HUGE rant.

[Alexis]

SO. I feel like this could possibly be the month, my OH and I are so excited that this could be it right. I'm having all the usual symptoms and what not. But this is what really bothers me.

My OH just got back home from a 30 day military leave for having huge stress fractures in his legs. Since Monday morning he has been rude to me, not calling me, not answering my calls/texts (but will call/text his friends). Today he knew i was going to call at 10 this morning when I woke up for school. Never answered. I didnt talk to him until 8 hours later. He didnt call from someone elses phone NOTHING.

THEN. I find out from my best friend Liz that he is going out to a party tonight with the 3 girls he made out with at a party before he left... and he wasnt going to tell me. Why would he do that? Well, so far theyre rumors, but i know two of the girls like to get around if you know what i mean. AND THEN i just found out hes going out to a hotel party. Whenever he hangs out with his friend vince he always gets this way and gets in toruble and ignores me like i mean nothing to him. and it really hurts me. Hes been talking down to me like im dumb saysing "How many times did you go out and party when i couldnt!?" and i told him it was because he was still in high school and couldnt go out on the week days. I asked him to come visit me tonight (im 30 minutes away from him) and he said he couldnt because he was too tired. not too tired to go drink with some other girls though. it makes me so mad!!!

he hasnt been home since july 2nd. and the first night hes home he doesnt come up to see me. how rude is that? just because hes at a party doesnt mean he shouldnt talk to me right? he said "Its like youre checking up on me..." its not like that. i just havent talked to him all day. and want to talk to him but it does get me angry and jealous and worrysome that hes out with those girls.

and to think i may be carrying his child. is hes not man enough to take care of me and assure me that everything is okay and he loves me (which he only said 2 times today) then how in the world is he supposed to take care of his child?

im done. thank you for reading.

 

[Pux]

Didn't want to read and run but I hope everything works out.

 

[TigerLady]

aww, hon, I'm sorry. Believe it or not, I know EXACTLY how you feel. It sounds like you are reading a page from my diary when I was in college.

Any one of a number of things could be at issue. Maybe he feels pressured or freaked about the TTC thing. Maybe he's scared (scared stupid). Maybe he feels like he needs to get some wild times out of his system.

Either way, it looks like you have a lot to sort out. You have some good ?s that deserve answers b4 you guys have a family. If you are already pg, the baby comes first and he needs to understand that. If not, maybe you guys need to get these things settled and THEN go foward to the baby.

I know it's sooo hard! Depsite it being over 10 years ago, I remember those feelings and those times that a certain someone put me through like it was yesterday. Hang in there! Don't settle! Don't go crazy (that will only drive him further away)! Do some calm thinking and revisit things when you are both able to talk calmly about it all.

 

[Alexis]

i seriously love that youre on this board tiger lady. youre like the big sister ive always wanted.

i understand he hasnt seen his friends in months... but why does he have to be with those girls? he doesnt reassure me that everything is fine... he just nods his head and agrees with me like a robot. <--- thats what he does i think. ahaha like a typical boy. its just frustrating when he seems so into having a baby and then pulls a stunt like this. and he wants us to get married in january so we can start our life together and move in together once he gets his duty station. but why do this? yanno?

i trust him. but i dont trust the girls he is with. does that make sense? i know he wouldnt start anything. but my fiance' is a very very good looking man. and is very desirable.

i will definately talk to him about this once we settle down a bit. sicne halloween is this weekend we have a few costume parties to go to, or for me be DD to lol, and trick or treating in our neighborhoods.

 

[TigerLady]

I understand what you mean... but... honestly, it shouldn't be about not trusting those girls... it is about trusting HIM. If you trust him, it doesn't matter what those girls do, he won't go with it. If you're afraid they can persuade him, then you don't really trust him.

I know, without a doubt, my OH would NEVER cross that line. He goes out... travels out of town, goes to the bars with old buddies, watches as his bro tries to pick up girls... and I never worry.

Except for Jennifer Connelly... ... that's his "one free pass." If he has a chance with her, he can take it and I won't hold it against him.

What I DON'T do is call and nag while he's out. Experience has taught me that will only get a girl MORE heartache and fights.

Get some rest and think about it more in the morning when you're not so mad.

 

[Alexis]

lol we have the same understanding with that one. only his 2 free passes are Jessica Alba and Penelope Cruz. mine are Justin Timberlake and Jesse McCartney. ahaha God I just made myself sound like a 12 year tween girl. ahaha

yeah i know what you mean about calling him. and usually im really good about it. today its different. i hadnt talked to him all day and then when he FINALLY texts/calls me back he leaves for the party. i just wish he could have given me like 10-15 minutes of his time to just talk to me. he didnt even ask me how MY day was. it seems like he doesnt care.

hopefully this is my pg hormones kicking in super early. so that way i can blame them. LOL.

hes only 18. so he still has alot of growing up to do and realizing what it takes to make an engagement, having a child, and marriage work.

thank you dear. im going to bed in a bit. sleep well!!

 

[elly460]

I can relate to the whole him going out and not telling you where or who he's with... This is a dilemma I faced last month, and it's still eating away at me.. (Ended up lying about going to an exs party then got another chicks number which i found in his phone) And he also doesn't answer his phone on occasion... It's a tough one. You feel betrayed in a way. But I hope your situation gets better and you are happy in the end.

 

[Alexis]

I can relate to the whole him going out and not telling you where or who he's with... This is a dilemma I faced last month, and it's still eating away at me.. (Ended up lying about going to an exs party then got another chicks number which i found in his phone) And he also doesn't answer his phone on occasion... It's a tough one. You feel betrayed in a way. But I hope your situation gets better and you are happy in the end.

so much for me going to sleep. lol i always find myself on BnB late into the night!!

i do feel betrayed. and i knew who he was with, but i had to find out from my best friend, who found out from her other friend (the one h was going out with). just seems like when he gets around those people he reverts back into his own ways. and i dont like it and wont tolerate being lied to and having things hidden behind my back. guarentee if i didnt confront him about it tonight he would have told me he was going to bed.

 

[who's_mummy]

this is a tough one to answer and I apologise now because I know it's probably not what you want to hear but I have to agree with Tigerlady that I think these issues are something that you really should be sorting out before TTC. Once a baby is here then if he carries on behaving in this way then you'll find a whole heap of resentment building towards him, it's not like you're just stuck at home when he's out but you'll be stuck at home with a host of responsibilities towards your child on top of all the feelings you have at the moment.

For the record I think it sounds like his main problem is immaturity so it should be able to be fixed with time hopefully!

Hope you don't mind me saying all of this , just thought I'd write an honest reply as I see it.

Gemma x

 

[Nutmeg]

Aww no ((hugs)). Maybe he just needs to let of steam before meeting up with you? Being away can make them act a bit weird at times. Not really any excuse for his behaviour towards you though.

 

[Alexis]

i agree with you both completely.

he just called at 330 AM my time ahaha. thanks? he left the hotel party... stupid thing was that the room was put under his name and hes not there. but at least he left. he apologized and said "I have been so stressed lately and needed a release" and i told him not to make excuses because 'excuses are like buttholes, everyone has them, and they all stink' ahaha

i told him everything ive said on here and told him maybe we need to reconsider having a baby until he can realize that it cant always be about him.

what it boiled down to is that he should have no reason not to tell me where hes going. and if he needs a day to unwind thats fine because everyone does, but i asked him that next time he needs that to tell me, otherwise it looks like youre ignoring me.

that whole girl thing. *sigh* i still just don't know about them. guess i have to learn to deal better with that.

thank you everyone who has replied thats why i love this board, because everyone is so willing to help, and always makes me feel better.

but what am i doing up so late? i have class in 5 hours!?

love you all.

 

[who's_mummy]

, let's hope it sinks in a bit with him. Men eh?!

Gemma x