I dont know how to tell him..

[scarednsingle]

I just found out yesterday that I am 4-5 weeks pregnant. The father is my ex boyfriend. We were together for a year and a half but have been broken up for just under a year. We'd occasionally hang out and things would happen, but within the last month or so, it became more frequent. He just got back into college TODAY, just changed jobs, and we just got back on good terms last week after a falling out... But now this? I know I should tell him. It's his baby too and I dont want to make any decisions without him at least getting his opinion. But I have no idea how to start the conversation without him thinking I did it on purpose to try and get him back or "trap" him. Help?

 

[Xstwx]

First Congratulations! Now take a deep breath, I was in a very similar situation to you. You know you have to tell him, but you need to sit down and know what direction you want to go in! Have confidence in yourself, you are now a mother, you now talk for two people!
Just let him know you have to talk and if it makes you feel better go for somewhere public. Eg Lets meet at Starbucks when your done with work tomorrow I have something I need to run by you! Then just sit down and let him know I haven't been feeling good at all recently, the last thing I could think of was I may be pregnant, I took a test and I am 4-5 weeks. Let him take in the info, don't rush a reaction, he may be mad, walk away, hug you, or just sit there but remember if it is negative it's most likely because he wasn't expecting it, give him time to absorb.
After that he will have questions you will and you will work it out. If you need someone to talk to feel free to send me a message! Good luck xxxx

 

[Bookwrmgal]

First of all, congrats to you! Second of all, before you contact him I would get a good sense of how you feel about it and what part of the baby's and your life would you like him to have While yes, you need to have his input and he needs to know, ultimately it is your decision how you proceed with the pregnancy.

Then once you have a sense, I would call him. sooner than later of course. Meet on common ground and tell him. Give him time to let it sink in. Reassure him that this was an accident. That you understand it is a big shock and you know he needs time to let it sink in.

I was in a similar position. In my case, my boyfriend at the time broke up with me (via email!) the night I was going to tell him I was late, I wasn't happy, what are we going to do. I couldn't tell him I was pregnant afterwards because I didn't want to be that girl and was worried he would think I was trying to trap him. Well I wound up having a MC. I had to go to the ER a few weeks afterwards (pancreatitis - not related) and he brought me. He was so sweet and I was high as a kite on pain meds and I told him about the MC. He was sweet to me but then, after he had time to think about it, felt guilty for what he put me through and decided he couldn't be my friend after all because of the guilt. I wish so much that I told him when I suspected.

 

[scarednsingle]

Thank you for your advice.
I know it's ultimately my decision. But I don't want to do this alone. I know he'll need a minute or so. And thankfully I have a great support system. I plan on telling him tonight. My two brothers (his roommates) and my roommate are going to be present at the house just in case he completely loses it. But they've all made it clear that they will help me no matter my decision.

 

[shterr612]

Best wishes to you. Hugs! You are doing the right thing telling him! It's sounds like you have a great support system there to back you up!

 

[misscyn]

I was in a similar situation with dd. At the time i thought i'd be honest and told the father (who is now my husband) that i had no intention of getting an abortion, because it was true, i knew i couldn't terminate the pregnancy. Well he took it like i couldn't care less about him or his opinion which made him hurt and angry. We didn't talk at all during my first trimester. In hindsight i realize i should have been more diplomatic and at least have him believe that i would consider his opinion before making any decision. So my advice to you is too take it slow and give him time to digest the news, before telling him your final decision, whatever it is. Good luck.

 

[ssjad]

Good luck!!