Husband wants dd in the delivery room

[Eclaire]

My dd just turned 2 last week. She is very involved in my midwife care attending all of the appointments and helping (in her way) with the routine care. Since she is so interested, my husband thinks we should let her attend/be involved in the birth. I am planning an unmedicated water birth at a birth center.

On the other hand I fear it might be traumatic for her. She is very protective of me and tries to make me feel better every time I am sick or have a pain. Also, I screamed at the top of my lungs through the pushing when my daughter was born.

Has anyone had older children with them while giving birth? What did you think of the experience? Would you do it again or recommend it? Thanks in advance for all of your experiences and opinions.

 

[m nonie]

I personally wouldn't, just as I'd worry about if things became stressful for her :/ DS is highly involved but I think I'd worry to much about him during labour if that makes sense? But it is a personal opinion and decision .

 

[Blu10]

I agree with pp..also if things did go wrong during delivery your DH would be torn between being with you and taking DD out. Also labour an go on for hours so DD has potential to get bored and it may happen in the middle of the night when shes asleep.good luck x

 

[PrincessTaz]

Are you sure they'd even allow that? When I was having my ds I'd originally also planned to have an unmedicated water birth at the birth centre. When I asked of my little sister who was 11 at the time could be there they said no as it could be too traumatic and having another child to worry about if things did not go as planned would be too much for everyone. They did however say she could wait in the family room, which was like a living room with a kitchen, and keep visitit me.and be there as soon as he was born. Didn't work out anyway as I had to be induced x

 

[StarAngel]

I personally think it would be traumatic for her to see you going through that especially if shes protective over you it might cause alot of panic and stress on her. Besides mw here says when it comes to little children to try limit their visits even in hospitals as they can carry germs which could be harmful to newborn. Dunno if thats just something they say to ftm but its def food for thought.

 

[winterbabies3]

Oh gosh no! You can pay attention to whatS going on with dd and being in labor!

 

[likeaustralia]

I plan to have my 3yo there with us, but my husband will be the primary carer for him while my doula will be my primary support person. DH will support too obviously, but if someone needs to step out with DS, DH will be there to do it and not have to worry about leaving me unsupported.

 

[Berri]

Not an option at the hospital I went to either. DS1 came to all the OB appointments/scans with us so was involved from that point of view. When I was unexpectedly induced just shy of 38wks and we were having a hard time finding someone to get to our place to look after him the midwife said that he could be in there for a bit (as long as DH was there) but once it got to the "nitty gritty" if there was no-one else DH would have to take DS out. As it turned out my sister got to our place just in time anyway. I really don't think I would have wanted him there, it's just not my thing and not his either I don't think - 2 he was VERY demanding of my time and attention (still is really ;p).

 

[Eleanor ace]

For me it would be a no. My DS was 21 months when I had my DD and I laboured at home until I was 8cm. I found it hard having him there as I was really conscious of not upsetting him and I felt restricted in what I could do as things like moaning through the pain or not talking through contractions made him worried. I felt better once I got to hospital and could focus on myself.

 

[jstarr]

Personally I wouldn't be comfortable with that, it's lovely to include her but your OH needs to be supporting you without having a 2 year old to look after and it could be very confusing for her. Can she not wait with relatives and come in as soon as possible after delivery? Ultimately I would say it's up to you what you feel is right you're the one popping the baby out!

 

[Eclaire]

Thanks for your thoughts ladies. It is my understanding that she would be welcome in the delivery if I wanted it. I have my brother's family lined up to watch her when I go into labor. I don't think my husband will let this go until I have been advised against it from my midwife and dd's pediatrician. I will be talking with both of them at our next appointments in three weeks.

I did have dd watch a video of a woman giving birth. It was a very edited video not showing much of the discomfort before the baby comes out. I explained what she saw. When it was over she asked for more. I know seeing a video won't be close to the experience of actually seeing someone you know and love going through it. But thought it might be a good starting point for her to understand how the baby gets out of mommy's tummy.

 

[WW1]

I wouldn't feel comfortable with that at all. I don't want to be worrying about DD when I should be concentrating on giving birth. Also, it's one thing to see a stranger on a video but quite another to see mummy in pain! What is your DHs reasoning for her being there?

 

[Eclaire]

I am not sure I understand his reasoning. I think it has something to do with her understanding that the baby in mommy's tummy isn't there anymore but this little person. I don't know. Maybe I can get him to clarify for me.

 

[icklemonster]

Given how traumatised I was aged 29 seeing my best friend go through (an admittedly traumatic) labour which ended up with her being whizzed away for an urgent emergency c-section, I could never risk having my DD with me. You just don't know what is going to happen with birth. You could end up being taken to theatre alone in a similar situation, because your OH would have to stay behind with LO.

 

[mummytobe_93]

My dd just turned 2 last week. She is very involved in my midwife care attending all of the appointments and helping (in her way) with the routine care. Since she is so interested, my husband thinks we should let her attend/be involved in the birth. I am planning an unmedicated water birth at a birth center.

On the other hand I fear it might be traumatic for her. She is very protective of me and tries to make me feel better every time I am sick or have a pain. Also, I screamed at the top of my lungs through the pushing when my daughter was born.

Has anyone had older children with them while giving birth? What did you think of the experience? Would you do it again or recommend it? Thanks in advance for all of your experiences and opinions.

I personally wouldn't. My daughter was 20 months when I had my son accidentally at home (fast labour) completely unmedicated with no health professionals there just my partner. My daughter was in the next room to the bathroom and thankfully she slept through it but I would have hated for her to hear me.
I was panicking and screaming in pain. A completely different experience than my first. I was silent with my first on just gas and air and coped well. With number 2 I couldn't cope I probavly went from 4- 10 in 20 mins. Not good and very Intense. Just because you may have coped well in one labour you may not in the next.

I think at times like that you need to be selfish and focus on yourself and you can't be worrying or focusing on another child there xx

 

[ClaireJ23]

I definitely wouldn't have DD1 with me. She is 2 1/2 but just wouldn't understand and if she saw me in pain it might distress her which would distress me and make matters worse.

If I were guaranteed an uneventful birth that went exactly to my birth plan then I might consider it, but who is ever guaranteed that?

 

[bitethebullet]

I have a nearly 3 year old and I definitely wouldn't have her in the delivery room. You can't predict what might happen and it could potentially be quite scary for her and you will feel inhibited by her being there (you don't want to have to worry about the sounds you make and the facial expressions either!). I took my little girl to the 20 week scan but she even found that a little bit scary.