Husband after having baby

[snailien]

Is anyone else's husband constantly tired and moody after having your bubs?

Mine is not getting enough sleep (I always let him sleep in on weekends and get up with LO), is constantly moody and feels hard done by because he doesn't get enough time with LO as she's always tired and grouchy by the time he gets home from work.

I don't know how to make him happy anymore.

He feels we don't have any fun, never have a laugh, etc.

I'm tired too and am lucky to still be on maternity leave but I haven't had an unbroken night or a lie in since LO arrived but I am happy and never moan.

What can I do?!

 

[AlwaysPraying]

Story of my life! You have to let him be this way unfortunately. It's not your job to make sure he's happy all the time. Of course you do what you can to please each other in a relationship but be reasonable and know your boundaries. Like you said your tired too! I honestly think men are more sensitive than women are to babies. They need their sleep and are more expressive when they are tired. Women tend to suck it up and just deal with it.

You could try making a date night. It's very important that you maintain your relationship away from baby. Get a sitter and spend time together. Also both of you need your own time away from baby and each other. Will give you time to recharge. My husband sleeps downstairs right now because the night feeds wake him up and he's miserable the next day. No sense both of us being up so he can sleep downstairs and be refreshed for the next day. I know that doesn't work for everyone but it is for us.

 

[snailien]

Yeah we have a futon downstairs and he will sleep there sometimes but moans about that too cos it's colder and he's away from us. I understand I do and have said if he puts furon in LO's room I'll move in there for now.

What ever I say or do is not right and won't make him happy!

 

[sjminimac]

Is anyone else's husband constantly tired and moody after having your bubs?

Mine is not getting enough sleep (I always let him sleep in on weekends and get up with LO), is constantly moody and feels hard done by because he doesn't get enough time with LO as she's always tired and grouchy by the time he gets home from work.

I don't know how to make him happy anymore.

He feels we don't have any fun, never have a laugh, etc.

I'm tired too and am lucky to still be on maternity leave but I haven't had an unbroken night or a lie in since LO arrived but I am happy and never moan.

What can I do?!

are you married to my husband? I could have written this! Xx

 

[Mrs Doddy]

My h is setting up a business and I feel I don't have his attention for me and lo enough. I have said that sundays are "family day" and we will do something altogether, he does get up if lo needs feeding at the weekend if its after six which alot of the time its not typical !! if you are getting enough sleep then why isn't he ?? does he do the nights ??

 

[snailien]

My h is setting up a business and I feel I don't have his attention for me and lo enough. I have said that sundays are "family day" and we will do something altogether, he does get up if lo needs feeding at the weekend if its after six which alot of the time its not typical !! if you are getting enough sleep then why isn't he ?? does he do the nights ??

No, I breastfeed and LO is in our room and often co-sleeps (altho we have a bedside cot) as I feed her in bed and just fall back to sleep. This causes probelsm cos of space and noise. I think he needs a lot of sleep. We pretty much go to bed at 10 and are up at 7.

 

[Mrs Doddy]

ah ok so maybe this disturbs him, thats a difficult one for you not sure what to suggest

re not having fun any more do you go out together? do the things that you used to ?? maybe set a day on the weekend and one evening where you do something altogether xx

 

[snailien]

ah ok so maybe this disturbs him, thats a difficult one for you not sure what to suggest

re not having fun any more do you go out together? do the things that you used to ?? maybe set a day on the weekend and one evening where you do something altogether xx

We always seem to be so busy and socialise with people on the weekends and with breast feeding it's difficult to go out without LO. She's started to be very clingy lately.

 

[Mrs Doddy]

time together as a family is just as important hon xx

 

[snailien]

We went for a drink after work (we have a great family pub down the road). Basically he's bored of the mundane... he wants to see his friends more, us have more fun, feel like lovers again not just friends, and to stop spending the evenings watching crap tv!

It's so hard when you're tired not to fall into that trap isn't it?

What do you ladies do of an evening with your DH's?

 

[Mrs Doddy]

Watch crap on tv !! H gets up early in the mornig so we don't tend to go out in the week

there's nothing stopping you both doing those things he suggested, maybe set says aside to do them, If you are tired maybe watch a film or something

 

[snailien]

Watch crap on tv !! H gets up early in the mornig so we don't tend to go out in the week

LOL! It's so hard not to isn't it! Yeah we will definately make some changes from now. He used to go out and play 5aside and stuff but money is really tight atm and that has a huge effect one life doesn't it. I think that doesn't help matters tbh, he slogs his guts out at work and feels he has nothing much to show for it - don't get me wrong... we rent a lovely house, have nice things, but things are tight. TBH I feel we have so much to be happy for!

 

[Mrs Doddy]

Yeah I know where you are coming from, it's hard when money is tight

 

[beatnick]

we just watch crap tv!

my dh cannot possibly get up in the night or early in the morning as he is "far too tired from work."

if he does get up boy do i hear about it. plus it comes up in arguements "but i got up last night" so sometimes i just think its easier not to bother.

the weekends are harder as you think you will get help and you dont really.

 

[snailien]

we just watch crap tv!

my dh cannot possibly get up in the night or early in the morning as he is "far too tired from work."

if he does get up boy do i hear about it. plus it comes up in arguements "but i got up last night" so sometimes i just think its easier not to bother.

the weekends are harder as you think you will get help and you dont really.

lol! i could've wrote that!

 

[Mrs Doddy]

we just watch crap tv!

my dh cannot possibly get up in the night or early in the morning as he is "far too tired from work."

if he does get up boy do i hear about it. plus comes up in arguements "but i got up last night" so sometimes i just think its easier not to bother.

the weekends are harder as you think you will get help and you dont really.

never mind that we do it all the time and don't get to sleep during the day, yep easier just to do it ourselves! Does this make you resent oh? I try not to but get frustrated that I do most things for lo. It's supposed to be a 50/50 thing imo but doesn't seem to happen that way

 

[Serenity81]

we just watch crap tv!

my dh cannot possibly get up in the night or early in the morning as he is "far too tired from work."

if he does get up boy do i hear about it. plus comes up in arguements "but i got up last night" so sometimes i just think its easier not to bother.

the weekends are harder as you think you will get help and you dont really.

never mind that we do it all the time and don't get to sleep during the day, yep easier just to do it ourselves! Does this make you resent oh? I try not to but get frustrated that I do most things for lo. It's supposed to be a 50/50 thing imo but doesn't seem to happen that way

Sorry to jump in here but I could have written your post myself! My baby girl is 8 weeks old tomorrow and I am starting to resent my OH a bit. In a day I probably do 95% of the care for her, he is the other 5% and that's being generous!! I absolutely love my little girl to pieces and love looking after her but I kind of assumed I would be getting a bit more help from her daddy. It's not just that, we also have 3 other kids, so he leaves looking after all four of them to me AND all the housework. I wouldn't even mind if I was doing everything for LO and he was helping in other ways such as around the house etc but he's not. When he isn't working, he's sleeping or playing his playstation So yeah it is making me feel a bit resentful towards him as we planned to have our LO together so I think it should be a 50/50 job but that's just me xx

 

[Mrs Doddy]

I just don't get it, they agree to have a baby but leave the care to us ???

 

[snailien]

To be fair, OH does earn the money so I don't expect it to be 50/50. I do all the washing and dishes and the rest gets done as and when, one of us will crack eventually! But because I breastfeed then I always get up every morning with LO and would very much like a lie in myself now!

 

[beatnick]

yes i do resent him sometimes. but i tend to think you reap what you sew with children. sometimes only i can get zakk to sleep or comfort him.

my friend has reliably told me she has this row about once a month with her dh. and many of her friends do to.