How would you respond? -- "Are you pregnant yet?!?"

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by JPARR01, Mar 28, 2011.

  1. JPARR01

    JPARR01 2 girls and 1 boy otw!

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    Just wondering how you ladies would respond to this --->
    "Are you guys pregnant yet?!?!" "When are you going to start to try?!?"
    etc.. just questions like that.

    I have had a couple of people ask me that question before the positive PG test. I would normally just respond saying, "We are working on it" or "soon."

    Just wondering how you ladies would handle that after having a M/C.
    Has anyone been asked this? How did you respond?

    FYI- Only my immediate family (mom, MIL, father, etc..) know about the M/C cause of me having to go the hospital a couple of times etc...
     
  2. Andypanda6570

    Andypanda6570 3 Boys and an Angel Ava

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    I would probably tell them to mind their business and go jump in lake stupid :dohh: only kidding, i would never ask such a personal question of anyone and how dumb they would feel if they knew what you have been through :cry: I mean that is so personal to ask. IMO :hugs::hugs:
     
  3. sambam

    sambam Mummy of 2 princesses!

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    People who ask this aren't asking it in badness, just being nosey! I would just say, "sometime in the future"... its awkward though :( xxx
     
  4. MRS_HJO

    MRS_HJO Well-Known Member

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    Hey,

    I have had a constant stream of people asking me, "when are you guys going to start trying for a family?" And last weekend I didn't go to my niece's birthday party because I wasn't up to it and I'm really glad I didn't... Apparently that was the number one question they were asking my husband, and if they asked where I was, he told them I was home sick... So then their next question was, "Oh, home with morning sickness??? Hmmm???" Ugh, it tears my heart out. Of course, these people don't know we were trying, or pregnant, or miscarried... And people just ask this question like, "hey, how's the weather?" Little do they know... I told my DH from now on if people ask, they should be prepared for the REAL answer, not something to gloss over the subject...

    But for now, it's, "We are newlyweds, and we are just enjoying being married."

    :cry:
     
  5. JPARR01

    JPARR01 2 girls and 1 boy otw!

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    I am actually really glad you said, "I told my DH from now on if people ask, they should be prepared for the REAL answer, not something to gloss over the subject..."

    I have to be honest, if people have the nerve to ask me, then they should hear the truth. I am not ashamed or embarrassed for what has happened to me. I can say that those 5+ weeks... My DH and I were thrilled and excited!

    Hope that made sense.
     
  6. MRS_HJO

    MRS_HJO Well-Known Member

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    EXACTLY. If they have the nerve to ask, expect to hear the truth. I'm done pretending.
     
  7. McStars

    McStars Expecting #3

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    I just tell people, unless I don't really know them. All of our friends and family knows the trouble we are having. But when you tell people be prepared for them to say something else in response that will probably piss you off or make you feel like they're being insensitive. It never ends! Unless a couple has been though it they don't understand how it feels.
     
  8. JPARR01

    JPARR01 2 girls and 1 boy otw!

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    Yes, no one understand how it feels unless they have been through it.
     
  9. mommyatheart

    mommyatheart Member

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    I've had a few people ask me that since my m/c and honestly I laughed it off and said not yet. Then once I got home, I cried.

    Idk if that is helpful
     
  10. pooch

    pooch Well-Known Member

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    i would say yeah we're trying and we actually just had a miscarriage, THANKS FOR ASKING! just like when people ask me 'are you pregnant?' and i say no i'm just fat, THANKS FOR ASKING! i don't care anymore about sparing idiot's feelings, sorry if i'm blunt. and i know they're not all idiots but if they have the ba!!s to ask, they should be prepared to hear the truth.
    sorry for the rant :/
     
  11. Mumof42009

    Mumof42009 Mum Of 4 Preemie's

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    I would just tell them if you want to :hugs: or just say we are happy at the moment with it just being the 2 of us.
     
  12. Golden Orchid

    Golden Orchid Well-Known Member

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    Tell me about it?!? One friend who I've told and she knows about mc etc. she has said to brush it off with a joke like "i've got 1 baby (referring to hubby, who needs another............." or for those who have children "you're scaring me with yours............."!! This friend, her and her husband have been married nearly 8 years and have been through IVF a couple of times and is SOOOO FED UP of people asking. It is a VERY sensitive issue. One "friend" who is REALLY bugging me at the mo (in fact,dreamt last night I had a massive shouting match with her!) and last week she asked and was like "oh, come on........get on with it.........it's lovely having a little person to play with........" I felt like PUNCHING her as found it quite upsetting. Wanted to SCREAM and say "ACTUALLY, HAD A MC A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO", that would have shut her up. What makes it worse with her is she had fertility probs and was lucky enough to conceive after treatment, but following her problems she should be more sensitive. EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING!! Sorry about rant, but needed to vent! :flower:
     
  13. roothy

    roothy Well-Known Member

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    I was asked by my hairdresser about 3 weeks after my m/c - ' have you got any news about the patter of tiny feet the yet?'
    I just said no as I couldnt face opening up the conversation,

    I think now - 6 weeks on I would answer differently and be honest but it prob also depends who asks the question. If I dont know them that well then I really dont want to get into it with them
     
  14. pink80

    pink80 Please......

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    I used to get that question all the time - so when it happened I made sure that the word was spread to those people that I thought should know i.e. Aunts/Uncles/Grandparents. and I made sure all my close friends knew. It has defintely helped me as I wouldn't have been able to deal with it otherwise.

    I was asked by someone doing my beauty treatments the other day, and I burst into tears, so I had to tell her. It soon ended that conversation....

    Just say whatever you are comfortable with.

    xx
     
  15. Andypanda6570

    Andypanda6570 3 Boys and an Angel Ava

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    Good for you, your my kinda of girl!! :hugs:
     
  16. JPARR01

    JPARR01 2 girls and 1 boy otw!

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    If people have the nerve to ask.... then be prepared to hear the truth!

    You ladies are some pretty tough cookies! :thumbup:
     
  17. JPARR01

    JPARR01 2 girls and 1 boy otw!

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    :thumbup:
     
  18. Andypanda6570

    Andypanda6570 3 Boys and an Angel Ava

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    I do understand people really mean no harm in asking BUT for me and the way I am I just would never ask someone that. What if they can't have kids, what if they just lost a baby , what if their child recently died, what if they don't like or want kids , you just don't know what people are going through so I just feel it's not polite, not saying people mean to be impolite it is just something I never have or ever will ask. :hugs:
    After losing my baby I have learned not to judge anyone till you have walked in their shoes, God that saying is SOOoooo true :cry:
     
  19. CKJ

    CKJ Well-Known Member

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    I'd def tell them the truth, for my sanity more than anything. I totally understand those who don't want to talk about it but the hardest part for me is people not knowing, I want to shout: Damn I WAS pregnant I HAD a life inside me! So if people ask they get the truth...it helps me and it educates them (to poss not ask others! Lol)

    Do whatever u feel helps u and don't give a damn whether it makes someone else uncomfortable!

    Xxx
     
  20. hopingtobemum

    hopingtobemum Well-Known Member

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    def tell the truth! I have had 2 miscarriages (probably 3 - just waiting on bloods!) and I'm past keeping things a secret. Everyone knows I'm trying for a baby which means it'll never be a secret but at least people know what I've been through!
    Good Luck xxx
     

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