I never had a problem with PMS or hormones in my life, so I know its not that. Just to get it out of the way. =) Also just want to warn you if you are already depressed or fighting to stay positive, it might trigger you to feel worse, so click the back button! I do express self-depricating thoughts and I don't want to give anyone ideas. Anyway... Basically the past 3 or so months (TTC for almost a year now) I have been so down every month. Not even just before AF, but all the time. I can't stop thinking about TTC and feeling bad. I tried to stop caring, but it lasted maybe a week, lol. How do you deal with the emotional issues? I am really terrible now and I bring others down without meaning to. I either cry, get angry, or am totally apathetic, all the time. I can't afford to get a counselor/doctor and because I am employed, I don't qualify for free treatment. I went to psychiatrists/therapists for depression in my teen years a couple times, but they all agreed I was fine and it was just normal response to being different in school (didn't drink or party and was nerdy haha) and getting bullied, etc. I've never actually experienced anger before these last few months. I know that sounds crazy, but its true. I would only get angry before if someone hurt my friends/family, but now I just feel pissed off all the time for no apparent reason, unless I am feeling sad, or feeling nothing. For example, my mom told me a touching news story about a girl in an accident and her friend that gave her a present or something, idk, and I automatically just shot it down by saying it's fake, her parents made her, and its not even newsworthy, etc. I hate being so mean and negative, but I'm constantly on edge and these things just burst out of my mouth now. I used to have people tell me I was the most positive, understanding, nice person, but now I can't even be around people because I don't trust myself not to ruin their day. I literally have to hide away and not talk to anyone and I think its becoming kind of hermit-y. And of course the depression side. I feel pointless and worthless all the time, like there's no point working, studying, having relationships, etc. because it's going nowhere, etc etc dramatic teenage angsty thoughts, etc... haha. But I'm an adult, I shouldn't have these stupid thoughts now. I really can't help it. I've tried working on myself and just forcing myself to be nice and pleasant, but I can't do it anymore. I have tried antidepressants in the past but they all made me gain weight and anxious and I could not feel anything physically or mentally on them. What are some tips for dealing with these issues? Like feeling inadequate as a woman, guilty for being unable to produce a child for DH, jealous of others, pointless in life, etc? I know they are NOT rational and I would never think those things of anyone else, but I feel that way about myself. I have tried distraction but I can no longer focus. Work has become excruciating to deal with, emotionally, as well as physical symptoms to deal with... and I can't even get my course work done for my online study. I'm at the end of the road I think. =( Just need some tips! Thanks ladies!