How to tell my sister who has fertility problems?

[SweetMelodies]

Hi there,

As you can see by the title I am looking for some advice. I have a one year old and I am 11 weeks pregnant.

This is my third pregnancy. I miscarried in December at 5 weeks.

My sister doesn't know this. She is older then me, has one older child but is re marrying this year and wanted another. She found out last fall the she is in early menopause and most likely won't be able to have anymore children.

I don't know how to tell her about this, we arnt really close. I read online that an email or text can be easier, but I don't know what to say. Should I tell her about my MC? Should I not? I dunno what to say. I want to tell her before we tell other people.

I just had my first ultrasound yesterday and saw a heartbeat and was measuring correctly. Before the US I still was constantly worrying something would go wrong, Im still worrying even now that something will happen. Having a MC was horrible, I still cry thinking about it. I didn't want to tell anyone about this baby just in case, but I know we have too.

Any help what to say, how to tell my sister, would be great.

 

[medic76097]

I struggled to tell my best friend. Her little guy and my first are 3. They have been trying since he was born for a second and I am now on my third pregnancy and third baby. I cried so hard when we found out this time about how I was going to break the news. I finally just told her. And then let her take some time to process it all. It was hard but she's very exited for us now

 

[Dobsd]

Just be straight with her. Tell her you have been worried about telling her because you feel bad that it may not happen for her. I bet she'll be happy for you!
I told my friend who has endo. I was really worried because her and her partner have been trying for so long with no luck and I seem to get pregnant very easily. She told me not to be daft and that she was happy for me.
I don't think an email or text is a good way though, it seems a bit impersonal.
Good luck!

 

[george83]

Just be straight with her. Tell her you have been worried about telling her because you feel bad that it may not happen for her. I bet she'll be happy for you!
I told my friend who has endo. I was really worried because her and her partner have been trying for so long with no luck and I seem to get pregnant very easily. She told me not to be daft and that she was happy for me.
I don't think an email or text is a good way though, it seems a bit impersonal.
Good luck!

An email or text might allow her sister time to process the news before having to respond. Having been through a miscarriage and having heard other people's pregnancy news face to face while going through that there is nothing harder than having to be excited and happy for them while wanting to completely and utterly fall apart as it's just another reminder of what you've lost. It is impersonal but it might be the easiest way for her sister to hear it

 

[LoveCakes]

Having been that person quite a few times I preferred to find out remotely so I could have my cry and didn't have to fight to put a brave face on. I was so happy for my friends but needed time to feel sorry for myself. I also really appreciated being told a few days before it went public so I had time to know what to do with my face when other friends and family were talking about it.

Everyone deals differently though. I know friends in the same situation who were always really excited for anyone's baby news. You know your sister best and if you're close it might be better to tell her in person. I'd say though don't do it at the start of a day out or anything.

I'm sure she'll be happy for you but may need time to process it.

 

[BabyGirl999]

Is there anyone could act as a go-between? I agree face to face can be upsetting for your sister in case she wants to cry, so could a close family member/friend tell her the news?

 

[babybambi]

I recently had to tell one of my best friends that I was pregnant and she's been trying for 5 years and has just had to start private IVF. A year and half ago our other friend announced face to face she was expecting another baby and her reaction wasn't happy. I could tell she wanted to cry and tried to get us out of the house asap. I felt awful and just wanted to hug her. So when I found out I was having my second I decided to text her, I sent this:

Hi hun, I'm not really sure how to start this message, but I'm texting rather than face to face so you have the time to process it. I want you to be able to feel whatever you want, without having to smile when I know you won't want to smile.
If you haven't already guessed, I'm pregnant, it was planned but I didn't mention it because I've barely had symptoms and was worried I wasn't actually pregnant. But my scan today confirms I'm due 19th July.
I understand if you're not ready to talk just yet, but I'm here when you are ready.

And she was lovely with her reply, she said thanks for texting it and considering her feelings and that she was happy for me. We met up soon after for cake and coffee (hot chocolate in my case)

 

[george83]

I recently had to tell one of my best friends that I was pregnant and she's been trying for 5 years and has just had to start private IVF. A year and half ago our other friend announced face to face she was expecting another baby and her reaction wasn't happy. I could tell she wanted to cry and tried to get us out of the house asap. I felt awful and just wanted to hug her. So when I found out I was having my second I decided to text her, I sent this:

Hi hun, I'm not really sure how to start this message, but I'm texting rather than face to face so you have the time to process it. I want you to be able to feel whatever you want, without having to smile when I know you won't want to smile.
If you haven't already guessed, I'm pregnant, it was planned but I didn't mention it because I've barely had symptoms and was worried I wasn't actually pregnant. But my scan today confirms I'm due 19th July.
I understand if you're not ready to talk just yet, but I'm here when you are ready.

And she was lovely with her reply, she said thanks for texting it and considering her feelings and that she was happy for me. We met up soon after for cake and coffee (hot chocolate in my case)

Lovely message

 

[Cowgirl07]

Do not use a go between or anything. I've been in your sister's shoes, tell her by text or even call. Face to face is hard because hiding your feelings is difficult. She will probably need time to process and may shut you out for awhile, do not blame yourself it's just how it goes. I sent out messages via Fb to the people I knew who were struggling or gave up on ttc before announcing.