i actually cried with laughter!!!!LOL

Discussion in 'Just For Fun' started by saraendepity, Dec 15, 2009.

  1. saraendepity

    saraendepity Daisy's Mummy and TTC!

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    ok so a joke MIL sent to us.......................Long but worth it!!!

    | ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS |
    | |
    | Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!! |
    | |
    | Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his|
    | lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this: |
    | |
    | Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that spared my|
    | interest. |
    | |
    | The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little |
    | something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a |
    | 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were |
    | supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your |
    | assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....?? |
    | |
    | WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. |
    | I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. |
    | |
    | Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the |
    | button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get |
    | the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. |
    | |
    | AWESOME!!! |
    | |
    | Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on |
    | the face of her microwave. |
    | |
    | Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it |
    | couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right? |
    | |
    | There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting |
    | little soul)while I was reading the directions and thinking that I |
    | really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. |
    | |
    | I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) |
    | and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if |
    | I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a |
    | mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I |
    | wrong? |
    | |
    | So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading |
    | glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one |
    | hand, and tazer in another. |
    | |
    | The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient |
    | your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms |
    | and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would |
    | purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of |
    | water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the |
    | batteries. |
    | |
    | All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, |
    | less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy |
    | AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible |
    | way!' |
    | |
    | What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best ... |
    | |
    | I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one |
    | side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second |
    | burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I |
    | decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched |
    | the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and ... |
    | |
    | HOLY MOTHER OF.. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE ....!!! |
    | |
    | I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in |
    | the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and |
    | over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, |
    | with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles |
    | nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest |
    | position, and tingling in my legs! |
    | |
    | The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a|
    | picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to |
    | avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. |
    | |
    | Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note|
    | of caution: there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap |
    | yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from |
    | your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst|
    | would be considered conservative! |
    | |
    | A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at |
    | that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and |
    | surveyed the landscape. |
    | |
    | My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner|
    | was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally |
    | was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My |
    | face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip |
    | weighed 88 lbs.. I had no control over the drooling. |
    | |
    | Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure,|
    | and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, |
    | which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my testicles and|
    | I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return! |
    | |
    | P.s... My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift |
    | and now regularly threatens me with it! |
    | |
    | If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!

    sorry about all the l thingies - its off the Email and i'm too fat and Lazy to take them out!!!!

    sara

    xxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  2. scrummy mummy

    scrummy mummy Baby number 3 on board x

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    hee hee that sounds like a fun device :rofl::rofl::rofl:
     
  3. princess_bump

    princess_bump Happy Wife & Mumma!

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  4. mossip

    mossip Well-Known Member

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    That is hilarious. Im gonna copy it and email on :rofl::rofl::rofl: xxx
     
  5. Eskimobabys

    Eskimobabys Mama to TWO!

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: OMG! me and my DH were cracking up in tears! HILARIOUS!!!!!! i need Tazer!
     
  6. saraendepity

    saraendepity Daisy's Mummy and TTC!

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    when i first started reading i thought yeah yeah whatever but as i was reading it alout for OH i was screaming and crying wth laughter!!!!:D:haha:
     
  7. sineady

    sineady S,L,J,PS

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    lmao!!! that made me laugh! thanks for sharing
     
  8. DizzyMoo

    DizzyMoo Guest

    OMG thats hilarious,Laughed so much i nearly pissed me knickers lol im forwarding it via email ! lol thanks for the giggles very much needed !
     
  9. dizzyspells

    dizzyspells Mia & Finnlays Mummy.xxx

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  10. TaylorPage

    TaylorPage Guest

    HAHAHAHA

    Great story
     
  11. princessellie

    princessellie Pregnant with #3

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    hahahaha bloody idiot!!!

    x
     
  12. BabyL0Ve

    BabyL0Ve Guest

    hahahahah
     
  13. dakron67

    dakron67 Well-Known Member

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    i was bored and decicedto scroll through other forums, decided to click on this, thought that was really funny...
     
  14. Jadelm

    Jadelm Well-Known Member

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    That's SO funny. And extra funny because I just KNOW my OH would try it if I gave him one to look at. I'm tempted... xxx
     
  15. maaybe2010

    maaybe2010 ICSI: DR - December <3

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    I ACTUALLY lol'd too :haha:
    That's so funny!!

    x x x
     
  16. maaybe2010

    maaybe2010 ICSI: DR - December <3

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    Hey I'm the last person to comment :thumbup:

    I came back for seconds just for the giggles :haha:

    xx
     
  17. Lianne1986

    Lianne1986 Well-Known Member

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    haha tht is so funny lmao
     
  18. AvaRose

    AvaRose mummy to 2 & pregnant

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    :rofl: haha, thanks for sharing :)
     
  19. xx~Lor~xx

    xx~Lor~xx Young mummy of 3 <3

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    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: this totally sounds like something OH would do :rofl:

    xoxox
     
  20. celestek89

    celestek89 Well-Known Member

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    i actually cried reading this!! funniest thing i've read in a long time, thanks for sharing!!
     

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