How would you prefer to be told?

[Snufflepop]

Hello,
I hope you don't mind me posting this here.

I have an older step sister who has had multiple failed IVF attempts. I have just found out I am expecting. I want to tell her in the most sensitive way possible and cause her the least amount of distress as I know it will be hard for her to hear.

From what I read online Email seems to be the preferred choice.

How would you ladies rather be told, face to face or email?

Thankyou for your help x

 

[Unlucky41]

Hi Oh yes this is very tough. My sister called me to tell me the good news and I was at work and couldn't stop crying! It felt horrible. I just felt so much pain and the feelings of hurt surpasses my joy for her. I ended up not being able to talk to her for ages and kept in contact via email.

Two months later we managed to get pregnant after 5 ivf and 1 fet hence we were ok again but man it is was tough.

Good on you for being so sensitive!

 

[His Princess]

I would say email of text. My sister told me she was expecting my second nephew by sending me a scan picture via whatsapp. I know it may seem a bit impersonal to some but it allowed me to shed a few tears and compose myself before speaking to her. I've had friends break it to me in the middle of pub, insist on telling me over the phone etc. and it really isn't nice. It isn't that she won't be happy for you, but she'll be sad for herself and I think it's a good idea to allow her to process those feelings on her own x

 

[DoxieLove]

I agree that an email or message would be best. My best friend told me she was pregnant on Facebook messenger. It was tough for me to hear because I had just had my second failed ivf attempt. I was able to process everything without her seeing my face or hearing my voice. I was pretty upset and felt sorry for myself but I got over it.

 

[KatO79]

So wonderful of you to be so considerate of your step sister's feelings

I'm a LTTTC'er that hasn't gotten my BFP yet (after 1 year and 7 months TTC plus 4 failed IUIs up to now). I agree with everyone here that it'd be best to do it via email or SMS so she can have a few minutes to feel sad for herself so she can better be able to tell you how happy she is for you.

I hope it goes well

 

[LillyTame]

I think it depends on how you guys usually communicate. If you guys mostly talk via text or email, then that way is fine. But if you mostly talk face to face or over the phone, I would think that way is best. Either way start with "this is hard for me because I know what you are going through but I want you to know xyz" or something along those lines. I think I would really appreciate hearing that part about you taking my emotions/journey into consideration. Good luck

 

[nessaw]

I agree email is best then she can take her time to react without having to do it with you at the other end of a phone line.

 

[Rurin]

When I was in the LTTTC trenches email was definitely the best way of finding out. Had a few very embarrassing teary moments with some friends over the years when they told me face to face. Bless them they thought they wee doing the right thing, but it is so rough because you want to be happy for them.but your heart just breaks inside.

 

[aidensmommy1]

I was so incredibly hurt when my bff told me she was unexpectedly pregnant over the phone. I couldn't even talk. After TTC with failure for over 2yrs, its more that I was sad for myself. I was happy for her but my sadness DEFINITELY made it hard let myself truly be happy for her. She, like you, has been very sensitive to my feelings and so we remained fine the whole time. She was just very careful about pregnancy talk with me, which I appreciated alot.

Anyway, like others have said, I think email or text would be best initially so that she can take in the news, u know? And then when SHE'S ready to talk about it, she will. Being a long term TTC'er, I'm touched by your sensitivity and the fact that you took the time to ask for advice here. I wish more of my friends were like you! Lol.

I wish you the best luck and a very healthy pregnancy! I just got my BFP after a very lucky 1st round of IVF and I still cannot believe my eyes!! I never thought itd happen! I wish us both a happy and healthy 9 months! And Hopefully your sis will join you soon! Good luck with everything!