Hypnobirthing (and DH)

[Eliza_V]

Wanting to have a homebirth, but that's a whole different story.. Either way, I am tempted by hypnobirthing as if I get stuck in a manky hospital, I'm hoping it will help me to cope better. (opinions and experiences?)

Anyway, I mentioned it to my DH, and his first reaction was "is it expensive?" What a lovely reaction. He'll happily pay out for a stupidly expensive mobile phone, gadgets for the house, and goodness knows what else.. But hypnobirthing classes set alarm bells off in his head for some reason. Maybe it's because he seems to think it wont benefit *him*.. Believe me, if I'm comfortable (since I'm the one pushing the kid out) it WILL benefit him as I won't be screaming/throwing things at him and telling him to get his act together.

Also, will it be too "cringeworthy" for the DH, almost so he wont take it seriously? Do you think that's maybe what he's worried about too?

(This post makes it seem like I'm saying that he's a horrible, uncaring and not open to new ideas.. That's not the case at all, hence why I'm a bit shocked!)

 

[Mervs Mum]

My Hubby wasnt sure when I mentioned the word hypnobirthing. I think he had visions of us on this course sat on the floor drinking herbal tea and talking about itvbeing 'two out man'....he also wasn't up for a homebirth at that point but hypnobirthing would see that change in him too!

Our teacher was 'normal'....the course made total sense and he came away from the first session and said he felt more prepared from that session alone than from anything we'd done with my previous pregnancy. He was a convert. So much so he recently spoke to a couple who came to my house to interview me to be their doula. Her husband was under about spending £200 on the classes and thought it wouldn't be for him. I then got a true appreciation of how much my OH had valued what we learned.

If you are unsure then I wholeheartedly recommend reading the book and if you can get him to read it too he'll see that hypnobirthing is really just an American title for a very effective deep relaxation technique and a true understanding of how the body andmind work in labour. An important element in effective hypnobirthing is your birth partner/s understanding how to help you achieve it.

x

 

[Mervs Mum]

Oh and by the way, your description of his reaction doesnt make him siu d horrible at all......it makes him sound like a bloke!

 

[Eliza_V]

Thank you very much for your reply I didn't want to sound like I was over-reacting or my husband was being a horrible person, I'm glad I didn't come off either way lol.

I will invest in the book methinks, it seems like a good idea to start looking into it early!

Another worry of mine is that I would want peace and quiet, and my DH just doesn't shut up.. He's currently blabbing on about some security for his laptop or a client for his work or something.. When he can see I'm busy lol. The amount of times I've begged for him to zip it when I'm trying to sleep/work/read/concentrate is probably in the thousands, if not millions lol! I worry that if I just want him 'there' while I'm relaxing/breathing, he will want to talk or babble incessantly, yet I don't want him to just walk off and play Xbox or sit there playing on his phone as he's "bored".. I want him to be into this as much as I am and respect what I want..

Wow I do moan a lot don't I!

But seriously, thank you so much. Other than my little rant above, I do feel more confident and will look into getting the book xx

 

[Greta Chick]

Hi

I've been doing the natal hypnotherapy cds. Hubby hasn't listened to any of them and hasn't taken an interest in them at all, he's just left me to it. This is just because he's got his head on other things and has done for the whole of this pregnancy. He's trying to get the house ready for us before baby arrives (building of a double extension, plastering/electrics/plumbing/decorating it etc) so I've accepted that it's something I'll be doing myself while he strokes my hand (this is one thing I've told him he can do for me as I know he wouldn't feel comfortable saying phrases to me in front of anyone or breathing with me).

As long as hubby is there and stroking my hand when I need him to that's fine with me

xx

 

[Eliza_V]

Yeah I think he'll be the same in regards to saying any phrases, and I'm worried I may even get embarrased too!

Thanks x

 

[Mervs Mum]

You wont particularly need him to say phrases but he will need to know the principles. Being quiet (I mean birth attendants now not necessarily you!) during labour is actually really important regardless if you are hypnobirthing or not. Women need to not 'think' during labour. They need to be allowed to go into themselves and thinking/talking etc interrupt this process and that interrupts the hormonal flow. It's the basic principle of hypnobirthing. So it's very much about the birth partner 'protecting' your birth space - making sure MWs arent 'bothering' you and that they direct questions at them so you can get on with relaxing and letting your body do what it's designed to do. If you've ever had a pregnant cat or dog they dont want pestering in labour and birth. They want to go and find a quiet safe place and get on with their business. If you go look at them or say 'are you ok Kitty??!!' the adrenalin stops their labour and they move away and try again! So while he doesnt need to feel he's got to be reciting scripts to you, he needs to be 'on board' in the sense that he understands the principles of what you are trying to achieve.....so he needs to know when to quit his jibber jabber!!

x

 

[Mervs Mum]

Oh and completely off topic but your wedding anniversary is my birthday!!

 

[Jenniflower]

My DH had the same reaction as Merv's Mum. I mentioned hypnobirthing and he asked me "When did you turn into a hippie?" It upset me at first but then I realized he's just used to me coming up with off the wall ideas that he didn't take me seriously. When I brought it up again and told him about the classes he started to listen to me a bit more.

At first he didn't want to be apart of the classes, he thought he'd be the only guy there and somehow start to grow a vagina. Then we found this awesome woman who does private hypnobirthing classes for near the same price as the group classes and after the first hour he was a changed person. He's now more confident that I can do it than I am sometimes! When I start talking about being afraid of the pain he reminds me they'll be sensations. And when I started getting overwhelmed by life in general he'll start the whole "light touch" thing and try to calm me down.

If you have a husband who is supportive of you but not so much the process I would highly suggest the classes. My DH tends to listen more intently to others than to what I have to tell him. He loved reading the book and he really appreciated being able to ask our practioner questions that he wasn't comfortable talking to me about at first.

Also another thing about the course was having to discuss our fears. A lot of my fears were actually that my DH wouldn't be able to give me what I needed on the day. He tends to always freak out if things aren't done perfectly and if I ask him to do something but then change my mind he goes berserk because he can't handle changing things in midmovement. I expressed all my fear outwardly to him and he really took them well. Then we did a hypnotherapy session about our fears and we're like a whole new couple.

It was the best thing ever for me!

 

[Eliza_V]

I feel so much better about it now, thanks xx

 

[chuck]

Vixie, Greta

you could be talking about my hubby...I'll be kinda doing this alone but he'll be there iykwim?!

 

[Eliza_V]

Yeah! Lol. Men eh?

 

[Greta Chick]

chuck I think my hubby having worked in the motor trade for the last 14 out of 15 years that we've been together haven't helped, everything is kind of "men are different, they don't care about what they look like, fashion etc." And "there's nothing I can do, I'll never go through it so I'll never know what it's like. You know what to do so I'll just be there."

I've come to realise over the years that it's not because he doesn't care, it's just because of his family background (men don't get involved in anything "women related") and the environment he works in and the fact he's so busy trying to get the house sorted for us. He's a practical person, not someone who really believes in mind over matter iykwim.

xx

 

[Mervs Mum]

Men like to 'fix' things and 'do' things that are practical when sometimes - in particular in birth - it's ok for them to just 'be'. They find that quite difficult in my experience.

 

[Eliza_V]

I could always try and get him involved (if I'm allwoed the water birth at home) and ask the midwife he can catch the baby or something? That way he's "done" something!

 

[Mervs Mum]

Absolutely! I think it's lovely when daddies catch their babies seems like a lovely way to complete the cycle. He gave your baby to you when they were conceived and when you give birth you give the gift of the child to him. To catch them too just seems si perfect. Who wouldnt want the first person to make physical contact you their child to be either their mother or father.