how to talk to hubby about #3?

[stellababy]

need some advice ladies-

I am getting super broody and am jealous of every preganant girl in my life and really want to start NTNP. I don't want to drive myself crazy trying but just stop using protection and see what would happen.

Me and hubby talked about having another baby last year and he said he is open to having another one. Also we are in a good place as far as finances, life balance.

So the issue is I am not getting any younger- if I want another baby I need to conceive ASAP as I am already 33 and want to be done 100% bv 35. I also have a history of miscariages due to uterine abnormality.

So, here is the question- what do I say/do to hubby to make it his idea that he wants another kid? I am afraid to bring this up as he will say I am crazy and we have our hands full with the other 2. I want him to be fully involved, not just "go along with it"

Any ideas how to bring this up? I am desparate LOL

 

[kksy9b]

Sorry, I don't have much advice but didn't want to r&r. I would just be honest with him and tell him everything you wrote above. Ask him what his thoughts are and what he is thinking about in regards to another baby. I think it will be much easier for you to go that route than try to manipulate him into thinking it was his idea first. Best of luck hun!

 

[Amygdala]

I'm sort of in your shoes but a little way further down that path. I'm your age and also trying for number 3 after we sadly lost a pregnancy this month. It was my second mc but I don't know the cause (if there is one). Anyway, we started talking about having another about 6 months ago. We'd always said we wanted three, although DH wavered a little after each newborn. By the time I brought it up, he was on board with three but unsure about timing. But like you, I really want to be done soon. Partly to avoid the over 35 risk factor (more due to how you can be treated during pregnancy rather than the actual risk, because I figure that increases gradually, there's no obvious "cut-off"). And partly because I want to be done with the pregnancy/newborn/baby thing so I'm not ancient when I have time to invest in myself, for things like my job or getting fit and healthy again. And also because our other two are getting older and I don't want a third to grow up like an only child when their older siblings are so close. So I just told DH all those things. He needed some convincing but after thinking it over, he agreed with all my reasons. He's never been the one to say "let's have a baby now!" but I know for a fact that he was 100% on board with each decision to try and that he loves our kids more than anything. That said, I can understand that you'd rather your DH was as excited and broody as you. But I think often men are just a bit more cautious/scared and need a little nudge to make a life changing decision like that.

 

[stellababy]

Thank you for the reply and sorry for your loss! I know if I say all this to him he will be on board. That's not the problem.

But, I am afraid if I start convincing him that once we have the baby and things will get tough, he will say- well you wanted another one, so you deal with it. I want it look like we thought of it together! Lol

 

[tkeith8109]

I was kind of in the same situation with my husband. Funny thing is we both didn't want anymore kids, our 2 is way more than enough. However after a pregnancy scare last month I started thinking about it and it just felt like something I needed, like our family wasn't complete. I actually just started joking around about it yesterday and the more I joked the more we talked and then I was just honest with him. He heard everything I had to say and said he would think about it, however I know my husband so I know he'll be on board with it. He's just nervous and scared-like any normal man. Honestly an average man isn't going to over think the kid thing like we do. I would also hope that if a situation gets tough he won't throw your kids in your face. Just be honest with him and tell him how you feel, also let him know that if he's not quite ready you can npnt for a while until he's a little more comfortable or you can make a list of things that you both want to accomplish first before you start trying. Good luck!

 

[stellababy]

so I casually mentioned it to him- like "remember we spoke about another kid, the window before 35 is closing soon, we have only a few months to decide if this is something that we want, blah blah blah"

I didn't push the topic or say its so important to me, no pressure at all.
So he said "i think we are done" looked at me like I am nuts, just like I expected. I am not sure I want to push him, maybe I will keep bringing it up jokingly once in a while to see if he comes around. I was secretly hoping he would be into it... my kids for me are so cute and amazing, I just want more of them!! cant let this dream go...

 

[kksy9b]

I would give him a little time to think about it and bring it up again. Honestly, in your shoes, I would just sit him down and have a completely serious and honest discussion with him about how you are feeling. Telling him how it doesn't feel complete etc. If he says a hard no, how would that make you feel? Would you be able to let it go or is this something that you feel very strongly about?

I saw your ticker says about 5 months to NTNP...maybe ask him if you can both take some time to seriously think about it between now and then. Ask to sit down in 3-5 months and make a final decision together. He may never be into it and want to start. I basically had to push my DH into trying for our son so believe me, I know how that feels. But in the end, if he agrees- you know he will be happy once baby was here. However, if he really doesn't want a third, I would start working through how that would make you feel and if you were okay with it and learning to let go of the idea of another baby.

Its such a hard balance. For me, we are done at 2 and it makes me sad. I love being pregnant and having all the sweet cuddles and oh my, that new baby smell. But the reality is that I've watched 3 kids at once and I personally couldn't do it. I could tend to two at a time but someone was always left out. Even just those few times watching them (2 of my friends kids plus my DS) I was so stressed out by the end. So while I would love more babies, I have to stop at 2 and work through being done. Its a kind of grieving process really. I really really hope your hubby agrees to another but if not, I hope you are able to come to terms quickly so its not as painful