I am so sorry i am asking- anyone dealing with gender disappointment

[Wishing4long]

I just came back from the ultrasound and I am having a baby girl!! This is my first child so I know I should not even think of being picky and please do not get me wrong I am so happy she is good and healthy but at the same time I am experiencing major depression....i wanted a boy so BAD!!! I am so afraid of raising a girl (I was a tough one growing up) and I just feel that I would be a better mom to a boy.

I am still in shock...I utterly convinced myself and hubby that it was a boy.... anyone else out there experiencing something like this?

 

[laila 44]

You should check out the gender dissapointment group. You'll find alot of support there xx

 

[October2013]

Yep, sounds exactly like me. My gut feeling was telling me 'girl' the whole time, but it wasn't until the ultrasound confirmation a couple weeks ago that it really sunk in how much I wanted a boy... My bf was also really hoping for a boy, so we were both disappointed. I also felt I'd rather raise a boy than a girl, because I was never a very girly girl and I don't want my daughter to be a tomboy like I was. I mean, she could be whatever she wants, but looking back on my childhood I wish my mom would have tried to make me girlier. Instead she let me wear boy's clothes and cut my hair to my ears.
I'm still not very girly... When I shop for things either for myself or for my baby, I always question if what I'm buying is "girly enough".

So no, you're most definitely not alone. Please don't be too hard on yourself about wanting what you're not having. I promise you'll get over it in time. I'm still not entirely excited about having a girl, and unfortunately I'm secretly hoping at my next ultrasound they'll somehow tell me it IS a boy... But of course we are happy that she's healthy, that's obviously the most important thing. Regardless, I'm sure our girls will be beautiful and we will love them more than we could ever imagine.

Ps. There was a thread on the second tri forum titled something like "gender envy" and there were many posts from women feeling similar to the way we do (actually I think most of them wanted girls but were getting boys!) so I would suggest looking it up, because it's really helpful to find others who share these feelings.

 

[Glitter_berry]

It gets better Hun.

This pregnancy REALLY wanted another girl. And I just had a feeling I wasn't going to get her. I found out at 16 weeks I was having a boy. Now that my 20 week scan is coming up I'm worrying that they were wrong and its a girl because I already love my little man so much. Xoxox

Have a look in the gender disappointment section. Lots of support there. Xoxox.

But girls are fab too.
My girl I can pain her nails or do her hair. It we can go outside and make mud pies and ride her 4 wheeler.

 

[lornapj83]

Aww I have 5 boys and have got a gender scan on Wednesday and praying for a lil lady this time and think ill be disappointed I know it's sounds selfish but unless people have been in this position they don't actually understand of course I'm happy my baby is healthy just hope it's the gender I'd like xx

 

[Wilsey]

I wanted a girl first but just knew that I was having a boy. I still had that 1% hope that maybe I would go to the scan and it would turn out to be a girl, but it wasn't meant to be. I wouldn't change him for the world and love having a boy so much I ended up picturing our little family being comprised of two boys. I'm team pink this time, but wasn't disappointed. I think I really would have been happy with either.

But I think it is perfectly natural for feel that way. Especially if you thought you were having a boy and were used to the idea.

 

[_jellybean_]

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. There's a great gender disappointment forum here, but you have to ask for access.

 

[lovecats]

I had my scan on wednesday and found out i'm having a boy.I have two boys already and feel my dream of having a little girl has been crushed!The last few days have been real tough,this is our last baby so I think the whole reality that i'll never have a daughter has hit hard but I know there will come a time when i've had this baby that i'll fall in love all over again!
Try not to be too hard on yourself,so many women and even men get disappointed with gender but always try to see the positive things,I found myself filling my head with negative thoughts when there are infact positives with every gender,you just have to open your eyes and see!I really truly hope you manage to come to terms with the idea of a girl,you'll get there,I'm sure you'll be a great mum to whichever gender!

 

[embeth]

I had my scan on wednesday and found out i'm having a boy.I have two boys already and feel my dream of having a little girl has been crushed!The last few days have been real tough,this is our last baby so I think the whole reality that i'll never have a daughter has hit hard but I know there will come a time when i've had this baby that i'll fall in love all over again!
Try not to be too hard on yourself,so many women and even men get disappointed with gender but always try to see the positive things,I found myself filling my head with negative thoughts when there are infact positives with every gender,you just have to open your eyes and see!I really truly hope you manage to come to terms with the idea of a girl,you'll get there,I'm sure you'll be a great mum to whichever gender!

I am exactly the same as this. Two boys and found out at 16 weeks number 3 is on his way! At first I was gutted as this is our last and would have really loved a daughter. BUT I can honestly say now that I am so excited for my third boy and think if he popped out a she i would feel like I'd almost lost something! Just love the idea now of my three little boys. It's v normal to feel like this and as much as a healthy baby is what's most important to be disappointed when you wanted something is human. You will get used to the idea and love your little girl to bits!! Xx

 

[Emma&Freya]

Ive got a little girl and hun dont be afraid of bringing a little girl up you will make a fab parent!! Dont ever doubt yourself.


I never found out with my Freya what sex she was and my OH was hoping it was a boy and secretly I wanted a girl because my family is full of them. He was made up he had a little princess but has made it known he wants a little boy which is fine by me.

With this one we wasnt going to find out but we did, and when they said it was another princess he couldnt contain his disappointment, he said he wasnt sad but I could see it. Again, I was happy it was a girl because selfishly of me, I had all the girls stuff so I didnt have to buy stuff.

Now, I want a boy just to make all his family happy aswell as my OH!

 

[Foxy37]

Aftrenoon lovely ladies .
My first child was born in the days when they didnt tell you the sex of the baby .
When i was expecting her i thought it was a boy and when i had her i was shocked . I had a horrific birth and bonding was difficult . This is why when i was expecting my last 2 children i had private scans and found out the sex .
My eldest is now 21 and we have the most amazing relashionship . This time we will find out and my oh wants a boy but i really dont mind . Girls will be with you for ever and you share everything with them , boys love you to the end of the earth and are less hormonal but a little lazier . What im trying to say is what ever sex we are given we should embrace even if its boy number 9 or girl number 3 and think of all the wonderfull things about it . This is why im completaly for people finding out the sex of the child before so it gives time too prepare and not have that awfull feeling after birth xxx

 

[Proserpina]

With my first, I really wanted a boy. When I went to my anomaly scan u/s at 20 weeks and they told me she was a girl, it was hard to contain my disappointment. I told myself for the rest of the pregnancy that these scans aren't always right, comforting myself with bizarre stories of babies where the tech was "100%" sure of one sex or the other only to have the baby come out the opposite sex. But sure enough, I delivered a girl.

What I got was an adventurous and wild-hearted little girl who loves to play w/ both My Little Ponies and swords, and I wouldn't trade her for anything, even with her disabilities (which is another story). I actually removed her toy sword and toy bow from the table the other day and got to say to her (in Merida's-mom voice from Brave), "A lady does not leave her weapons on the table!" She gave me a coy, goofy grin.

This time, I have a very slight preference for a boy, but will easily be happy with a girl. I'll probably have about 3 kids and would love a 2nd daughter, so if this one isn't a girl, I want the next one to be. But I'd also really love to have a son.

 

[Jenine]

I have a 19 month old little girl, she means the whole world to me and I adore watching her copy things that she has seen me do - its so adorable. When I was pregnant with her though I thought that I wanted a boy initially, I thought that boys would be more loving and closer to their mummies and that girls were more independent and daddy's girls. But when I found out she was a girl I couldn't wait to rush out any buy little dresses etc. she is so loving with me and even though she is still so young we are like best buddies we play together and giggle at things together all the time she's the best!

This time my feelings are all over the place, so much so, I hardly think about 'the baby', I don't know if its because I don't know the sex yet so 'it' is just 'the baby' and I haven't yet begun to identify with it, or whether its because I don't know whether I want a boy or a girl (I know I don't have a choice lol).

On one hand I really want another girl because I have enjoyed DD so much and she is just wonderful, it would be nice for her to have a girly little playmate and I have all the girly clothes put away. But on the other hand it would be nice to have a son, one of each, still close in age and should play well most of the time too, I know this but can't help thinking, 'I don't want a boy' and I don't really know why?

Will find out in a couple of weeks anyway!?!??

 

[nullaby]

I would try and get access to the gender disappointment group

Just wanted to share, I wanted my 2nd to be another girl SOOOO bad! I hated picking out little blue outfits, I wanted 2 little girls with a beautiful pink or purple room. Well 2 years later, this little boy is simply amazing At first honestly I had a hard time changing his diaper, but after a few times, I realized its SOOO much easier than a girl! He is an amazing little boy, and I am glad he is boy

 

[Noo]

We were initially disappointed as I know I probably won't be having another baby as I really don't physically deal with pregnancy well. I'm very sick, I pass out, grow big babies and end up with awful recovery so we wanted a girl this time.... We're having another boy! Our scan was 3 weeks ago now - I'm over the disappointment and looking forward to meeting my little man - Though the choice for boys clothing is rubbish in comparison to all the dresses and tutus!

 

[EstelSeren]

I agree with the girls who have said to try to get access to the gender disappointment board!

I've been through this with my daughter and am going through it again this time as I've been told I'm having another girl! It's definitely harder this time around! I've never seen myself being a mum to girls and I still don't seem to find the girly clothing particularly cute whilst I could buy up he entirety of the boys section! Luckily my daughter is, and always has been, very independent and likes choosing her own clothes even at only 17 months! I have good days and bad days dealing with it and I think it's made harder by the fact that if we have any more children it won't be for a while and it's definitely an 'if' we have more rather than a 'when' as it depends on our situation changing over the next few years. I'm just very secure in the fact that I know that I'll love my 2nd daughter just as much as my first and it'll be amazing watching my girls grow up close in age and have a relationship that I never had the opportunity to experience (I only have a younger brother).

OP- My advice would be to try to think of all the amazing things that you can share with a daughter that you wouldn't be able to with a son and concentrate on all the positive things. It hurts at first but chances are when she's here you wouldn't want to change her for the world and you'll love her so much you won't really remember why you wanted something different! Just make sure that if it doesn't work out like that that you admit it and get the necessary help and support asap so that the situation can be improved. Midwives, health visitors and doctors will have seen it all before and shouldn't judge you for it. You can't help how you feel!

Beca :wave:

 

[Mumma2011]

Sorry to hijack the post how do you get in the gender disappointment group? X

 

[_jellybean_]

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/

Click on "Gender Disappointment," and ask for permission. If not, then you can PM a moderator.

 

[Mumma2011]

I can't see how to ask for permission. I sent the administrator a message but still nothing

 

[maybebaby3]

Sorry you're feeling this way. You should post in the gender disappointment forum. Everyone's very supportive there