I don't know what to do. Sorry as this doesn't really fit this forum, and it's long.

Discussion in 'Teen Pregnancy' started by Classic_Love, Aug 28, 2009.

  1. Classic_Love

    Classic_Love ♥ Waiting But Wanting ♥

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    Hello everyone, I haven't really written a post here before except in my introduction thread a long time ago. I really just don't know what to do right now and I was hoping I could get some advice from you girls.

    I'm sixteen years old, and I live in the Eastern US. I turn 17 in November. I've been going out with my boyfriend, Patrick (who's 17), for 5 months and my parents really liked him a lot. I was put on an antibiotic for my acne earlier on this week and I started having symptoms of a vaginal yeast infection. I told my mom about my symptoms and she had asked me if my boyfriend and I had "done anything". I've lied to my mom about littler things before and it's made her totally lose trust in me altogether, so this time I decided I was going to suck it up and tell her the truth. At first I was a bit hesitant because we were out in public and I didn't think it would be the proper place to tell her, but she asked me to tell her the truth and after some prodding I told her that my boyfriend and I have had oral, but not sex.

    The first words out of her mouth were, "You're not allowed to see Patrick anymore." She went on telling me that I needed to go to get tested for STDs and whatnot, because I could have gonorrhea or chlamydia or something (I really think it's just my antibiotics), that she put trust in me and it was for nothing, my dad never liked the idea of letting me go over to his house so much where they couldn't supervise me. She also said that she raised me to be a "pure Christian girl who saved herself for marriage." She told me that everything she ever said about God she believed.

    I thought that by being honest with her she would respect me and work something out. But seeing as she hasn't spoken a word to me since that other than "We'll talk later this weekend." I'm not sure what to do. She didn't take away my phone or computer privileges yet so I was able to call my boyfriend and tell him the situation. He and I made a promise to each other at the beginning of our relationship that "As long as we both love each other we'll be together." He told me last night that he would stick to that. I'm just not sure what to do and I can't stop crying. I don't want to lose him. He's willing to wait for me until I'm 18 and there's a chance I can sneak around to see him but I really don't want it to be like this. Do any of you have some advice??? I'm so sorry for such a long thread but I'd really appreciate having someone to talk to, seeing as I only can talk to my boyfriend about it for now.
     
  2. Love Bunny

    Love Bunny Guest

    Hi hun, can't really give you any advice on what it might be thats wrong but hope its nothing too serious!

    Some peoples parents are like that hun i'm afraid, your mum can't force you to be anything that you don't want to be (religion or whatever really!) so its wrong of her to condecend you like that. If you are living under her rules in her house I guess there isn't much you can do about it as parents will always use that against you! In my opinion at your age, as 16 is legal over here, you can do as you please, have sex with as many guys/girls as you want and do whatever with them as long as you are being careful, are happy with what you are doing and not hurting yourself or anyone else :) !

    Best thing to do is go to your doc ON YOUR OWN - don't let your mother butt in on your life and get yourself checked out and ask them about any side effects that you might get off these antibiotics. Hopefully your right it might just be the medication but its best to be on the safe side eh :) ? Also just to clarify with your mum get a copy of the results to show her good or bad when you get them just so you can show her that your being responsible.

    Other than that the best thing to do is tell her how you feel, if you dont wanna wait til your married to have sex, you don't have to babe!!! Its your choice! If you don't wanna live a devout christian lifestyle - again its your choice! As long as you are happy with the desisions in life you make then go for it hun cause no one ever got anywhere being someone they're not.

    Just tell her that you make your own life choices and your not a baby anymore. By not being understanding and supportive she isnt being a very good mother at all! She may not like your choices, but its wrong to make you feel bad about them.

    To some people, you'll never be perfect until you let them mould you to who they want you to be - the thing is you should never let them.

    You have your own life hun, you were right to be honest and bite the bullet! Some people will never be happy with the choices you make but like I said thats not your problem !

    Good luck hun! xxxx
     
  3. TattiesMum

    TattiesMum Well-Known Member

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    Antibiotics cause yeast infections all the time (my doctor always gives me thrush treatments every time he prescribes antibiotics!), so don't worry about that side of things at all :hugs:

    Ummm .... as a parent of teenagers I really wouldn't recommend telling your Mum that you aren't a baby anymore - that sort of sentence tends to make us parents leap in, all guns blazing LOL.

    I'm nowhere near as strict as your mum sounds, but I'm trying to think of what might work with me if I was very angry.... OK - try writing her a letter before the weekend (it's much easier to say everything you want in a letter because she can't interrupt) .... start with telling her how much she means to you and how grateful you are for her support and guidance. Tell her about your career ambitions, college and so on and how determined you are to achieve your goals. Then tell her that Patrick isn't going to stop you achieving what both you and she want for you, but that learning about relationships and socialising with friends and boyfriends is an important part of learning and growing up as well, and then go on from there.

    You might have to make some compromises when you do finally talk, but at the end of the day she can't keep you locked up at home, and she knows that ;) So you need to give her a way of compromising without her feeling that she has backed down and lost, and without you losing your temper .... if she shouts then just look down and try not to answer her back - she will run out of steam eventually LOL

    Hey - LoveBunny ... you're hoping for a home birth? I had Tattie at home (planned) and it was absolutely FAB!!! Good on you :D
     
  4. Classic_Love

    Classic_Love ♥ Waiting But Wanting ♥

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    Thanks for the support and advice, ladies. I really needed to hear that everything's going to be okay. I had some college classes today (I'm doing a duel enrollment... highschool and college at the same time) and I was able to get a good hug from one of his best friends. I brought a bag of some things to give to my boyfriend (a teddy bear, a shirt and a note) and he said he'd drop them off today. I have to go out to dinner with my family tonight, I'm desperately hoping that Mom won't bring this up at the dinner table with my little sister there. I'm still allowed to drive around and apply for jobs at places, and I'm still allowed to go to a pool party this weekend, so things are looking okay. I'm just looking forward to getting things cleared tomorrow.

    I've just been having crying fits all day and I really hope things work out. I'll take your advice. Thanks again.

    xoxo
     
  5. Christine1993

    Christine1993 Full-time mummy to Aidan

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    First off all i wanted to say thats so sweet what your boyfriend said to you & thats really sweet that your going to give him a box of your stuff :) Sorry i dont have any advice for you but i completely understand where your coming from, who wouldnt? :) I hope everything works out for you & Patrick & im sure one day your mum will see sense that her daughters in love :) xx
     
  6. Classic_Love

    Classic_Love ♥ Waiting But Wanting ♥

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    Thank you all so much. I just wanted to give an update.

    So Saturday night my mom pulled me aside and said, "You have a lot of explaining to do, so go ahead." And I just kind of blanked. So I told her to talk first, and so she got pretty heated and just kind of, basically, told me that I was on my way to being the hugest whore in the world. I was like "Mom I haven't even had sex, and he's the only one I've done anything with." She's like, "Well it doesn't take long to get there, hon."
    Then anytime I'd say anything she'd get all freaked out that I was still not seeing why what I did was wrong or whatever. She told me that she wants to pull me out of college and stick me in a private school, because she doesn't like me having so much freedom.

    But, by Sunday night she gave me my phone and computer privileges back (as long as I don't call or text past 10), apologized for freaking out and also said I'm allowed to see Patrick at church or under her supervision. I'm still not quite so keen on it but it's a lot better than never seeing him again and having no phone. I think I'll still get to go to college and everything. It turned out that I really was just having a yeast infection and so that's almost fully taken care of. Mom also said that the reason why she freaked out so much is because she feels like it's her fault that I had done things, because she wasn't paying close enough attention and whatnot.

    Thanks again for your advice. I really did appreciate it, and things turned out fine. =)
     

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