how to respond to 'oopsie baby' pregnancies!?

[TTC#1inMN]

Sometimes I feel kind of bad for woman who have oopsie babies because they might not be ready for them financially or mentally! cope!

I agree. I just think that when all of our time comes, we will enjoy the WHOLE 9 months, not just the latter of the pregnancy. We all know how big a miracle a pregnancy is and we should feel glad that when it happens, we'll cherish all of it. I feel bad for couples that only enjoy bits and pieces because they have no idea what it feels like to be on the other side.

 

[HippyChicki]

Wow this is what i needed today.

I hate Ooopsie babies, I find I have perfected my "Poker Face" and look incredibly happy for someone, only my husband and a close friend (who by the way had a "surprise PG" when she was 17, she found out 9 days before giving birth that she was PG!) can see the hurt in my eyes every time I hear about another or someone announces they are or even seeing a woman with a bump, I get so jealous I just want to cry in the street, I saw a girl the other day who was twice my size (My gynae says my problem is my weight) with 2 children under 4, I said to my sister-in-law that if she says that again when I next see her i'll punch her in the face!!! Also the orthopaedic doc I saw when I broke my wrist a few weeks ago hurt me by poking and twisting my arm, I said to her I couldn't hit her for hurting me (I wouldnt really) because she had a nice BIG BUMP!!!!!!!!

Why is life so unfair!!!!

My husbands favourite quote "I want doesn't get" I think I want it too much.

Ahhh and breathe. xxxx

 

[TrixieLox]

Hmmmm, I'm not sure I'm liking this whole 'I hate oopsy babies' tone of voice. Sure, it gives me a little pinch when I hear about it and sure, I sometimes doubt it really was an accident (eg. I think in a lot of cases, girls stop taking the pill without telling their partners as a form of trying to get them to commit, I certainly know one friend who did this) but girls, above and beyond this, is it really so horrendous if someone falls pregnant by accident? I'd never ever allow it to affect a friendship!

As I've said before a few times, please let's try hard not to turn bitter and negative. It's not a sin to admit feeling bad sometimes but you have to try to stop yourself taking this out on people just because they were lucky enough to get pregnant easily. People get pregnant ALL the time. It hurts but it's a fact of life and yeah, it's not fair but it's not their faults and you certainly shouldn't allow a friendship to fall apart because of it!

Maybe I'm out of the norm with my views on this but I just think the worst thing you can do is allow this TTC madness to turn you into someone you're not.

 

[mlyn26]

Obv we know this is not nice to feel this way but that is precisely the point. We can't help feeling like that and this thread was created so we don't feel like a lonesome freak in our feeling. It would not ruin a friendship for me, nor does it consume me but yeah i'm human and feel shit when others get preg by accident, their words not mine.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Aidan was an ooopise bjt only becuase I was using protection and it failed. I don't like calling him an accident though, he was an unexpected miracle. I real.y feel for you all ladies, and I do understand how lucky I am. I just hope you all get the babies you disereve

I really hope you all have your Soon
xx

 

[mummyto3]

i ljuckliy have 2 kids but have had 3 mc in lst 4 years and i get angry too at ppl who dont wnat them once they mad ethem if u get my dift an old frind of mine ''got rid of 3 diff pregs 2 wich were mutiples'' and i feel so angey if u dont wnant an unwated preg hen use summit ffs!! and for thos of us who are trying good uck xx

 

[hopefulchick]

While ttc for four years, I have experienced a few friends and family members and their "oopsie" pregnancies. It hurts, it really does. And with all the frustration of ttc, its easy to take it out on them. I was really hurt when my best friend who knows of my struggle suddenly popped up preggo and was NOT keeping it. It literally ripped my heart out. I expressed to her that it was hard for me to sit by and watch her make that decision because I have tried so hard. But in the end, she still is my best friend. So, yes I agree that we should not ruin our relationships BUT it is very hard to act like you are not affected by it.

 

[TrixieLox]

I do understand the feelings, go through them myself, I'm just opposed to the idea that people should 'hate oopsy babies' as one poster said. Seemed a bit strong and bitter to me. But the rest, yes, i totally get where ya'll coming from.

Funny cos there was one girl I know who was desperate to get married to her bloke but he just wouldn't propose. She knew I was TTCing back then and started quizzing me about how you can tell when you're most fertile. When I asked her why she was so interested, she said 'just want to know for a future'. Guess what? She was pregnant a 2 months later 'by accident', it was SO obvious she'd come off the pill to 'hook' her bloke, and used my advice to figure out when she was most fertile. They now have a cute baby... and her bloke STILL hasn't proposed to her ;-)

 

[hopes fading]

If someone who is long term ttc says they "hate" oopsie babies, does anyone really believe that - or do we think they are just extremely upset; frustrated and at the end of their tether at that precise moment in time? This thread was created so that women experiencing those emotions could express it without fear of being judged or reprimanded, surely.

 

[TrixieLox]

If someone who is long term ttc says they "hate" oopsie babies, does anyone really believe that - or do we think they are just extremely upset; frustrated and at the end of their tether at that precise moment in time? This thread was created so that women experiencing those emotions could express it without fear of being judged or reprimanded, surely.

I guess I just think in a very different way from most LTTCers. I try my best not to have these thoughts or encourage them as I've learnt positive thinking can be extremely beneficial. I don't suppress these thoughts, I just acknowledge them but move on and try my best to feel happy for people who are lucky enough to get pregnant. It works. Compared to a lot of LTTCers I speak to, I'm much more content. Sure, i have my moments but all I'm saying this, how about trying some positive thinking?

But you're right, no-one should feel judged or reprimanded for expressing negative thoughts cos it's part of the process. Am just trying to spread some positivity and luuurve .

 

[TTC#1inMN]

Hmmmm, I'm not sure I'm liking this whole 'I hate oopsy babies' tone of voice. Sure, it gives me a little pinch when I hear about it and sure, I sometimes doubt it really was an accident.

I think lots of pregnancies are 'oopsies' because people don't actually want to tell people they were trying etc. But, I also think that this is ONE place that women can come to and talk about the way they feel. Just because someone feels mad and lonely for the 15 minutes they are on this board doesn't mean they go around hating pregnant women and babies. Come on! Yes, we all could use some positive energy, but don't we get that enough from others that know we are trying and just tell us to 'relax and it will happen!?' 'Or _____ person adopted and now they have 2 biological children!' It's either we vent to other women who know how it feels or we'll blow up by keeping our thoughts in our heads. We CHOOSE to talk to other infertile women vs. getting into our emotional thoughts with WOMEN WHO DON'T understand AT ALL. I'm not angry at the world because I have bad hormones which make bad eggs, but I do get upset when YOU (also an infertile) judge us for venting in the infertility section.

 

[TrixieLox]

Hmmmm, I'm not sure I'm liking this whole 'I hate oopsy babies' tone of voice. Sure, it gives me a little pinch when I hear about it and sure, I sometimes doubt it really was an accident.

I think lots of pregnancies are 'oopsies' because people don't actually want to tell people they were trying etc. But, I also think that this is ONE place that women can come to and talk about the way they feel. Just because someone feels mad and lonely for the 15 minutes they are on this board doesn't mean they go around hating pregnant women and babies. Come on! Yes, we all could use some positive energy, but don't we get that enough from others that know we are trying and just tell us to 'relax and it will happen!?' 'Or _____ person adopted and now they have 2 biological children!' It's either we vent to other women who know how it feels or we'll blow up by keeping our thoughts in our heads. We CHOOSE to talk to other infertile women vs. getting into our emotional thoughts with WOMEN WHO DON'T understand AT ALL. I'm not angry at the world because I have bad hormones which make bad eggs, but I do get upset when YOU (also an infertile) judge us for venting in the infertility section.

Point taken. Sorry I upset you, last thing I wanted to do.

 

[Steph63]

Hmmmm, I'm not sure I'm liking this whole 'I hate oopsy babies' tone of voice. Sure, it gives me a little pinch when I hear about it and sure, I sometimes doubt it really was an accident.

I think lots of pregnancies are 'oopsies' because people don't actually want to tell people they were trying etc. But, I also think that this is ONE place that women can come to and talk about the way they feel. Just because someone feels mad and lonely for the 15 minutes they are on this board doesn't mean they go around hating pregnant women and babies. Come on! Yes, we all could use some positive energy, but don't we get that enough from others that know we are trying and just tell us to 'relax and it will happen!?' 'Or _____ person adopted and now they have 2 biological children!' It's either we vent to other women who know how it feels or we'll blow up by keeping our thoughts in our heads. We CHOOSE to talk to other infertile women vs. getting into our emotional thoughts with WOMEN WHO DON'T understand AT ALL. I'm not angry at the world because I have bad hormones which make bad eggs, but I do get upset when YOU (also an infertile) judge us for venting in the infertility section.

Well said

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

TTC#1inmn. I really think Trixielox never meant any harm. She was just saying how she felt about Ooopsy babies. I feel she has been jumped on a little.
xx

 

[Steph63]

I don't think anyone has jumped on TrixieLox, just disagreed with her POV

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

I just feel that she was made to feel liek she wasn't welcome. Maybe me just reading it wrong I understand it must hurt and the lady was just trying to vent and I totally get that. But you just have to be prepared taht someone may not agree if you know what I mean.

I really hope you ladies get your soon
xx

 

[TrixieLox]

That's okay peeps, I don't feel jumped on, I'm a big girl (especially after consuming a box of chocolates but that's another story). I don't want people to feel they can't express their views so please do continue and sorry if I upset anyone, I was just being a dufus and launching my 'let's be positive' campaign in the totally wrong thread. We gotta stick together, right, so please, express your views, negative or positive, and I'll continue to express mine but will be a bit more mindful in the future. x

 

[Steph63]

I totally love that you have such a positive outlook on your LTTTC journey, and I mean that sincerely, not being sarcastic. I really wish I could look on mine with a more positive attitude, but I just can't, I don't know where to start and I am turning into such a bitter person, I really don't like it, but what I am trying to get at after all that waffle is, it is unusual for someone to be able to view LTTTC positively, it is a very difficult thing to do and although we might say we "hate" oopsie babies, or someone who conceives easily, this is usually the only place we can do so safely without fear of being judged or looked at like we are mad. Hope that explains where I was coming from in agreeing with the previous poster, there was certainly no offence intended.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

You ladies will all make amazing mummies
xx

 

[HippyChicki]

Wow I cannot beleive my comment turned into such a discussion, I didnt mean I hate "oopsie babies" just as everyone has said it frustrates me alot.

While reading everyones posts, I felt quite hurt by some of the comments i'm sure were directed towards my post but after reading on I feel a little better. I only replied because i felt this was the place to vent my frustration about the world. I'm sorry if I caused problems.

x