I feel like I cant do this

Tanara

Taye and Fayths Mommy
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:cry::cry::cry::cry:

I dont know how to deal with this situation, I feel like this is to much to handle and like im going to crumble. I try to keep eating but I have no appetite, which I have only ever had one while pregnant. I have not been able to sleep which when I get stressed out I know im not going to get any rest because my mind doesn't stop. I've been getting migraines from a combination of the stress and well crying. and to top it off I'm super sick. I dont know how much more my body can handle. And I'm mad that their dad isn't even helping at all. Okay so were not together, that doesn't mean that I bear allll of the responsibility and have to do it all with noone to help, while hes sitting at his buddys house (with OUR big screen tv and xbox) relaxing, and playing video games.

I hate that he calls me hunny and babe, even after I asked him to stop because I feel like he is making this so much harder. It's like hes PMSing. One minute he is telling me about his plans for the future (which dont include me or this family) and the next hes saying he misses being here and misses me. I feel so helpless right now, I love him and it isnt just loving him as a boyfriend or the father of my child, he was my bestfriend, the one person I told everything to. Everyone keeps telling me not to talk to him but he talks to me and I just cant ignore him, I miss him.

He makes me so mad because he expects to come here every night after work to see the kids, but its like he punches me in the stomach. He just keeps re opening my wonders watches me struggle to not break down then hugs me and thinks that makes it better. We've never gone more than an hour or two not talking so it makes it so hard for either of us not to talk.

I'm so worn down I dont think i can keep doing this, with them being sick on top of everything and it being a struggle to get Fayth to sleep, then as soon as shes asleep Taye wakes her up. I cant hold all of this shit together and try and fight for this family all on m own.

And I text him and tell him I cant handle this, and whats going on with the kids and what does he say.... "I'm really sorry Tanara" Well how about you shove your sorry up your arse and come help take care of your fucking daughter, I wasn't the only one who brought her into this world, I didn't promise forever and a day and walk away when she hit two months. I dont deserve to have to be the one to pick up all of the pieces and try and hold everything together and be this big strong person. If i didn't love my kids more than anything this would be the fucking perfect time to start drinking (although unlike Fayths dad I cant do that)

I dont know what to do at all, I feel like just giving up but I cant because I have to kids I have to take care of. they only have responsible parent. I wish her dad would grow a fucking sack and get his ass over her and be a god dam man and take care of his fucking responsibilities instead of acting like a stupid little prick.
 
Sorry things are so rubbish at the minute :(
I don't know everything but from what i've read of your story, you've done it once before on your own and done a fantastic job, so you are 100% strong enough to do it again. He needs to grow up though, it's not fair to be hurting you so much when you have two little ones to be looking after on top of everything. You will get through this though, and you will cope, you're a strong woman and he's a fool to be behaving like he is xx
 
Tanara you're an amazing mum to taye and fayth and you can do this. i know it doesn't seem like it right now, but it will get easier believe me! you are so strong and i'm so impressed that you are coping as well as you are considering you have two LO's and i sometimes feel that the world is crashing around me and i only have kaya! then i remember that you have two and you are doing great so why can't i handle one? your ex really doesn't know what its like to have to deal with two kids full time if he's just saying that he's sorry. saying sorry doesn't help you out at all and he should realise that, grow some balls, and be the dad that he promised to be!!!!!!

hope you all start feeling better soon, and if you need to rant then let it out we're all here for you hunny :hugs::hugs:
 
im sorry tanara :hugs: things will get better soon you are soo strong and dont you forget that. You dont need him you are strong and very beautiful one day your prince charming will come. Hold your head up high girlie :hugs:
 
I'm sorry. :( *hugs* Men can be so heartless at times. You are strong, you can do this. It will get easier with time.
 
I really wish I could give you a hug and go help you right now, its complete shit that thats happening to you. You can do it though, and your doing such a great job. could your relatives maybe take them for a little, or just come watch them so you can get a little sleep? That would probably do you a world of good. :hugs:
 
No my parents arent around and my grandparents work all the time. I dont have any family around here. I've decided im not waiting around for him, im gonna start doing yoga again and going for walks more often, I dont care if he comes around its easier thatt way.
 
It sounds like your latest post has the right attitude, start doing things and moving on and take your mind off things. What will be will be.

You will get through it, you seem like a very strong person from posts of yours that I have read in the past :hugs:
 
I didn't wanna read and run, but :hugs: I hope things get better for you. Your a strong woman you CAN do this.
 
Tanara you CAN do this. You are such a strong girl and such an amazing mummy and i'm so sorry you're in this shitty place all over again but you have done it once and have an amazing son from it so I know you can do it. Make sure you're taking any time when both kids are asleep for yourself, dont panic about housework etc etc just relax, fix yourself something good to eat and have some me time. You definitely deserve it.

and I agree, dont wait around for fayth's dad. If he's going to step up he's going to do it. You dont need to be there topander to him. He does not deserve it. I have so much respect for you honey and you have so much on your plate, if I could come and help you I would be there in an instant :hugs:
 
Tanara, you're an amazingly strong woman. You can do this, and we're all here to support you as best we can. :hugs:
 
I'm so sory hun, I didn't realise you'd broken up.

Of course you can do this, you are very strong and things will definitley start looking up for you :hugs:
 
Ugh so Today I was going to talk to him and kind of just get the confrontation over with.

So I made my status on Facebook "A little nervous about this afternoon, gonna take the wee ones outside to enjoy this amazing weather"

Well my phone died while I was out for a walk with a couple friends and he sends me a text saying "why would have you be nervous about this afternoon, got a date?" OF FUCKING COURSE NOT. well I didnt text back cause my phone was dead and he sends another text saying "are you busy?" Obviously I still didn't answer so he sends another text saying "I wish you would answer I really need someone to talk to"

Then sends me a message on Facebook saying "Wish u would answer phone "

Now im tempted to call him and see whats wrong but at the same time I'm thinking this time of me not answering him might be getting to him, it's not my responsibility to be here for him 24/7 when were not together right?
 
Oh I forgot to add I got all pretty today did my hair and makeup and put on a skirt (not too toot my own horn but I looked good )


Well I called his mom cause I figured if it was that important he would talk to her, and she said she hasn't heard from him since he left here earlier. She thinks it's getting under his skin that I got all ready today and wasnt moping around the house. And that I have been busy with friends and everything. And to top it off that I wasn't answering him. She said to call him back, if he didn't answer to leave him alone but she thinks he might be realizing what exactly he is losing.

So im leaving it alone. But I unintentionally made a point. Whoop me lol. I'm worried about him thinking I moved on but at the same time, I know he might need this kick in the ass..
 
:hugs: and GO YOU about getting all dressed up and getting out today! :) It definately sounds like it's made a world of difference to your mood. Incredible how just making yourself look nice and getting out of the house can change how you feel. Stick to your guns, his problems aren't your responsibility right now. If it's about the kids, then by all means, if it's about your relationship, then of course. But if it's HIS problems, no, you don't need that right now. If he was that desperate he would have come round or rung you again.

x
 
Sounds like his only problem was the fact he was getting all paranoid you were with someone else and not answering him! Well done for unintentionally proving a point :haha:
 

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