I Feel Like Everyone Thinks I'm Gonna Be A Bad Mom

[ZoeyKaspian]

Alright, I get it. A lot of first time mom's get shit from people. I feel like I'm getting double the shit from people because of my fiance's ex. My fiance agrees that his whole family is comparing me to her and thinks I am like her without trying to actually get to know me. They just assume it because I'm pregnant and he doesn't go get wastey pants with them because he's working. I've run down what his grandparents (his grandma and great Aunt) treat me like. I've mentioned how I didn't want to hold their new grandson when I had food in my hand and they told my fiance, "You see, that's how things are going to be." As if I was lazy for not wanting to hold their grandson. This time, though, it's our fuckking neighbor. I don't feel pressured to be nice to her either! Last night, when she found out this is my first child, all of the typical "Don't say that to a pregnant woman" words kicked in from her and her only. Everyone else was being nice. She then proceeds to come up to me today and tell me, "Do you mind if I give you some advice?" and then, I didn't respond because I knew even if I said no, she was going to get pissed and tell me anyway. She was telling me don't take parenting classes from pregnant women (lol) and basically just doing the typical, "You don't know what you're getting into" thing which was royally pissing me off and made me feel like even she had some idea I was going to be this horrible piss of a mother. It already pisses me off when my fiance's family and friends do it, simply because he dated someone who doesn't know how to take care of her fucking kids. As if everyone is that way. Even though, they've seen me with his son and his son's brother and know how good I am with them. My fiance tells me all the time HOW I am with his son and his son's brother is what reassures him I'll be an awesome mom. I don't need our neighbors doing this shit too. This time though, I actually want to fucking cry...

I just have this whole feeling of "Just you fucking wait and see what kind of mom I am, you assholes. I am going to be AWESOME. I am going to have WEAK moments, but I am also going to have more strong moments than any of you give me credit for." The lady talking to me HAD to take parenting classes. Totally the person I'm taking advice from! Not.

 

[onebumpplease]

Good for you, don't let them get you down! I hate that attitude in any walk of life when you embark on something for the first time.

 

[ZoeyKaspian]

I'm kind of glad I get to babysit my stepson this week! She can put a can in it when she sees how awesome I am with him lol. Like I said, this isn't my fiance's grandparents or one of his Aunts. This is someone whose opinion matters to neither of us, but at the same time, I do wanna cry because I just KNOW I'm going to be a good mom...and it feels like everyone else thinks I won't be. The lack of faith in me is what is so hurtful.

 

[Dragonfly]

People that have attitudes like this usually arnt telling you what will happen they are telling you their story. Their crap experiences. I got it all with my first and can say none of what they said happened to me as I didn't parent the same way. Then I felt sorry for them. Its not crap, its not bad, your life isnt over, you will sleep again, its not easy but its worth it.

 

[sue_88]

I've had a lot of crap about my choices:

Homebirth
Breast feeding
Cloth nappies
Ironing baby clothes

But screw them! I'm raising my daughter, and not them. If they don't like it then it's bye bye to them !

 

[ZoeyKaspian]

The only lifestyle choice for parenting that I've gotten arguments over is the breastfeeding thing because a bunch of people don't think I'll last. We actually signed up for a breastfeeding support group for a night next month. It's more so that they assume since his ex-girlfriend was a certain way, I will be this way. She didn't clean, she didn't change diapers, she called their kid an asshole, she didn't ever respond to him crying and my fiance always had to wake up, get up, walk over her and respond to his son crying. She didn't check on the kids. She put all the responsibility in my fiance's hands in none in hers. She is still this way. Her prison convict boyfriend is first and nobody else is. They know better. They know that I've been an Angel to his son and his son's brother. They've seen me take his son to the park. They've seen where I told his son "no". They've seen me take his son outside. When I first babysat his son, my fiance was surprised I even took him outside because his mother never did (and even her current boyfriend's brother thinks she's a shit mom). They've thrown tantrums and I STILL keep calm (and trust me, deep down, the kids are grinding my last nerve, but I NEVER lose it). The kids have both waken up at sick at 3 am and again, not once did I complain. I KNOW what a loss of sleep is like because of kids! NO ONE, except my fiance, gives me credit for what I do with these boys!! I may be a first time mom, but the experience with my stepkids and eight siblings is NOT lost on me. Again, the lack of faith just because of their prior experience with the ex is hurtful...but I should add that our neighbor knows nothing about his ex so it just started to feel like "Okay now I know no one has faith in me." At least up here, anyway. My mom and grandma seem to have faith in me. At least, I have that, right? Maybe it's because they know better. They saw me with kids. They've seen what I'm like.

 

[elle86]

Who cares what the neighbour thinks!? its absolutely none of her business!

 

[ZoeyKaspian]

Who cares what the neighbour thinks!? its absolutely none of her business!

It's not so much what she thinks, as an accumulation of feeling like everyone near us (fiance's family and friends, not mine) seems to treat me the same. So, it was like a volcano that went off when she did it too.

 

[welshsarah]

I've had a lot of crap about my choices:

Homebirth
Breast feeding
Cloth nappies
Ironing baby clothes

But screw them! I'm raising my daughter, and not them. If they don't like it then it's bye bye to them !

just wondering... whats wrong with ironing baby clothes?

 

[sue_88]

I've had a lot of crap about my choices:

Homebirth
Breast feeding
Cloth nappies
Ironing baby clothes

But screw them! I'm raising my daughter, and not them. If they don't like it then it's bye bye to them !

just wondering... whats wrong with ironing baby clothes?

Oh god, I got loads of shit for it.

I asked for advice via a facebook status on how to iron babys sleepsuits - which are really small and fiddly....and got these comments:

"You will never do them again... Once baby's got them on, worn them for five seconds and been sick everywhere, it seems a bit pointless!"
"Yeah don't bother..you'll never have time to iron them once the little lady arrives! Plus they go through 2-3 a day!"

I never EVER wear an outfit or piece of clothing myself that has not been ironed, so why would I put my daughter in an un-ironed item of clothing. I just hate being critised by people saying - oh you'll have no time for that...? Grrrr how to they know? What if I WANT to iron my girls clothes, like I iron my own.

It just really upset me, another action I have chosen to have my daughter presentable in my terms just completely disregarded as something stupid.

Rant over!

 

[Dragonfly]

Thats sounds like jealously to me. Nothing wrong with looking presentable. I dont have time for ironing everything with two boys but my tumble is a great job. Wish I could though, would hire someone to do it.