Husband told 2.5 year old that, "...you could die."

[EarthMama]

Is it this me or is this really fucked up? Husband was worried that 2.5 year old son would fall down from something so said "be careful or you could fall and die."

This is really bothering me that he said that.

 

[hayz_baby]

Sounds like he may of got scared and said that without thinking through. We all make mistakes

 

[MommyJogger]

For me it depends on the situation. Was it the truth or was your husband exaggerating to dissuade him? If it were the truth, it probably wouldn't bother me. We've explained to my son that if he runs into the road he could get hit by a car and it has a chance of killing him. But it's a fast, major road and if a car hit him, he really would likely die instantly.

 

[sue_88]

If it was true, then I'm not sure why it should bother you.

I've told my LO if she goes into the kitchen cupboard and ingests anything from inside she could die, because it's true

 

[liz1985]

I've said it to ds before. He ran off in a car park and I told him if he got hit by a car he could die. He does have a very vague understanding of death and understood he'd done something dangerous. I think it depends on the context it was said.

 

[morri]

i dont think 2.5 year olds have a concept of death yet, i think it comes later.

 

[emyandpotato]

I agree with the others. No reason to lie about the severity of the consequences. He needs to understand that there is real danger and you're not just making rules for fun.

 

[MommyJogger]

i dont think 2.5 year olds have a concept of death yet, i think it comes later.

Depends on the kid and what you consider "good enough" for understanding the concept. Our friends have a weird habit of buying breakable 'toys' for DS1. We've always told him the toys "die" when they're broken beyond repair/use and that when something or someone dies, they don't come back. He gets it, for the most part. When something is broken, he'll ask if it's "dead/die", then if we say no, he'll confirm "It's coming back?". When we've told him the cars will kill him, he confirms "Me not come back?".

 

[MiniKiwi]

I think it's a bit heavy to say to a 2yo. We tell DD that she could get hurt and it'd be very sore, that's enough of a deterrent. She doesn't understand the concept of death and I'm careful not to say things which might frighten her or give her anxiety. She is still cautious around roads, heights etc. no need to mention death imo.

 

[MommyJogger]

I wanted to add since it seems a bit one-sided at the moment that just because it wouldn't bother some of us doesn't mean it's not okay that it bothers you, EarthMama. And if something like that bothers you, then I think he should refrain from it in the future. If either DH or I veto something like that after we've both discussed our feelings about it, it's vetoed and we respect that.

 

[Zephram]

If it's true and factual and not an overreaction, then I think it's okay to say. We have a very high deck and my LO sometimes sticks his foot through the railing (he can't actually fall through it) and says "Fall down there, mummy?". I always reply "If you fell from this high you might really hurt yourself or die", because it's true. He's a gung ho boy and he probably would try to jump off when he was older if we didn't dissuade him. He doesn't know what death is yet, but he'll figure it out and make the connection.

 

[Scout]

It would bother me too. Even if it's a true statement, I see no need to tell a child he could die. I remember being so scared of death when i was a child that I had problems with sleep (I was older though, around 5).

 

[minties]

I don't get what is bad about it? Everybody dies.

 

[kosh]

My DH says the same to my almost 3yo for situations like those mentioned ie real danger, roads, etc and although I agree with pp that it shouldn't be a problem but it still makes me uncomfortable somehow

 

[kosh]

I don't get what is bad about it? Everybody dies.

well, we know that and a 2-3yo may have some vague idea of what death is if they experienced the death of a relative, etc but I am almost sure that at that age they wouldn't imagine they will die at some point. that's what makes me feel uncomfortable. But I know that I have serious issues re. accepting death

 

[pinklightbulb]

It seems a bit much but we say things without thinking in the moment. I know I have.

 

[MiniKiwi]

I don't get what is bad about it? Everybody dies.

Small things often get blown out of proportion in little kids heads, monsters under their bed or something they've seen on tv can scare them for weeks. The thought of not existing anymore is huge and frightening for a lot of adults, I think it's way too much for a child to take on board.

I can't believe I'm in the minority here. I'd feel the same, OP, if my OH said that to our daughter. I just think it's so unnecessary.

 

[AngelUK]

I shy away from it too and I too find it unnecessary to say something like that. I would tell my boys that they could get very seriously hurt and I think they have a better understanding of that than death. I don't think it is necessarily wrong to tell a child about death, it just makes me uncomfy at this stage.

 

[Tor]

I don't like it at all, I would say "you'll get very hurt" but I would never say "you could die" just really don't like the idea of it and wouldn't want my 2 year old to have to think about themselves dying even if they properly understood it tbh, I can understand saying it in the heat of the moment if they ran into a road or something and you panic but otherwise no.

 

[Bevziibubble]

He probably just didn't think it through before saying it.
I don't really like talking about death, so I usually just say to be careful or she could get badly hurt.