How to deal with judgemental people

Discussion in 'Special Needs Support' started by Bex84, May 21, 2018.

  1. Bex84

    Bex84 Well-Known Member

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    My little boy is 3 with suspected autism. We have been seeing speech therapist since he was 2. He is currently waiting for multi disciplinary appointments. I love him, for him so if he does obviously we just want him to get support and do what ever we can as parents.
    He is very sweet natured and always has a smile. He loves numbers, colours and shapes and loves pj masks and blaze. My issue is when other parents and family keep judging.
    My MIL completely blanked him recently and keeps snapping at him if running around, she seems to have decided he does not fit what she wants so ignores him. My FIL constantly shouts and keeps saying he is bad because he wants to run around and play. I just had a friend point out her dh thought my ds was autistic (why he felt he had to judge a child he never met at a party I don't know and it's not like I am ashamed of him, he behaved fantastically anyway) I just don't understand why a random person would use a children's party to diagnose a child.
    I'm just sick of people as soon as hearing autism think he is going to be violent when he isn't or judging us as parents as he finds it hard to sit down and likes to order stuff, he finds speech difficult but on the other side of the coin he is a loving little boy, always smiling, amazing at maths, empathetic and caring.
    I just wish people would not concentrate of the autism and think it makes him not perfect when it is not what defines him and I wouldn't change a thing about him. There are several parents who seem to think him finding things difficult means I'm a rubbish mum and according to many it's due to I didn't send him to nursery early. Nursery point out I must be exhausted as he is a busy little boy but I don't find that. I am so upset that when they see him the first thing they see is autism and not him. How do people cope with the judgement. I feel like I am in constant mama bear mode with him just desperate to protect him.
     
  2. Button#

    Button# Well-Known Member

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    I think one of the most beneficial things you can do is connect with people who do understand.

    People who don’t have experience are always going to find it hard to understand. Hopefully they’ll come around and realise that despite any difficulties he faces he is still him, but it may take time.

    In the meantime look for support groups and special groups for children with autism in your area or look online for further support. I’ve found it helps to know that whatever you’re dealing with there are loads of other people going through the same thing.
     
  3. Andypanda6570

    Andypanda6570 3 Boys and an Angel Ava

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    I may not understand as a parent but where the hell did compassion and understanding go? It is disgusting especially for adults to say what has been said and to judge your precious boy or yourself. I will never understand some people and the lack of respect, why not just talk to you? I am sorry you have encountered assholes and your in-laws also should be ashamed.. XO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
     
  4. Bex84

    Bex84 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks so much for replys. I am going to see if group online. Unfortunately no meetups close and closest one which is not that close is right next to school pickup time for eldest. Feeling a bit better now.
    I wish people would have empathy. We are all different. Yes other children may be further ahead in speech but my child is ahead in others. I'm not ashamed of fact he is probably autistic, Im proud of the beautiful little boy he is. It annoys me that autism is not viewed same as not being able to hear, see or walk. It is so often seen as behavioural and being naughty. I am so hoping my little boy does not experience prejudice at school. I am really grateful for your replies
     
  5. sethsmummy

    sethsmummy mum to 3 beautiful boys

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    hey lovely I just want to pass on hugs. No matter how hard we try we are always going to come across judgemental people... and unfortunately in my experience its family that are the worst offenders!
    I would honestly just cut the inlaws out until they can be more understanding and be patient with your son while including him like they would any other children. My parents were similar.. it took a long long time for them to accept that he actually is autistic (like 8 years) and now theyre better. xx
     

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