I Feel Broken :(

[Becci_Boo86]

Last night me and my OH were talking about what we want out of our sex life and how to spice things up. We were talking away and he comes out with " oh if we hadn't have got married i would have loved to have slept with loads of girls then have got married to you" (we were virgins when we got married)
i was in so much shock i was like how can you come out and say that to me i just wanted to cry there and then. Then this morning we had said we will do the deed one last time be4 everything had stopped in the ovulation period. he goes to me i find this boring and don't enjoy sex anymore its the same thing over and over again not sure whats the best thing to do. I dont know what 2 do either. he goes and gets porn mags watches it on the p.c plays with himself and then he comes to me and says oh i find this boring i just wanna cry loads i really do x

 

[SarahMelissa]

Big hugs to you hun my suggestion would be to go to a sex shop and get yourself a sexy outfit or some new hot lingerie and maybe a couple of toys for you to try and then surprise him with something new you havent done before. good luck i know its hard sometimes

 

[sazza]

I think your OH has been very insensitive in what he has said to you. I think you need to talk to him, and explain how much he has hurt you by his comments. How would he feel if you told him that 'sex is boring' then went to look at porn? I think he would not be happy! x

 

[buffy]

I agree with Sazza. Men can be such idiots at times!! Perhaps he does feel under pressure or that you are not enjoying sex with him in the way he'd like as you are so focussed on getting pregnant and does not really know how to say it, so he's said "this is boring". He probably hasn't really meant it in a hurtful way. However the things that he has said and the way that he has said it is pretty hurtful and insensitive and if i were you i'd tell him.

I know it's petty and would feel like "cutting your nose off to spite your face" but I'd be tempted to withhold sex from him for a few weeks just to teach him a lesson. Tell him if porno mags and dvds are so much more exciting than you, to go give himself a treat! I'm pretty sure he'll get very bored of that when he knows he aint getting the real deal for being such an ass!! Just to really teach him as well you could always walk round the house in sexy underwear in high heels then tell him he's not getting any! xxx

 

[urchin]

I'm sure all of that was very hurtful to hear, but 'going through the motions' sex can get very repetative, and eventually dull. So i'd go with SarahM's suggestion...there is absolutely no need for babymaking sex to slip into a routine - I know certain positions are better for conception, but that doesn't mean that the whole shebang has to be in the missionary position .... just flip over towards the end, or straight after he's cum - it really will be fine.
And then have a good think together about what sexy things do turn you both on. I dunno, me and Mr Urch are really quite straightforward with each other about such things, but if you find it hard to ask for what you want, try instigating a game.
A really good one is for both of you to write down things you would like done to you on pieces of paper, fold them up and put them in a hat - then take it in turns to pull one out, and that's what you do! (beware of saliva, but if blowjobs are in there, just have a bowl of warm water to wash the spit off after before you have sex)
Sexy undies are a good idea - for him as well. Think about what you most like to see him in - a fresh pair of whities? crisp boxers? and have him dress for you - and do the same for him. For a lot of men, this is going to mean something red and black rather than white and pure, but please see this just as harmless visual stuff, not as a sign that he wants you to look cheap!

All in all, he really doesn't need to have slept with a hundred women to have spice and variety - what he really needs is one good woman who can spice it up and add variety. That's you hon....go get your man!

 

[ineedaseed]

big hugs to you becci. Men are so insensitive. I think you should talk to him and explain how he has made you feel. ttc adds so much pressure all round. hope things work out ok xxx

 

[Hollys_Twinny]

Don't get yourself to down Hun. I no it's hard when men are so insensetive. Must be something in the air.. They all seem to be driving us crazy lately. I agree that when you've forgiven him for bein an ass. U get yourself all dolled up and prove him wrong x

 

[sazza]

I'm all for spicing things up, as things can get repetitive - for all of us! Why does it need to be the female getting dressed up in sexy lingerie though? Let your man do the work! Tell him what you would like - let him do some of the work! It's gotta work both ways! x x

 

[Kiki09]

Tell him it takes 2 to spice things up! You can start it off, I agree with sarahm and Urchin, porn or games to add a bit of variety, there are some games you can by which are based on spin the bottle but each section is sex related, a bit like the paper game Urchin mentioned, there is so much you and him can do to spice things up, just make sure it is inside both your "comfort" zones and that you would be happy to do..

 

[jenny25]

sweetie i know how you feel , my OH feels as if the sex is all about making babies and the love and passion has drifted from what used too be love making into baby making but he had no right too say that too you , you should hide the stash of mags block the porn sites go around in sexy underwear tease him and dont put out that will teach him i told my OH if i catch him sorting himself then we would never have sex again xx

 

[Caterpiller]

Hi Becci - I'm sorry to hear your OH is being a bit of an arse hat, but that's men for you. Having been married for 13 years, to the same man, it can get very boring for them as well as us. My DDH and I even went through a year long dry patch, if that puts things in perspective - but happy to say, everything is back on track. We came to an agreement that if we were going to survive together, we had to communicate. This can be really hard, as you want to show you're strong and together, someone he can rely on - we never seem to want to reveal ourselves, for fear of getting hurt - but truth is, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I am sure you probably have ideas of things you would like to try - perhaps going outdoors for a little al fresco action, or doing it in every room in the house.

We go away every month - for just the weekend - normally around O now - but even if we weren't trying, we still have this arrangement - we find small hotels, motels, whatever - has to have room service, cable tv, but essentially, we get there, shut the doors and get nekkid for the whole weekend. It's relaxing, playful, we are away from the home humdrum and it allows us to explore each other without the usual distractions. It doesn't have to be expensive - you can take some toys along with you - perhaps some whipped cream - although if you're dieting like me, this is not a good idea.

Basically, you both married without experience of others, and while I am impressed both of you held out - you need to teach each other about what satisfies you - sorry if I sound like Dr. Ruth, but I really believe sex is a huge component in a marriage - anyone who says differently is deluding themselves - its the difference between making love and having sex, I think most women will tell you there is a massive difference.

Perhaps this next cycle you should spend the time working out what makes you both feel good without all the pressure of baby making - perhaps he feels like he's just not appreciated as a husband, but is being seen as a sperm donor. Just by telling him that you want to make him happy, he'll respond - encourage him, you may be surprised.

All the best - baby making is more than a journey of sperm meets egg, its two people who love each other, creating a blend of their love, unless the condom splits, then - well that's another diatribe.

Enjoy it!

 

[Megg33k]

Ugh @ MEN!

I'm so sorry, because no one should ever be told those things. It's not right or fair or acceptable for him to say that, especially in such an insensitive way. If he could have worded it better... less harsh and blaming... it's perfectly fine. But, to say that he wishes he could have slept with a lot of girls before marrying you... that's not right at all. I'm doubting you held him at gunpoint during the wedding?!?!

I don't know what to suggest. I guess you should probably listen to the other girls that posted before me. Because, me? I wouldn't get to TTC anymore because I would pretty much tell my DH that he would never have to worry himself with having boring sex with me again... and carry through with it.

I'll admit though... there is no getting porn mags, watching it on the computer, and playing with himself in my house. I know... you all think I'm naive and stupid if I believe that... but I promise that it's true. I told him very upfront when we moved in together that us joining households would be the end of his "playing with himself" days. I personally believe that it has become too much of activity to pass boredom these days. I explained that there were so many more important things that he could be doing rather than getting himself off, and he best start thinking about what they were because he needed to find them and quick-like. I don't think of orgasms as something to pass time... even if they are quite fun. I asked that he stop and start considering other options he could explore, new activities, doing something productive or even creative... but not that. I don't think it's dirty or wrong... I don't have any religious beliefs or anything that persuade it... I just think it's a silly way to pass time. And, now that we're TTC, he pretty well knows that I would actually walk out on him if he felt the need to waste it when we need it to make a baby. It was one of my very few rules, and he chose to marry me anyway. Although, he pretty much does whatever I say whenever I want.

Maybe you should tell him that story about me and my DH, and then he'll be so happy to be married to you instead of someone like me that he'll do whatever you ask for the rest of your lives? I'd actually just tell him about himself... in other words, explain that it was hurtful to you and it's fine if he wants to discuss making things more interesting but he needs to stop playing the blame game. Maybe remind him that he's obviously not doing anything to improve the situation because pointing fingers isn't very helpful. Perhaps you could also remind him that life isn't a porno and he likely wouldn't find one even if he went searching the sea for another fish. I'm just saying... Don't take it sitting down... stand up and fight for your self-respect and demand that he treat you with the respect that you deserve as a woman, his wife, and the person who intends to bear his children!

 

[Becci_Boo86]

thanks ladies! i just worry that he will go off with some1 cos i think he dosn't want 2 have sex with me or anything! i just got off the phone from him and he just kept saying i love you becci i do!! in the end i said 2 him that if u want porn and ur hand well have that cos i not going 2 be here waiting for you 2 feel like u wanna have sex with me cos u know i want to! i just want everything 2 be bk to how it was a year ago!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Jem88]

me & my OH, kind of had a simlar convo the start of this month, he just suddenly seemed to go off sex, an when i asked him, he said that it was abit boring and it was more like a robot routine, which i did agree with him, so we then had a convo about what we would like to do more, what we liked etc apart from just sex, just make it more fun an this month its been great maybe ask him what he'd like to change, or if theres anythin he'd like to try.

 

[heathette]

Ah sweetie...

You really need to let him know how much he has hurt you, he shouldn't get away with this and if he was my hubby i would expect some serious grovelling and nothing less!

xx

 

[Becci_Boo86]

We had a very long talk at lunch and we have sorted it! We looked on the net and he said he would like the dress up thing etc.. so we have said from now on we talk about everything involving our sex life and not just leave it. I'm alot happier now just needed 2 tell him how i felt and the same back. thanks so much ladies means alot having up help and support xx

 

[Kiki09]

Glad you managed to talk it through.. its not an easy topic but one that is so important in a relationship, my oh does not "satisfy" himself either, he would not have the energy or inclination then for us to get it together and that would kill the relationship longterm... just keep that communication going...