 made it to blast stage (but only one was normal). So I'm not sure what that means, but I'll ask the embryologist. My husband's sperm has been tested, he has pretty low morphology but we did ICSI both times so I think that would help with that issue.

I told my doctor today I feel like more IVF is not really going to change our outcome, and she agreed, so I guess I'm leaning that route. Maybe we'll just go back to trying naturally and then if it doesn't happen for us, we'll be happy with what we have. It's an interesting feeling being here, actually - in the past, after the losses and the disappointments, I've been angry and felt that it was unfair. Now I just feel sad, that I'll never know another of our children, and that I won't get to experience pregnancy and another baby. But sadness, at least, can lessen with time, whereas I think the bitterness I was feeling before stays with you. So there is some healing that happens when you give up, I guess.

I'll update tomorrow with what the embryologist says, and thank you again everyone for your support.

 

[fairytales87]

Best wishes for tomorrow xx