I didn't even want to know.

[RMOR12]

I hate myself. I don't even deserve a child for feeling this way :'( I already have a beautiful 18 month old son and I'm 21 weeks pregnant with my second child. I didnt want to find out the sex at my 20 week scan but my OH really really wanted to know so the lady doing the scan told him but I didn't know. My OH was great and didnt give anything away. I put my scan on facebook and everyone knows I am not finding out but they had guesses anyway and EVERYONE said its 100% a girl. It had been 3 days and it just felt wierder and wierder that my OH knew and I didn't! So in the car today we were pestering each other about it and I suppose I convinced myself I might as well know. I knew in my heart I didn't want to but my OH looked so excited to tell me. He said our son is having a baby brother! I immediately felt sick and I hate hate hate myself but I felt disappointed. I feel like if he had told me it was a girl I would have been so excited! And not disappointed the surprise is ruined but finding out its another boy I feel like its a double low blow, yet if I had of found out its a boy when I gave birth I would have been just so happy. Does that make sense? And now I can't rewind it. Everyone thinks I don't know but I bloody do and everyone thinks I'm having a girl but I now KNOW that I'm having a boy. I wanted a little girl to braid her hair and teach her to dance and just stupid little things. My number one priority is that my baby is healthy so why the hell do I feel like this? I'm disgusted in myself :'(

 

[Eleanor ace]

I'm sorry hun . It is normal to feel disapointed and sad when you don't get your dream gender, and the dissapointment of not getting your suprise must be making it feel worse. Could you perhaps have a bonding scan, to get to know your new LO now that you know he's a boy?

 

[RMOR12]

Thank you xxx I have a growth scan at 34 weeks so I'm going to try and embrace it and look forward to seeing him then. Just hope this feeling goes soon. It's almost unbearable loving my baby so much yet feeling so disappointed. Thank you for your understanding words xx

 

[george83]

I can sort of relate to how you feel. I knew if I found out what we were having with our second and it was a boy I would have been so disappointed for the rest of the pregnancy, but if we waited I knew the disappointment wouldn't have been the same. As it happened when we did have our second boy I felt sad for the first few seconds until i got to hold him but then that was it. I'm sure when it comes to it you'll feel differently. You've lost the dream of having your little girl and that can take time to get used to

 

[motherofboys]

I can kind of understand how you might be feeling. I have 4 boys and was too excited to not know with my 1st and was happy with a boy. With each of the others I wanted a surprise but convinced myself I needed to know incase I had a girl. Last time I was glad I knew so I had time to process it all as it was my first experience of gender desire. But we are having 1 more baby so I've decided that I will be having a 'surprise' although it will obviously be a boy. I just want that moment of "its a boy" at birth. Just to say I've experienced it. But I did kind of wish that I hadn't found out with number 2 or 3 as I didn't need to worry about rebuying some of the very boyish things.

 

[Misscalais]

The reason I found out this time is i knew if it wasnt a girl I'd be disappointed, and I was right its baby boy #3 and I cried in the bathroom in the middle of the scan.
I'm now 34 weeks and have gotten used to the fact bubba is a boy and I've started bonding with him and I'm so excited to give birth to him. For me I knew I'd be more disappointed at birth if hubby announced another boy after spending a whole pregnancy thinking I'd get lucky and have a girl.
So I think it's a good thing you know, I find it really helps knowing.
I'm not disappointed in my boy just that ill never have a daughter, that makes me sad.
Big you'll love your little boy no matter what, dealing with it is hard but once they are placed in your arms it doesn't matter any more.