Hey girls. It's one in the morning and the reality of what happened yesterday and the end of my dream has just hit me. Hovis' skull has not developed and s/he will not survive outside the womb. Drs have booked me in for D&C today. There are few major defects that can be picked up at 12 weeks but Deb and I have somehow managed to find two of them within a few days. I'll be put on a high dose of Folic Acid for 3 months to build up my reserves before trying again as it's a neural tube defect. Sounds like I don't absorb it too well (have been on prenatals for a year now). Speaking of a year, Xmas will mark 1 year since we began TTC and the reality of starting again from scatch, having taken 9 months to conceive and then getting this far with what seemed like a perfect pregnancy (no vomiting, no bleeding...) is almost too much to bear. Obviously my intuition was telling me something as I've been super paranoid throughout, and I should have listened to my subconcious. I hate being in hospital - was planning the most amazing home-hypno-waterbirth - and don't deal well with GA, so have warned them to pump me full of anti-nausea drugs before they bring me round. I can't believe this is happening to us when I was just starting to relax and enjoy my pregnancy Hubby is an emotional wreck - he's usually fairly accepting of death, but this is just too close and too much. But this is our first major test as a couple and we're talking through it, so it's all going to be OK. On the plus side, Medway have been so good squeezing us in at the top of the list this morning, so the physical healing can at least begin. We know we can get pregnant. And the risk of this happening next time is no greater. If you've made it this far, well done I think I just needed to write down what's going round and round in my head. Just feel a bit lost now.