how to respond to 'oopsie baby' pregnancies!?

[TTC#1inMN]

Any advice on how to handle comments from people that have 'oopsie babies'? When someone announces a pregnancy, I'm always happy for them. But, when someone announces a pregnancy and says it was an accident I feel more bitter. How can a pregnancy be an oopsie? I just feel like, well, when you have sex, that's what happens (for most people). I just could have wished to have an accident and have skipped this whole infertility thing. I get so frustrated when people have accidents because they TRULY don't know how lucky they are. How do you guys handle comments?

 

[MrsRM]

I understand hun and even harder is when it is family for example my husband's brother and his g/f who have been together 5 mins....but hey thats life i suppose!!! Just hope we all get our day of happiness too!!! x

 

[elsie2010]

when you find out please tell me.

 

[sarah1989]

when you find out please tell me.

Same goes for me too please
My SIL has been pregnant 8 times, and only has 2 children (none lost to m/c.. if you know what I mean) and her response everytime is, well we didn't plan it and it isn't the right time... if only she knew how lucky she really was

 

[mlyn26]

Its horrible. I just grit my teeth together and say congrats with as much enthusiasm as i can muster. X

 

[tickledpink]

I actually lost a friend because of this... I told a mutual friend that I found it hard talking to her because I got the impression she really didn't understand how I felt. They both knew that me and DH had been trying for a couple of years and then she announced that she was pregnant... by accident. She confronted me about it and I told her that I didn't feel I could talk to her about my TTC or her pregnancy. I tried to explain how hard it was for me, but instead she turned on me and said I was weak and to stop playing the victim, that not everyone gets what they want in this world and if I was that 'desperate' for a child, I would adopt. The typical response from someone that just has no idea... I've since found out that 6 months after her first, she fell pregnant again... with twins. At least I've found out who my real friends are.

Seriously though, in this day and age if you're not trying for a baby, there's no excuse for getting pregnant 'by accident'. Ok that's my rant over

 

[DragonMummy]

I generally deal with it by taking myself off to the ladies and weeping

There's 2 women at work who are pregnant despite not wanting any more children and both times I had to leave the room or I was just going to cry at them. Deeply mortifying.... Although one of them unfortunately announced hers on the day I had my MC confirmed. Not a great day all round....

 

[dreamofabean]

My little sister anounced an oopsie today. I'm totally at a loss...........

 

[DragonMummy]

Oh sorry to hear that DOAB xxx



Edit: that reads a bit wrong, I'm thrilled for your sister, but I'm sorry you're feeling so bleak about it. Life is so cruel and unfair at times.

 

[MrsRM]

I completely understand where you ladies are coming from but the thing is i also get upset when its not an oppsie pregnancie and the couple have only been trying for 5 mins or been together even less!!! For example this girl i know announced on fb she was 11 weeks and she has been with her b/f for about 6 months...i mean seriously!!! It sounds bitter and jealous and that exactly how is is, im afraid i can't help it! It just feels so unfair because i know that me and DH would be the most fantastic parents and appreciate every minute!! Im not a bad person i just find it so hard to deal with and to be happy for them and i really want to be.

 

[purechaos109]

Honestly I don't know how I cope but I obviously do it well because I have been told of around 20 pregnancies since we started TTC and around 14 of them were oopsies! I guess I look at it hurt for a few seconds then I realize that altho I want another child it just isn't my time yet! I usually very gracefully tell them Congrats then go home and call my best friend or my other friend to vent altho my Best friend is 2 weeks shy of being term with #3 and my other friend had an oopsie of her own that was born in Feb!!

Sometimes I feel kind of bad for woman who have oopsie babies because they might not be ready for them financially or mentally! My friend who just had a baby they were being super careful and she has had non stop issues with BC so they just use condoms and other natural methods and one night when she was sleeping her OH woke her up wanting to have sex and she went back to sleep and the next morning he told her he forgot to use a condom and 2 weeks later she found out she was pregnant! And they were not in the right place to have another baby so I guess it makes it a bit easier for me to cope!

 

[lace&pearls]

purechaos109 that's a good point actually.
It's one of those things isn't it, you really don't know what goes on behind closed doors. When you see people announcing on facebook they're having a baby they're only showing the nice happy part.

 

[Hopeful27yrs]

A close friend called me to meet her yesterday because she'd found out yesterday morning that she was pregnant and was freaking out. They weren't trying. She'd never be insensitive about the whole thing but it still hurt

I got home and my DH was silent for so long and then said ever so quietly "i'm jealous..."



It's tough, but we can't blame others and destroy relationships with good people because of our situation.

 

[tinybutterfly]

Its horrible. I just grit my teeth together and say congrats with as much enthusiasm as i can muster. X

same!!!

 

[ilovecheese]

Its horrible. I just grit my teeth together and say congrats with as much enthusiasm as i can muster. X

Same here- my cousin had an "oops" who was just born two days ago and it was not easy to smile and say congrats... I didn't go visit the baby. And of course everyone had to call me and ask me if I heard.

 

[Leilani]

It's tough, but we can't blame others and destroy relationships with good people because of our situation.

I agree with you. Though it doesn't stop the jealousy.

I try to remember that somebody else getting pregnant has no bearing on my ability/chance to get pregnant.

 

[FBbaby]

I think a number of oopsie babies are pretend oopsies because they are not conceived in the best conditions (relationship, finances etc...) and it is easier to say it was an accident than to admit that you chose to ignore the situation and only listened to your hear when deciding to conceive. I think a number of women pretend to oopsie babies because it had never been agreed with their partner that they should be ntnp or ttc, even if partners are delighted with the end product!

 

[hopes fading]

I am so glad I found this thread - I now know I'm not alone in feeling completely unable to say a sincere congratulations to these oopsies. The girl I sit next to at work announced last week and it has upset me so much, I've already taken one day off and I am seriously considering looking for a new job, as I can't bear the idea of sitting next to her for the next 6 months and watching her get big. The well wishers that drop by every ten seconds or so must be really insensitive as it is widely known among my colleagues that I had a m/c last year and have not been able to conceive since. I can't understand an unplanned pregnancy in this day and age; the last time I checked -that is what contraception was for. Rant over!

 

[hippiehappy]

I generally deal with it by taking myself off to the ladies and weeping

There's 2 women at work who are pregnant despite not wanting any more children and both times I had to leave the room or I was just going to cry at them. Deeply mortifying.... Although one of them unfortunately announced hers on the day I had my MC confirmed. Not a great day all round....

OMG exactly same thing happened to me, someone who I worked with had just got married, everyone kept asking her 'are you having babies' (which as we know, is bad enough!!!) and she was just saying hmmm, not yet, blah blah... Next thing I know, bang!
I was inconsolable and locked in the toilet for half an hour till my other colleague came to give me a hug and dragged me out.

Hang in there Hun, you're not the only one but one day soon I'm sure it'll be your turn! X

 

[hippiehappy]

My little sister anounced an oopsie today. I'm totally at a loss...........

Totally know how you feel. My little sister's boy was born in August 09 and to make things worse, he was conceived around the time I came off the pill and he looks more like me than her!
Needless to say I live him to bits and hate myself for being so at loss. Still, I'm sure your sister will be a great help and support to you, just like mine is being to me. And I'm sure she'll be over the moon when it happens for you- because IT WILL. just hang in there xxx