I am such a failure!

Discussion in 'Baby Club' started by iwantabub, Oct 10, 2013.

  1. iwantabub

    iwantabub Well-Known Member

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    Lo is 4.5 months and I feel like such a bad mother!

    He is a terrible sleeper, has been since 3 months. Won't go any more than 2 hours at a time!
    And will not nap more than 20 mins in the day unless in the car so it's so hard for me to try and get a toy time going.
    He is so terrible at night and wants to eat every 2 hours still. Supply isn't an issue as I've always had way too much.

    But what reli ripped me over the edge was a friend of our posted a vid of their baby girl who was premi and is only 3 months rolling today.
    Lo hasn't rolled yet... He gets half way.

    He's great with head support and almost sits on his own. If u just hold his hands he will push up from sitting to standing almost on his own. And stand while holding your hands for ages.
    But still no roll :(

    Am I doing something wrong?

    How can I get into a routine with a car napper? I'm so lost ATM and feel like a real failure :(
     
  2. Sarah125

    Sarah125 Well-Known Member

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    Aww don't be so hard on yourself. You sound like an amazing mum :flower:
    Babies are individuals and are all different!

    I honestly think babies will sleep how long they want to sleep! I did the exact same with Sophie last night as the night before. Tonight she slept 6 hours straight (which is very rare might I add) and the night before she was up about every 2 hours. I suppose make sure you have a wind-down time before bed but even then babies do what they want! :haha:

    That's great your LO can nearly sit on his own! He sounds really strong :D I wouldn't worry about him not rolling. I have no idea 'when they should' roll but my friend's baby was over 6 months when he first rolled and now at 10 months he is walking and is a perfectly healthy and happy little boy. All babies get there at different paces. I guess just plenty of floor time and he will roll when he's ready :D

    Anyway I'm sure someone else will reply with advice regarding a routine for a cat napped as my LO is younger and is a cat napper too :haha: I just wanted to reassure you that you are a great mum and definitely not a failure. It looks like you have a happy contented boy from the photos and that is the main thing :D
     
  3. shanny

    shanny mother of 4 and an angel

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    you are no failure it is just hard!

    do you have a bedtime routine as this always helped me to establish a good sleep pattern at night

    where is baby sleeping? sometimes they will sleep better in their own room

    how long does lo do during day is that also 2 hrs??

    its hard not to compare babies but it wont help you and all babies are different........and children too

    did you read the what can your child do? thread on here written by a preschool teacher so true and many of these philosophies apply to babies too..............

    its easy to say but enjoy what baby does do

    i also found the EASY routine worked well for my last 2 babies (google it)

    you are doing great..........xxxx
     
  4. iwantabub

    iwantabub Well-Known Member

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    Thanks ladies.

    Lo will only nap for 20 minutes during the day :(
    Night time routine doesn't seem to work much.
    We tried his own room and that was worse :(
     
  5. youngy

    youngy Well-Known Member

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    Just to let you know you aren't alone, my son does not roll, I am lucky to get a few 30 min naps a day and he is often up every 90 mins at night. He has a nighttime routine but since about 3 1/2 months has been like this. Massive hugs but you are not a failure! I tell myself my son needs me to help him through what must be a tough time for him too, it kinda helps me stay sane x
     
  6. Indi84

    Indi84 Well-Known Member

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    They can have a sleep regression at 4 months, my lo was a nightmare, all day was battling overtired and trying to get him to nap. Allllll day! It'll pass, my mum says anything good goes bad, anything bad can go good, and then it all swaps again! She is so right, i've had times where he naps like an angel, and weeks where i'm at my wits end.

    With regards to rolling, all babies do it in their own time, no rush!
     
  7. catty

    catty Well-Known Member

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    You are not a failure!! Lucas is 3 months and was almost sleeping through the night, but usually needed a few ozs around 4am, then he outgre his moses basket and now everything has changed! Last night he woke 6 times but only really wanted fed once the rest was just moaning.
    I think aswell when uv had a good sleeper for it to change makes it worse as you know what getting a good nights sleep feels like. Its most likely a stage hes going through which will hopefully settle back to normal soon. As for rolling I wouldnt be concerned, I seen someone put a thread on here saying there newborn rolled and I got all panicked wondering why lucas hadnt rolled then I remembered - it really doeant matter what other babies are doing, I find it impressive your baby can stand if held and can almost sit! I bet her baby cant do that!!
     
  8. Dani_Ldn

    Dani_Ldn Well-Known Member

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    Please don't be down on yourself! You always seem so positive & confident in all of your posts & I know your kind words have helped me before when I was feeling down about one thing or another, so let me try & reciprocate!

    You are def not a bad Mum, all babies are different & there are probably so many things your lo did before your friend's lo, don't feel bad about her 3 mont old rolling before your little boy. Flynn is a couple of weeks older than yours & he isnt rolling yet (he is trying & almost has it, but not quite there yet).

    It also sounds like he might be in wonder week 19, from what I have read, Flynn is in this too atm. His night sleep has gone from fab to absolutely rubbish, he woke 8 times after putting him to bed last night, I was up pretty much every hour! At this age their little brains are moving & growing so quickly, they are trying to learn to roll, teething, growing & learning that the world around them is a big place! All of this disrupts sleep so much!

    Flynn is also a cat napper, generally 3 sleeps consisting of 30mins each. Does your lo seem grumpy or exhausted because of it? If not I wouldn't worry, it is probably all he needs.

    He sounds like he is doing great, don't focus on the not rolling at the moment (although it sounds like he is almost there!), he is standing strong in your lap (my lo doesn't do this yet) & can almost sit too, that is amazing for a 4 month old!

    Hang in there, it will get better for us all! :hugs:
     
  9. Eleanor ace

    Eleanor ace Well-Known Member

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    You are not a failure! DD is the same, she's almost 6 months and wakes ever hour at night (and for the last 6 nights she's only gone 20 minutes between waking up "starving"). DS was up hourly until 9 months and then 2 hourly until 1, when we switched to cows milk and he suddenly slept for 6 hours in a row! DD naps twice a day for 30 minutes max, less if she's not on me. Some children just don't like to sleep!
    With rolling, as with anything, they all do it in their own time. My DS was very mobile from a very young age, but is behind with his speech. They have so much to learn and they can't do it all at once. So right now your DS is using his energy practising standing and sitting, rather than rolling. And that's perfectly OK!

    With regards to the sleep- I'm in no position to advise you on what you can do to help your LO sleep/nap longer- all that worked for us is giving it time. But it will get better!
     
  10. chicky160

    chicky160 Mummy to Ronnie and bump❤

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    Oh Hun please don't be hard on yourself, you must be so so tired but that does not make you a failure! If you were really a bad mother you wouldn't be spending all day and night tending to you lo's every need!

    As far as routine goes my lo is in and out frequently. The only thing I keep consistent is his last bottle I give to him in a darkened room so he is aware of night/day. I still don't think he is but it makes me feel better lol. I must admit (it's taken weeks) but I think it's helping. But he just isn't keen on sleep and hasn't been since birth.

    As for the rolling over thing my doesn't either!! Doesn't even attempt it! He's nowhere near going from sitting to standing, he will sit wobbly if I hold his hands and will stand if I hold him round his waist but I thought that was normal at this age?

    I actually saw a pic this morning on Facebook of a baby much younger than my lo basically doing a press up! I won't lie, it pissed me off :haha: mine still just head butts the floor haha. But they all develop so differently.

    You're doing a fantastic job just by being there for him and being his mummy. He loves you no matter what. :hugs:
     
  11. Bunanie

    Bunanie Well-Known Member

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    Aww hunny, don't worry... My dd was absolutely terrible with sleep around that time, I have stalked numerous threads and posted a few moany ones as well :haha:

    It's the dreaded sleep regression, if ur lo is like my dd, I bet he will roll really really soon. Her sleep hit rock bottom the week she started rolling properly, and same goes sitting and crawling :dohh: she gets extra hungry at night around milestones I guess she was stocking up the energy? Who knows :wacko:

    Just a thought, can u feed him more regularly during the day so hoping he can go longer between feeds at night? That's what I'm doing with dd and her sleep got better, but could be age related too :shrug:

    Just hang in there, it will pass!! You are doing great mama :flower:

    Ps, with rolling, heaps of babies don't roll till 6 months, there's nothing wrong with that.
     
  12. minties

    minties Complete

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    ...or even 9 months! Sophie didn't roll until that ripe old age. Thomas rolled at 3 months so I was very puzzled as to why she took so long.

    Now she's standing unaided and gearing up for those first steps.

    Your baby is 100% normal and even sounds advanced to me!
     
  13. iwantabub

    iwantabub Well-Known Member

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    Oh thank you so much ladies ... I really needed all your kind reassurance.
    It's 11pm and lo went to bed after much much of a struggle at 8.30 and is already up. And fighting going back to sleep again.
    He's just laid down hopefully he nods off.
    I am just so tired I don't feel tired anymore I just know I'm tired.
    He's usually so happy through the day and then in the evenings gets grumpy coz of the lack of naps.

    Again thanks so much I will just persevere and hop it gets better.
    I'm going to try and be stricter with my own routine and hope that helps.

    Aaaaa I'm just so used to everything in my life being able to be under control and this is totally the opposite!

    I just want some sleep haha
     
  14. iwantabub

    iwantabub Well-Known Member

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    Oh thank you so much that made me feel so much better.
    :)
     
  15. Joss_Taylor

    Joss_Taylor Well-Known Member

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    I know it's horrible but the only way LO will nap during the day is if I'm holding him. Everyone says I need to put him down when he sleeps but I think the little naps he does take are the only thing keeping me sane. :haha:
    He's been doing better sleeping at night but I don't give him his last bottle until 11p and then lay him down at midnight. That will usually give me about 5 hours sleep.
    And as for rolling, they say it's usually belly to back first. LO did back to belly starting at six weeks and WOULDN'T roll the other way. I was getting really worried but then I decided he just didn't want to. Maybe your LO likes being on his back, we wouldn't roll over if we were comfortable in a position. That's the way i look at it, it makes me feel better at least lol. My little guy does the same thing, he pulls himself up if we're holding his hands.
    Our LOs are about the same age, and you sound as stressed out as I did last week. He wouldn't stop crying so I started crying and called my mom and told her the baby hated me. We were both just horribly overtired. I've been told it does get better. :hugs:
     
  16. Dani_Ldn

    Dani_Ldn Well-Known Member

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    Rewind to 6:30 this morning & this was me, was in bed in tears after the 5th time up with Flynn since midnight, with hubby trying to make me feel better! Last week he was sleeping great, so I can only hope that next week will be good again for me & all of us!!
     
  17. jd83

    jd83 Mom to 2 beautiful boys!

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    you're not a failure! Motherhood is just HARD! No one really tells you how hard it will be, especially the lack of sleep. Or they do, and you just don't fully believe it until it happens to you.

    As far as the rolling over thing, please stop trying to compare, that's just something they all do in their own time. For example, DS1 was rolling right around 14-15 weeks I think, DS2 didn't roll until 6 1/2 months. Quite a difference. They are just different babies, both did things COMPLETELY different, and at different ages. DS1 crawled at 6 months, DS2 didn't crawl until 9 months. DS1 walked at 9 months, DS2 didn't walk til 12 months. Its kind of impossible not to compare babies when others are telling you what their's are doing, but try not to! As long as your HV or pediatrician is telling you your baby is healthy and doing what is age appropriate, then you are doing just what you should be!

    As far as sleep, your baby is likely going through the 4 month regression. Which sucks. No advice really there, other than that it does eventually get better for most. You can still keep encouraging self settling using gentle methods in which you are present, such as PUPD, shh pat. etc. I am a big fan of routines, although I know a lot of moms just do baby led. I have always done routines with both kids, as its just more a part of what suits my personality to know when I am going to do xzy in my day with the kids. Obviously I adjust when needed, like if they get hungry earlier, etc, but its still some semblance of a routine. I think my kids love routines too, lol.
     
  18. twobecome3

    twobecome3 One and one on the way

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    Lo was a catnapper at that age, ive seen tonnes of posts of the same im sure its just an age/developmental thing

    :hugs:

    somewhere around 5-6 months she started doing longer stretches of 1-2 hours xx


    also my Lo is a boob-monster still at 7months is on about every two hours in the day x
     
  19. lanaross

    lanaross Mom to Bella and Greyson

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    when i first brought my daughter home, she rolled over a week later, I even have a video of it. From tummy to back. She kept doing it until she actually gained weight and it really became more work :) It doesn't take a lot of brain power/muscle power to roll over when very little but it does take a lot of effort when they get bigger and start doing it on purpose. Don't worry and PLEASE don't compare. Some babies will be ahead at something and behind at other things etc. Just relax and go with the flow :)
    Re: naps. I used sleep sense and tons of other approaches to figure out what works for us as a family and more importantly for my daughter when it came to "sleep training". It took a little time (about a week) but in the end we got a happy little girl (and happy parents!)
     
  20. bitethebullet

    bitethebullet Well-Known Member

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    Honestly do not think you are a failure!! babies are all completely different so don't compare your little one to any other. And babies change- my baby was an excellent sleeper initially but has been terrible at sleeping since 6 months....and I have changed NOTHING! Won't sleep at night unless I feed her to sleep, barely naps during the day and will only sleep on the move in her pram. In contrast, I have a friend whose baby barely slept at all to begin with and now sleeps much better than my LO.
     

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