Over the years myself and OH had a definitive number of children we'd like! It fluctuated! After our first (now 7 years old) he said that our son was enough for him! My broodiness however had other ideas, we suffered a shock MC in January 2014 and it destroyed my soul! After this he slowly came around to the idea of maybe one more? We began TTC in 2016, by 2017 I was pregnant with our daughter who was born 20 months ago now! Though the pregnancy was frought with problem after problem..obstetric cholestasis, cytomegalovirus, gallstones etc! And of course an elective c section at 38+3, I still yearn for maybe one more..like a last hurrah! I turned 30 in June this year and OH was 33 this year..I realise now that time will not be on my side for much longer and that scares me! I have broached the subject to gauge a reaction from OH, just one more I say? It's a flat out no :/ I lay awake at night...thoughts swilling around my head and I just cant seem to shake the thought! I dont want to live in the land of what if? And then come around to doing something about it and then realising I'm too old! I get it, our finances will be well and truly pushed and stretched to their limits..but God.. tiny baby though! Makes it worth it Just one more? Even if it is when Lilith starts school (2 years from now) I'd give anything for just one more! I feel like I'm trapped!