:-( Hubby said no to any more babies

Discussion in 'Baby Club' started by mrsp14, Jan 23, 2011.

  1. mrsp14

    mrsp14 Well-Known Member

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    So LO is just over 3 months and is a dream baby. She very rarely cries, has slept through since about 3 weeks, and is generally a very easy going baby. I've said to husband that i'd like to try for another asap, (its not likely to happen that quick as i'm breastfeeding) and he kinda said he wanted to wait. Then last night he said he doesn't want anymore full stop. I'm heartbroken. I can't stand the idea of never having another baby. And now i feel guilty cos its like LO isn't enough..which of course she is..I love her more than possible... I just always thought i'd have two children, and I hate the idea of LO growing up an only child (no offence to those who choose to only have one). I have no idea if he'll change his mind and i'm not sure how to explain to him that its not just an idea i had in my head that I can forget about, I can't stop thinking about hacving another baby... all day every day its in my mind. Broodiness isn't just something you can forget as i'm sure you ladies will understand. What do I do? :cry:

    Sorry for the long post...needed to get it out. I'm so gutted at the thought of never having another.
     
  2. katy1310

    katy1310 Mummy of 1

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    :hug:

    Was it something you ever discussed before having your first one? DH and I always talked about having two but now I don't know if I'll be able to or if it would be too risky getting pregnant again, after having such severe pre eclampsia last time and having Sophie at 27 weeks. I feel really upset at the thought of not being able to have two so in a way I kind of know how you are feeling.

    I hope it's something you can talk about and that he'll come round to having another on e:hugs::hugs:
     
  3. OmiOmen

    OmiOmen Mum of two

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    Aww, I feel for you but you probably can not do much to change his mind. But do remember that most people would not want another when they have a 3 month old so it does not mean he will always feel like that even if he says he will. Right after having a baby it is easy to see why it is the last thing on his mind.

    DH said he only ever wanted one but last week he changed him mind and have set the date to try in 2 years. So no full stop does not always stay that way.
     
  4. mrsp14

    mrsp14 Well-Known Member

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    When we first talked about it he said he wanted loads of kids!!! I always said two..... when I was pregnant we said two..... and now LO is here he's saying no more. I'd understand if we had a difficult baby but she's so easy going I get a slight guilt complex when i hear other mothers talking about problems they have!!!! I'm gonna try and explain to him that I really don't think i can settle for one, i'm willing to wait longer rather than straight away as I originally said, but never.... that just seems unfathomable :-(

    Sorry to hear about the possible risk you have katy1310... are you able to speak to your dr about it and see if theres anything they can do to reduce the risks?
     
  5. Celesse

    Celesse Well-Known Member

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    Personally I'd find someone else to fertilise my eggs.

    But if your after a more diplomatic solution why don't you talk to him. Surely a relationship is about negotiation and if he won't have another baby that means you can't have another baby if you stay with him. Tell him what it means to you and how important it is. And find out why he now only wants one and put his mind at rest.
     
  6. katy1310

    katy1310 Mummy of 1

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    I would have to speak to the consultant who was monitoring me last time and see what the risks would be....I would get consultant care next time from the beginning and more monitoring etc but the worry is that because I got it so early (it was discovered at 25 weeks) and so severely (one hour from organ failure if Sophie hadn't been delivered when she was) it could come back again even earlier. xxx
     
  7. lozzy21

    lozzy21 Mummy to Niamh

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    Your LO is still tiny at 3 months, Id wait a while and bring it up when LO is older. Enjoy her for a while,
     
  8. babz1986

    babz1986 Well-Known Member

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    i'd say leave it for another 5 months or so and see what he says then! men take so much longer to adapt to having a baby in their lives then most women do and 3 months isn't really that long in a mans mind! lol

    He'll probably change his mind once he's got completely used to having your LO in your lifes and the changes its brought..even if he does seem 'ok' on the outside.. all men are robots!
     
  9. freckleonear

    freckleonear Crunchy mummy

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    For over a year after my first I was adamant I never wanted any more children! Having a baby is a big adjustment and all your previous plans can temporarily go out of the window. I would gently let him know how you feel but don't put any pressure on him and give him a bit of time to get used to having one baby first!
     
  10. Rhiannon

    Rhiannon SAHM to Rhys

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    aww hun, i know how you feel, my DH is the same, deffinatly no more he says or maybe in 4-5 years time.

    its killing me to be honest and its all i think about, makes me very unhappy :(

    just trying to get over it at the moment which im finding really hard.

    hope your DH changes his mind :)

    xxxx
     
  11. rainbows_x

    rainbows_x Mummy.

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    Ditto.

    My OH never anted children. Now he is adament we are to have no more :(
    I also hate the thought of her being an only child, I loved having a sibling to grow up with. No advice sorry :hugs: x
     
  12. Rhiannon

    Rhiannon SAHM to Rhys

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    heartbreaking though isnt it :(


    xx
     
  13. mystika802

    mystika802 Well-Known Member

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    We arent having any more either :( I think there's something in you that might always want another one, but like everyone is saying, its still really early to decide if thats truly how he feels
     
  14. xpinkyperkyx

    xpinkyperkyx mother of 1 and pregnant!

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    this is great advice, my friend had the similar situation as you hun, her OH said no straight away to any more children and gave no reason at all, she was devestated as you can emapthise with but he just closed up and they had a huge fight ocer it, she accepted it in the end and tried to make the most of having one child. then out of the blue he started dropping hints about another one and they had a little boy at the end of october. when she spoke to him about it, turns out he was really stressed out by this massive life change, he was worrying about mony and how they would cope with their baby and adding another child into the mix would turn their lives upside down again. personally i think that he just took a while to adjust and by the time their daughter was 7months old he was able to do more with her. sorry for long post hun, i would say to him that you do want more children but you're willing to wait for a while and talk to him about it when your LO's a bit older x:hugs:
     
  15. aliss

    aliss Well-Known Member

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    Give him time. My OH is pressuring me and it's really upsetting, it puts me off it more. You may have an easygoing baby (I don't) but it's a lot of change for him too and some people need more time to recover from that change.
     
  16. Paxton

    Paxton Mum + Wife-to-be

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    Both of my pregnancies were sort of out-of-the-blue surprises.

    I'm sure your DH isn't so adament on never having anymore kids that he'll give up sex completely ;) So it's possible that you'll get another LO anyways. Birth control isn't 100% effective.
     
  17. Lena

    Lena Guest

    He's probably just overwhelmed at the moment. Even though your LO is very easy going, Im sure she still cries and requires a lot of attention, because babies just do. Regardless how easy going babies are, theres no denying, they're hard work!

    My husband said 'no more kids' when we first had Nathan because of all the sleepless nights, colic, etc. Heck, I even said 'no more kids' the first few months. I've now gotten him to a 'we'll see' now that Nate's older, smiling giggling, saying dada, and a bit more interactive and fun. I'm not pushing it at the moment because I think in the end, we will have another. I'm just enjoying LO.
     
  18. mrsp14

    mrsp14 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for all your comments ladies. Think i'll just let him know that i do want more kids in teh future then leave it at that. I suppose he could be worrying about money etc, and a baby is a huge change to adjust too even if my LO is the easiest going baby ever!!! Fingers crossed he'll change his mind eventually. I'm gonna mark six months in my diary then bring it up...that sounds a little bonkers doesn't it!!?? I just mean i'm gonna mark it so's that I don't keep going on about it now... don't wanna be a nag about it!!! Till then will keep quiet about it all!!!!
     

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