Husband's some kind of Master!

Discussion in 'Waiting To Try' started by cazd, Oct 3, 2008.

  1. cazd

    cazd Guest

    Husband wants to wait a year... but its a Test - to see if I'm committed enough!

    He must think he's some kind of ninja master - making me work for the reward of having a baby.

    I've told him how patronising that is. To be honest I'm gobsmacked.

    I'm 30, we have a house, a dog, 2 cats, 4 vehicles and we run our own business. We've been together for 6 years - we're set up, we're stable.

    On top of this I'm comforting my aunt through her second round of chemotherapy and if anything I've come to realise that LIFE IS TOO SHORT!

    We've always talked about how we'd raise our kids, parenting techniques, schools etc but now we're at a place where I don't want to put it off anymore.. he wants to wait 'till Jan 2010 to be sure its not just a whim. So that I won't spend the rest of our lives regretting the decision!

    I know its a huge decision and that life will never be the same again.
    I know it'll be hard work and that from then on your world revolves around your child - it has to. But when its your child - surely that's all you care about anyway!?

    I don't want to leave it any longer. From now on - each year - the risks of birth defects increase at an alarming rate.

    This test of his could put our baby at unnecessary risk.
    OK - so I'm going to say that - I'd probably say anything if it made me pregnant!

    Its hard to see where he's coming from.
    We've talked about it - he's even told our friends that we'll be trying for a family in a few years...

    I just wanted to vent a bit and share it with you ladies.
    I'm hoping some of you will know where I'm coming from and how I'm feeling?
     
  2. Norris

    Norris Well-Known Member

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    I totally understand.:hug:

    My h wants us to wait as he thinks we are not ready. I am ready, so ready.....yes our lives would change but its the next step - its what I want but he thinks we are not ready and as a couple we don't do anything unless we both totally agree.

    So like you I am waiting......

    I am also 30

    Chat anytime xxx
     
  3. Mrs Doddy

    Mrs Doddy 1 pink 1 blue

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    I know how you are feeling - H wants to race his motorbike again next year so have had to wait this year and we can start in feb. I felt v broody and found it hard waiting when I knew there is really nothing holding us back but I have accepted it now and think that it gives us time to save money and make sure the house is sorted. Time has flown by and next month I can start taking the folic acid and start preparing - am exicited but nervous at the same time as I know things are going to change so much
     
  4. louisaL

    louisaL Trying for number 1

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    i hear what you girls are saying cause i think given the choice DH would wait but i have made it quite clear i am not prepared to so his going with the flow.

    i know it seems selfish but i really believe that if he wasnt up for 'just a quiet life' he would put his foot down and say NOT YET

    good luck with your journeys but remember its not just what he says goes!
     
  5. MissPolley

    MissPolley Mum of one

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    yh i know what you mean, i may only be 19 but one of my friends died when he was 16, that was just a wakeup call to me saying dont leave it too late to live your life.
     
  6. cazd

    cazd Guest

    Thanks guys - Its just so hard - being broody isn't a choice.
    It was like a bolt out of the blue - one day I'm thinking about shoes and whether I should go to pilates or not, and the next the only thing I can think about is starting a family.
    I suppose its difficult for my man to understand - for me to get all broody out of nowhere. I wonder if most of this is him trying to give himself the time to get used to it.

    Mrs Doddy - you're ready for a baby but its still a bit daunting.
    I'm so far away from trying that I guess I haven't had much chance to think about the reality of it all.
    I've dropped this on my man and no wonder he's taking time to adjust to the idea.

    Are you guys feeling the broodiness as badly as I am?
    I'd like to think that there are other ladies out there with a new one-track-baby-mind!

    And Norris - sounds like we're in just the same position!
    Is age worrying you? What does your man say?

    Anyone out there have the magic words to make my man broody?!
     
  7. MissPolley

    MissPolley Mum of one

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    omg im like constantly broody, every time i see a little babe i cant resist grinning like a cheshire cat and cooing at him/her
     
  8. charliemeg

    charliemeg Waiting

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    Hey

    I can totally understand what you are going through. Men think they are cleaver but they are soooooo not. I have been with my fella nearly 10 years and married 6, I am soooo broody its unreal but H wants to wait. I dont know what he is waiting for, he says he is not ready, I dont want to bring a child into the world if it is unwanted (there are far to many of them) but he said it wouldnt be unwanted because he does want one but he is not ready.

    I can also see that life is too short as this year my uncle passed away and about a month ago my best friend died. I want to live life while I have the chance. Again we are stable. Is it a man thing? We have talked about how we would raise our children in great detail so why not put it into practice?

    I personally think he wants to wait till our friends start having children and I know this sounds really selfish but I dont. I want our child to be the new exciting thing to happen and everyone to be excited about it not all of us getting pregnant at the same time. Its really sad but nothing I have said will change his mind. I know have to wait another year to have a child and more than likely it will be another year after that.

    I too own and run my own business and I want to extend it but dont want to start extending it and then putting myself under lots of pressure to build it up and get pregnant when I can do it now before I move house and then everything will be perfect timing for the extension of the business.

    GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR MEN
     
  9. Mrs Doddy

    Mrs Doddy 1 pink 1 blue

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    I was a bit like this as he wouldn't give me a timescale so I got him to agree to a date Feb 14th 09 :happydance: so I have got something to look towards - which now I am looking to start taking folic acid and have bought a book to read so when the time comes we are ready - I don't want to go for it if he isn't ready because it could all go wrong
     
  10. Mrs Doddy

    Mrs Doddy 1 pink 1 blue

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    No magic words but imo you both have to want this - I told H that I am going to start on the folic acid and have bought a book and he was a bit suprised how quickly time has come round !!!! but there were no objections

    Yes I am still really broody but I am a planner so while waiting I am planning colours of rooms, savings to be sorted and planning what to do on mat leave !!!!!!!!!! (mad I know)
     
  11. MissPolley

    MissPolley Mum of one

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    Just stick at it, my friends OH kept saying he wasnt ready for a baby, but then little miricle came along:wohoo: and he just dove straight into it, i guess sometimes its a fear of the unknown,

    Perhaps if any of your friends have children you could offer to babysit, as a kind of test for the OH and i suppose a test for you too, to see if you can both work together to take care of the child.
     
  12. Norris

    Norris Well-Known Member

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    Cazd:

    And Norris - sounds like we're in just the same position!
    Is age worrying you? What does your man say?

    It does sound like we are the same.

    Yes being 30 does worry me as I would like 2 and as times goes on it will get more difficult.....

    My H says 18months to 2 years - I am hoping for the 18 months mark or sooner.....I would like to start TTC in july next year.

    Broody - you don't know the half of it - can like you be thinking about shoes or what to have for dinner - then it hits me again....so glad I found this site its great to have folk to talk to.

    xxx
     
  13. cazd

    cazd Guest

    BREAKTHROUGH !!!!
    Husband has agreed to start trying in December next year !
    He's hoping that in that time he can get used to the idea of having a baby.

    Norris - I'm the same - I want 2 children (as an only child I'm a selfish madam and I don't want that for my babies) I've been reading through this forum and it sounds like mums want to wait about a year to get back in shape before having their second child...

    so....

    Pre-pregnancy preparation Sept 09 (no alchohol, excercise and good diet)
    Start to try Dec 09 (Spend a year trying 'cos I've only got one ovary!)
    Dec 10 conceive
    Sept 11 have baby
    Sept 12 try again (6 months trying this time - just to be optimistic)
    Mar 13 have 2nd baby - AGED 35

    DAMMIT - the dreaded 35!

    I would never have believed this biological clock could tick so loudly!

    Miss Polley - I'm 100% sure that my man will take to being a Dad like a duck to water - just like your man. (well I really hope so)
    He'll be a fab dad - but he's just not ready for it yet.

    CharlieMeg - Its so frustrating isn't it?
    I didn't want it to happen like this...
    I wanted our first born baby to be a product of love, a stable home - and an exciting time!
    Instead is turned into nagging and cajoling (if that's how you spell it!) and pressure.
    But I'm so broody that I can't help myself.
    I can't stop talking about our children - and how it might be....

    Is this normal?!

    How are you guys handling it?

    I guess now I've got a date - and he's promised me its not carrot dangling to shut me up! - I can sort the house out and plan a healthy pre-conception lifestyle etc.
    But its sooooooo long away. 11 months and I can prepare to try......
     
  14. Mrs Doddy

    Mrs Doddy 1 pink 1 blue

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    Yay Cazd thats fab - thats what you need something to look towards - its quite a way to start saving too !!!!! my H is coming round - I try not to talk about it too much then I notice him saying things about a baby and it makes me smile !!!
     
  15. Norris

    Norris Well-Known Member

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    that's fab! Good Luck!:hug:

    I've had a bit of a breakthrough this weekend as well....."when we have a baby it will be ace" Also we were out for dinner and the ballet last night and he said "let's try and do this more for the next year" So fingers crossed for me as well.

    xxxxxx
     

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