I can't believe i feel like this.

[Julia35]

Glad you're starting to feel better about it. I found once I started buying my little guy things I got more excited. I won't lie I still get the cranks when walking past the girl section and seeing patents with little girls. I hurts, probably always will but there's nothing I can do about it so I'm just really trying to focus on a new bub to love. We still haven't settled on names which is starting to annoy me, I just want him to have a name already. Hubby isn't helpful at all, he hasn't bonded with this pregnancy and really distanced himself from it really. He keeps saying ill think of something later, I don't want to choose a name yet blah blah. I've decided if he can't come up with anything I love them his name will be Boston, our other two boys think its a great name so I think that's what we will call him

We are considering Boston for our little guy too.

 

[lovelylaura]

I'm having a hard couple of days. I even cried in public on my own because their was this beautiful little boy, he was just what i imagined. We keep going back and forward on names which isn't helping me really. I just want a boy i'm so scared that'll i'll never be done having children unless i get a boy. We really shouldn't have any more and even if we did have just one more it would always seem more so that this one wasn't what i wanted, and i don't want her to feel unwanted. I'm still hoping they were wrong and that at birth we get a little shock.

 

[lovelylaura]

Bad day.My sister had her baby today,she didnt know what she was having. Well she had a girl. Now she has one of each. It's brought back all of my bad feelings. I feel like a terrible person. I was getting to the point of being excited for my girl but now its been totaly stipped away. I'm in a very dark place at the moment. I do not want this baby. Lots of stupid things are going through my head. I need to write it down to hopefully clear my head. Please don't hate me or think im horrible im not , i love my girls sooo much but i just dont want this one, its too hard for me.I dont want to resent it but i know i will deep down. I just want to scream. why is everything so unfair. I have no one to talk to about this. It's starting to comsume me again the last few days its all i have been thinking about and i know it isnt my sisters fault obviously but its such bad timing. I'm not sure i'll be able to bring myself to go and see her. It's like our roles are reversed. She didnt come and see poppy for 6 weeks because she struggled to get preg with her first and it killed me that she didnt want to see my baby. How can i do that to her. sorry its so jumbled i just needed to get it out.

 

[Unexpected212]

I'm sorry you are feeling so low. I had gender dissapointment with my son, of course as soon as he was born I wouldn't have swapped him for the world but every time someone had a girl or announced they were having one I felt so jealous.

I think with severe gender dissapointment such as feelings of not wanting the baby there is no harm in seeking counselling or speaking to a doctor or someone about how you are feeling. Could just be gender dissapointment or it could be the start of pre or post natal depression. There is nothing 'wrong' with how you are feeling. It's all very normal. But there is no harm in seeking out someone to speak to who might have dealt with similar previously like a counsellor.

*hugs* I know how you feel I really do, but just remember it's not necessarily the 'gender' that matters it is that person and their personality. I mean you get plenty of tom boyish girls etc

 

[Misscalais]

Aww
I think the fact that they aren't here and we haven't got to know then yet that makes it harder to feel better about. I've had a few moments too, everyone else that is pregnant on my Facebook is having girls! It's like rubbing salt into an open wound! But I love my boy and just need him here so I can bond. When are you due? I've got 6 weeks to go.
My sister has one of each too, ( two different dads and she's not with either of them ) makes me feel ripped off. I love my sister to death and shouldn't be jealous of her but I am.
Anyway just want to send you some big hugs and I know you'll just love her when she comes.
Also I've figured out why my Hubby won't settle on a name, he told me he's holding into hope he'll come out a girl. So I put two and two together and I think once he sees that willy for real he will settle on a name there and then.

 

[lovelylaura]

I'm still holding onto hope that this is a boy, my pregnancy is completely different to my girls in every way. Silly i know but i duno it's hard to totally let go. I keep thinking about booking a scan just to double check. I think if once she's here i still feel crap i'll see the doctor but i'm clinging to hope that once she's here it'll be better. My other sister had boy girl boy girl. Totally sucks. I had to see my middle sister and my mum today they didnt bring up the new baby i think they know just to leave it for a bit. I'm feeling ok today, we've been busy so not focusing to much on it. Just under 14 weeks to go and then all of this will be over.

 

[lovelylaura]

Just thought I should come back and update. I will be honest and say that it was a very long pregnancy and I clung onto the hope that that got it wrong until the very end. Of course it wasn't and we now have baby Emily. I'm still finding it a little difficult but I only have to look at my older girls to know how wonderful she will become. I'm finding the constant question from strangers of 'are you going to have more then?' When they find out I have 3 girls very difficult and always reply no but I wish I had a better response really. I still get teary eyes when I think too much about it. Last night my husband told me how he really struggled too but didn't want to upset me more so didn't say anything incase it made it worse for me. I'm not really sure why I've come back but I felt I should, just so that everyone else going through this knows they are not alone. I don't have much connection with her at the moment but once that comes hopefully I'll be able to be over this whole journey.

 

[emily3399]

Just wanted to let you all know im feeling much more positive now. The hospital wasn't too awful, they didn't need my bloods after all so it was a wasted journey but it wasn't as bad as i thought and actually with that being the last time (hopefully) i need to be there It will erase yesterdays. I had a few moments with some tears but im getting there. We went to my MIL's and i love her she is the most positive person ever. She didn't really mention it which is totally out of character but she did stop me the door and tell me it was lovely news gave me a hug and kiss and that was it. No more said. I think she felt my upset and didn't want to push me.
On the way home i saw a family with their son and a little girl in a pushchair. I have to admit i felt angry, angry that some people seem to have what i want so badly. And it just seems to be everywhere.
We did pop to sainsburrys and i mooched around the clothing hoping to pick out soemthing for her. Anything really just so i could look at it and think ok this is for MY baby, she will be a little person. But as i was looking at the babygrows, all little pink ones with cute little things on them i could see some dinosaur ones. I want those. I wanted to buy those not pink one's. I didn't buy any. It would always been a reminder of those, the one's i will never get to buy.
Having the day distracting myself has helped alot. My husband has been amazing. He hasn't told me im wrong not once. He held my hand in the car while i was sobbing. He understands. He will never get a boy either.
We have settled on a name so i'm hoping it will help feel attached to her. Eden Blaire R....... Eden we like and i found out its a name which came from edith which is my grandmothers name. Also its paradise, even though we are not religious it just feels a soothing meaning to me. Blair is my maiden name but i think its more feminine with a E.

Hope your all well, I think i'll keep updating this just for people to see and relate to even if they don't comment. It's very soothing for me and i hope i come the full circle into loving and embracing her.

oh my days I am actually crying reading this knowing EXACTLY how you feel and I haven't even had my gender scan yet.... I have people who have one of each and more tell me its ok aslong as its healthy one of these being my sister in particular and im like wtf do you know you have a son and 2 daughters how do you know how I am feeling ..... I genuinely cant express how much I totally understand how you feel for every pink baby grow theres something cuter in blue etc... Ive booked my gender scan for 27th august but instead of being excited im actually crapping myself im so anxious and scared to the point where I don't want to go don't want to find out but I know it would eat me alive not knowing x

 

[emily3399]

Glad you're starting to feel better about it. I found once I started buying my little guy things I got more excited. I won't lie I still get the cranks when walking past the girl section and seeing patents with little girls. I hurts, probably always will but there's nothing I can do about it so I'm just really trying to focus on a new bub to love. We still haven't settled on names which is starting to annoy me, I just want him to have a name already. Hubby isn't helpful at all, he hasn't bonded with this pregnancy and really distanced himself from it really. He keeps saying ill think of something later, I don't want to choose a name yet blah blah. I've decided if he can't come up with anything I love them his name will be Boston, our other two boys think its a great name so I think that's what we will call him

this is also one of my fears that OH wont bond with the pregnancy either if its a girl hes told me I can get everything for it if its a girl and I can choose the name so im having to fight my disappointment so hard and trying to convince myself that I wont be sad if its a girl and so feel alone because he doesn't want a girl and I don't want a girl but its not our choice and we will just have to deal with it .... I know in time we will adjust its just like others have said the pain is not for what we have but for what we wont have and that's what hurts the most