I can't go on

[Artemis]

I have purposelyavoided visting this website as I begn to think it was a bad omen but I need to talk to someone. I can't go on anymore. Everyone around me is pregnant and its all baby, baby, baby and it looks like I am never going to be able to have one. I don't think we'll be eligible for adoption and can't afford IVF so its end of the road and I'm only 27. My life has no purpose and I don't know if i can carry on...

 

[rachelle1975]

firstly think about all the good things you have in your life, your family and your friends. If you made a list of all the good versus the bad I bet the good list would be plentiful.

When I feel down & like I'm never going to get there I focus on what I have, I think of my wonderful husband & the fact I married him because of him, not his baby making properties. It's these things that put it all in perspective.

Have you seen a fertility specialist? What have they diagnosed?

You will find so much support on this board & it's definitely not the end of the line, you have girls spanning all fertility concerns who do get pregnant as well as those who have a tougher journey. Have you spoken to your doctor about some counselling?

 

[Vee_Bee]

Artemis, don't give up! Tell us what has happened so far and what the doctors have told you.

I agree with what Rachelle has said - we are with our husbands/boyfriends because we love them, not because they could give us children. There are so many options available and the NHS can provide so much of it (although you do have to have a high level of patience!!). You are still young enough to have time to try everything and you should never give up... you don't know what is around the corner.

Sending you hugs and hoping you feel happier soon... We are all here on this site to advise and support each other - coming on BnB is the beginning, not the end!!

Vee
xxxxx

 

[Artemis]

I mucked my life up thats what happened. Been with now husband for nearly 9 years. We got things wrong many years ago when we were young and now been told OH only has 2% normal sperm. Been TTC 2 years this month. We thought I was pregnant and did test this morning - BFN. Its never going to happen, I've ruined my life and god is making me pay. I don't deserve to be here anymore

 

[Vee_Bee]

Don't look back to the past and beat yourself up about it as you can't change it now. Look forward to the future and start thinking about what you can do to change it for the better. Your DH can change his diet and lifestyle to improve his sperm - remember you only need one swimmer to fertilise an egg!

What tests and results have you had? What have the doctors said can be done to help you?

Don't give up - hopefully talking about it with people on here will help you feel better, but if you feel seriously depressed (and it sounds like you do), PLEASE speak to your doctor about it as it will only make things worse.

xxx

 

[rachelle1975]

If all the girls in this forum knew they'd have issues conceiving, i'm sure 99% would do things a little differently.

Dwelling on the past doesn't make the future better, it just makes us sad & bitter. Thinking of the lessons we have learnt & the future that awaits us is so much more productive.

If you don't fit the criteria for free IVF, I'm sure you would fit the criteria for egg share at most private clinics. You are young enough to be considered & with MF issues only you'd probably be a good candidate.

Look at your future & what you can do to change things. In the meantime you really need speak to a professional to help with your depression x

 

[ilovecheese]

I feel exactly the way you do but no NHS to help me out.

 

[Clussy]

If you have your heart set on starting a family together, you can find a way. We were broke (broke, broke, broke) and realized IVF was our last shot at having a child (short of adoption which is more expensive in some cases but that's actually still not ruled out) and our family pulled together to lend us some money (to put on top of the $$ that we had saved up for the last few months) and we're now giving it a go. I can certainly relate to the frustration and heartached involved in finding yourself in this position w/infertility but there are ways around it and there's no stopping you if you're motivated. I think it'd be very understandable if you felt that you needed to take a break from trying because it is so very consuming of your energies and emotions. Talk w/your husband and look into finding a counselor as well to talk through the depression involved in facing infertility. You're not alone in this heartache but also, please try not to put all this weight and blame on yourself.

Wish you much comfort, love and peace in whichever path you move forward.

 

[FBbaby]

You are far from over and have many good factors going your way, the most important one being your age which if you listen to any FS will tell you is the best factor to reach conception.

Is your OH count and motility ok and it is just morphology that is a problem? How many SA has he done. My OH first SA resulted in 4% morphology and 18M count, 3 months later, count had gone up to 29m and 6% morphology. WHO are now saying that it is possible to fall pg with 4% morphology and indeed, I did once (m/c a month later) a year ago, first month ttc.

I am one of those that snigger what I hear the whole 'relax and it will happen', but I do believe that stressing and negative pma can only make things even more difficult. I understand that you must be feeling so down because you had a ray of hope this cycle and that was all taken away with a bfn, it's horrible isn't it.

Don't give up dreaming and believing and certainly don't think that you are being punished for anything. My OH has absolutely nothing to be punished for, he has never done anything in his life that could put a doubt on his ability to be a fantastic father, yet this is currently being denied to him. It is just life, but I refuse to give up. I only have a couple of years left (will be 40 in Nov), and even though each cycle seem perfectly similar and each time I can't imagine getting a bfp at the end, I do strongly believe that one day it will happen.

 

[R&G2007]

I am 27 too and used to think exactly the same thing,we have been trying since 2007, slowly each day gets better, My hubby helped a lot we talk about it together and then we started doing things like going out and just spending quality time together.

Is there no way you can go to the doctors and talk to them about getting some help.

Always here if you want a chat

Gem

 

[lola13]

Artemis,

I don't know if your reference to the past is just waiting to try, or if you feel you did something bad & this is your punishment. If it's the second, I want to share this with you...

I hope you'll accept the truth that God doesn't make you pay for past sins. In fact he said your past indiscretions are as far as the east is from the west! If you've asked for forgiveness, he doesn't even remember what you've done, so why should you!!?

Forgiving yourself is difficult, but rest assured & trust that God will forgive you fully and unconditionally. Please don't beat yourself up. We all make mistakes - that's our humanness. Instead of dwelling on what you've done, dwell on God's grace. He doesn't punish - He forgives & forgets with absolutely no strings attached.

 

[Starbright]

Thinking of you xx

 

[Aphrodite]

I feel bad for you Artemis Have you explored all your options? Please dont feel life isnt worth living it so is! We had IVF and I thought my life would be complete once I was pregnant. Not so! We still have family problems, bills to pay and now all the worries that go along with how are we going to afford/manage to bring another person into our family. I know its hard to think that way if you are so desperate for a baby but def focus on whats positive in your life first. Me and DH already had a game plan on what would happen if the IVF failed and we'd accepted it. Its so hard though for women like us who dont get pregnant like most others. x x x

 

[fluffosaur]

Out of curiosity - why do you think you wouldn't be eligible for adoption? There are very few people in the World who would not make it through the adoption process eventually. If you've got a good solid relationship with your husband then there is no reason why you can't adopt. You don't need to be a moneybags or anything like that !!

I'm 26 & I'm kind of feeling the same (well, not at the end of my tether) as I've just been given 2 more years in which to conceive before everything fuses together.

Good luck, keep hoping & trying. There are many different ways to parent, it doesn't have to be naturally. xx

 

[Gracy 004]

i am feeling like this too. i really am. i just did my first round of ivf and it has been so emotional and every time i think back to all the hope of being told we had perferct fertilisation and perfect embryos and then i was pregnant and my hormone levels are fantastic etc... then to go to scan and nothing but a blighted ovum which i now have to wait to miscarry while i have serious morning sickness. I just cant get any lower and cant imagine ever feeling any good ever again. i cant even focus on another cycle because it will be at least 4 months before my body returns to normal once this passes i have been told. The pain is unbearable and ranting away on here doesnt really help but i dont know what else to do. I think miscarriage is awful at the best of times but after ivf it has to be so much worse because you cant just have sex and have another go. If i had my time again i would never have started trying for a family. I was perfectly happy with my life before this and now it feels like a big empty hole with no point to it. anyway enough said.

 

[CurlySue]

There are very, very, very few people who are 'ineligible' for adoption. People with convictions for violent crimes and crimes involving children are amongst those that cannot, or those with uncontrollable mental illness.

It's certainly not 'the end of the road' just because your husband has sperm issues. There is ICSI, which can work if a bloke has only ONE normal sperm in the whole of his ejaculate. They only need the one sperm.

If you and your husband don't have children you're eligible for IVF as well. It's just a case of waiting out the waiting list, which is what everyone has to do. Obviously, that depends on where you are but I did read some of your previous posts and it says that you will be able to do IVF if you wait the two years.

At the end of the day, if you really, really want a child then 'giving up' is not an option. Especially when you DO have options. 'End of the road' is when there is truly nothing left and that's just not the case. I came very, very close when I lost my IVF twins last year. I'd been off the pill since December 05 and had FINALLY got pregnant through fertility treatment that made me feel like an emotional wreck. My hopes were up. For three weeks I was 'pregnant'. Then for a further three weeks I had to carry around two dead babies because my hospital were such utter heartless barstewards that they kept sending me away. That felt like rock bottom to me but then my mind cleared and I realised that it wasn't 'the end' until there truly was nothing left to try.

Sorry you feel so low. It does suck. But, you are 27. You still have options. Don't throw in the towel until you don't.