I am sooo confused and miserable... Should i leave him!?

Discussion in 'Single Parents' started by CINNAMONSPICE, Jun 1, 2011.

  1. CINNAMONSPICE

    CINNAMONSPICE New Member

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    I AM CURRENTLY 20 WEEKS PREGNANT AND I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH MY BOYFRIEND FOR FOUR YEARS, BUT WE HAVE BEEN "OFFICIALLY" TOGETHER FOR A YEAR AND 2 MONTHS. WHEN WE FIRST MET 4 YEARS AGO I JUST KNEW HE WAS "THE ONE", BUT NOW I CANNOT STAND HIM BECAUSE HE IS UNLOYAL TO ME, HE IS UNEMPLOYED BUT SITS ON HIS BUTT ALL DAY AT HOME WATCHING TELEVISION AND PLAYING POKER ON HIS "I-PAD", I PAY ALL THE BILLS AND EVEN THOUGH HE IS HERE AT HOME ALL DAY HE THINKS IT'S A "WOMAN'S JOB TO KEEP THE HOUSE CLEAN AND COOK", HE DOES NOT CLAIM THAT HE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP AND HAS NO PICTURES OF US TOGETHER ON HIS FACEBOOK PAGE, HE HAS NOT TOLD ANYONE IN HIS FAMILY THAT I AM PREGNANT, HE REFUSES TO COME TO OUR CO-ED BABY SHOWER (WHICH IS ONLY GOING TO MAKE MY FAMILY HATE HIM MORE THAN THEY ALREADY DO), HE IS VERY INSENSITIVE TOWARDS THE PREGNANCY; FOR EXAMPLE, HE IS ALWAYS SAYING "DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING SICK BECAUSE I TOLD YOU WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE BUT YOU DIDN'T LISTEN" (HE WANTED ME TO MAKE THE CHOICE TO NOT HAVE IT, BUT I REFUSED). HE ALSO KEEPS SAYING "I DON'T WANT ANYMORE KIDS... I DIDN'T WANT TO BE 40 YEARS OLD HAVING ANOTHER CHILD!" (I AM 29 YEARS OLD AND HE IS 40 YEARS OLD) AND BY THE WAY... I FOUND OUT AFTER I WAS PREGNANT THAT HE HAS 2 OTHER KIDS THAT HE'S NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT! (WHEN WE FIRST MET HE TOLD ME HE ONLY HAD ONE SON) SO I AM GOING TO BE THE FOURTH MOTHER OF ONE OF HIS CHILDREN... I AM VERY UPSET ABOUT THAT!:cry::cry: I FEEL VERY LONELY, SAD AND USED. I FEEL STUPID FOR BEING FAITHFULLY INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE FOR SO LONG AND JUST NOW REALIZING I HAVE NO IDEA WHO HE IS.... OR NOW THAT I AM PREGNANT, I AM NO LONGER BLIND AND I SEE HIM FOR WHAT HE TRULY IS... AN ARROGANT, COLD-HEARTED SNAKE! BUT YET I LOVE HIM SOOOOOO MUCH, BUT I AM NOT HAPPY AT ALL AND I HAVE TRIED TO TALK TO HIM SEVERAL TIMES ABOUT HOW I FEEL BUT HE ALWAYS BLAMES EVERYTHING ON ME FOR CHOOSING TO KEEP THE BABY. I AM SCARED AND FEEL ASHAMED... I ALREADY HAVE A SEVEN YEAR OLD SON AND THE FATHER IS ABSENT, AND I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE IN A SITUATION TO RAISE ANOTHER CHILD AS A SINGLE PARENT AGAIN... I AM SO SCARED TO BE ALONE AND I AM SCARED OF WHAT ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE GOING TO SAY... IV'E BEEN CRYING AND PRAYING SO HARD FOR A SOLUTION TO THIS.. I WISH HE WOULD CHANGE SO WE COULD BE A HAPPY FAMILY! WE HAVE BEEN DISCUSSING MARRIAGE FOR THE LONGEST TIME, AND HE'S TAKEN ME TO THE JEWELER'S AS WELL, BUT IT HAS BEEN FOUR YEARS, AND AT THIS POINT I BELIEVE HE IS JUST PLAYING GAMES WITH MY HEART.. STRINGING ME ALONG. COULD SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE ON WHAT I SHOULD DO OR HOW I SHOULD COPE WITH THIS SITUATION? :cry::cry:
     
  2. TiredNurse27

    TiredNurse27 expecting number 2 (lol)

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    THATS REALLY HARD TO READ IN ALL CAPS AND NO PARAGRAPHS....

    ...but he sounds like a right dickhead, theres a reason some people are single at 40 with children they don't see, it should be a giant red flag for you!
     
  3. Kacie

    Kacie I have a little girl! xx

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    I know you say you love him but I really think you love an idea of who you want him to be. He is never going to be that person. I was with my ex for 8 years.. he was 20 years older than me and had two children he never saw. He never wanted more children so when I fell pregnant he resented it and backed away from me completely.. had a huge affair (tbh he was having them throughout the relationship i just wouldn't face up to it) and treated me worse and worse through the pregnancy until I got scared of him. It was only after my daughter was born that I realised that she deserved so much better than how he was treating us and it was my responsibility to take her out of that environment and keep her safe. So I did. The relief I felt the second I walked away was amazing..

    Once I left he actually became a much better father to our daughter. It gave him a huge kick up his bum and he realised what he lost.

    Anyway.. point being.. you know you are unhappy... you KNOW that he wont change and you know that you and your children deserve better. Be strong.. and don't worry what anyone else thinks and says.. if you're doing right by you and your children then that is all that matters.

    xxx
     
  4. Gemmax

    Gemmax Member

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    TBH hun he sounds like a right prat. If i was in your position i would leave him and go and start a new life without him.

    xx
     
  5. purpledahlia

    purpledahlia Mummy

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    I would leave him. he sounds like a prat!

    Might also get more replies in the ''relationships'' section as this is actually 'single parents' section.
     
  6. myfirstone

    myfirstone Member

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    he really sound like a prat !!!!!!
     
  7. CINNAMONSPICE

    CINNAMONSPICE New Member

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    thank you for your response.. yes i totally agree about it being a huuuuuuge red flag. weve been involved for four years and i had no idea all this time until AFTER I became pregnant, then he told me. If I would have known before getting pregnant or even while we were dating i would have left him a long time ago because i cannot respect a man that abandons his children. this worries me even more because i know if i leave him he is going to abandon our child too.
     
  8. CINNAMONSPICE

    CINNAMONSPICE New Member

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    THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH! :flower: i really appreciate you sharing your story with me, it really helps me put this situation even more into perspective. and you are definitely right... I really think i am in-love with who i thought he was or who i hope he will be, but i am realizing he will never be able to give me or our children what we deserve and I know he will never change unless he wants to do it for himself. I believe everything will be fine and i will be happy and confident again once i leave him, but i guess "leaving' is the hard part because i am so use to him. overall thank very much for being open with me and not judging me as well.
     
  9. Kacie

    Kacie I have a little girl! xx

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    I hope it helps and things work out. Definitely leaving is very hard and the uncertainty of the future can be worrying but I just felt so free and a whole world of possibilities opened up to me once I left. I realised I still had time to study and be anything I wanted. It is hard and maybe lonely to begin with.. lean on your friends and family (and BnB.. it helped me soo much!) PM me if you want to talk.

    I hope everything is ok for you

    xxxx
     
  10. Kayles1/8/08

    Kayles1/8/08 Well-Known Member

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    aww hun my heart goes out to you TOTALLY :cry: i am in a sort of similair situation..?
    i have an almost 3 year old daughter to a past partner and preg with my 2nd to my present partner ..(this will be his 1st child) he told me he would support my desician and be there..had me beleiving we were going to be a family then 2 days later took everything away from me and demanded an abortion ive never felt so hurt at something in my life i felt like my whole future had been shattered in space of 2 days! he then an hour later said he think it is what he wants..then the next day went on a lads holiday for 5 days (which hes still on) ive barely heard from him had one phone called 3 or 4 texts and not once asked how i am? i only found out i was pregnant on monday! he called once he had arrived at hotel and was VERY drunk saying he loves me so much and wants to spend rest of his life with me..then i asked if he was ok..he said no? im terrified he is going to suggest the abortion again after promising he would stick to the desician of being there for me and never mention abortion again :( i personally amnt for abortioons although in some peoples situations thats whats right for them..im totally preparing myself for being a single mum to two kids but i just feel that my chance of having a family is gone now if he leaves me? its such a tough situation hun and i feel for you so much as i am in the same situ and feel like should i do him a favour and just leave him first? but i really do not want to be a single parent to 2 kids!! but if it happens tht way then it happens! we will manage xxx:hugs:
     
  11. Marlarky

    Marlarky Mommy&Expecting!!!!!!!!!!

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    Yes, i agree that is a huge red flag, but my relationship had many red flags and I was too blind to see them even though everyone else could. LOVE IS BLIND. I finally saw it all and left and things are much better now for me, my son, and my future child.
     
  12. mememe84

    mememe84 Well-Known Member

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    I would get out of this relationship i was with FOB on and off for 11 years i've felt for a while that things were not right but chose to ignore them then last monday i found text messages to his ex about how they are going to be together forever and how much he loves her. Get out b4 you get anymore heartache x
     
  13. vermeil

    vermeil Mom to 27 week wonder+DD

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    not sure what a prat is but yeah! he sounds absolutely awful and manipulative! Leave his sorry [email protected]@. You owe it to your baby. You'll feel better afterwards. And make sure he supports him/her financially. :hugs:
     

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