i feel so disgusting!!

Discussion in 'General Chatter' started by danni0509, Apr 17, 2009.

  1. danni0509

    danni0509 Well-Known Member

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    hi
    well basically i feel so disgusting because i have turned into a big fat waste of space!
    this is my story very briefly
    i have never been a size 0 but i have always weighed around 9-10 stone so quite slim but since losing my baby in january 2008 almost 18 months ago i have REALLY let myself go i have put on 4 stone and feel really miserable
    i am a size 16-18 in clothes and wear the same thing all of the time because i am too embarrased to dress nicely and people that i havent seen in a long while are totally shocked of my appearance and have even commented on it i recently had our 1st wedding anniversary party and all the guests were looking at me for the wrong reasons i didnt even dare get up and dance because my fat just hangs everywhere! thats how bad it is making me feel
    i have been to see my doctor about losing weight and he just said eat healthy and exercise its not that easy though is it when you have no will power
    i cant use the excuse "its because i lost my baby" because this happened almost 18 months ago i have no determination to lose weight and have no energy to do anything it takes me all my time to do something simple like get out of bed in the morning to go to work
    i dont even feel like going to work anymore but the bills wont pay theirselves
    i know that the reason i got like this in the first place is because of what happened to me with the baby but there is no reason why i cant sort it out now
    every monday i start a new diet and by the very next day ive said fuck it and given up
    i did have a gym membership but let it go because for one i wasnt using it and for two i couldnt really afford it
    has any one else lost a lot or even a little bit of weight? and if you have how did you do it and how long did it take ?
    if you have examples of what you ate throughout the day then that would be useful
    any advice will be appreciated thanks girls x x x x x
     
  2. babystar

    babystar Guest

    :hugs::hugs: sorry I dont have any advise that is of much use to you. Just wanted to :hugs: you
     
  3. danni0509

    danni0509 Well-Known Member

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    and also i forgot to add on my above post i have got really spotty which again is making me miserable and my oh wont touch me with a barge pole :( not just because i have spots but because i have let myself go big time and our sex life has gone straight out of the window i get it once a month if im lucky and thats is definetly no good when im desperate for a baby i have been desperate to have a baby for the last 6 years :( x
     
  4. Tasha

    Tasha 4kids+2angels+16mc
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    Firstly :hugs:

    I just wanted to say 18 months is no time at all hun, so dont put pressure on yourself saying that you cant blame it on that, any way I dont think your using it as an excuse just incredibly sad for what you have lost.

    I met my husband when I was a size 10, four children later including Honey who was stillborn I am a size 14, so much bigger than I use to be, but we still have sex regularly (sorry tmi) because he loves me no matter what, and your partner should too hun. I think he probably does want you, but can see how down you are and doesnt want to push you, have you talked to him.

    I lost quite a bit of weight on weightwatchers before, is that an option for you? It easy to see what you can and cant eat that way, I know you may not want to go to a WW's group but you can join it online now and do it all yourself, also there is a weight loss thread on here, I am sure the girls would help and give you support. x
     
  5. LucyEmma

    LucyEmma Well-Known Member

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    Aww hun :hug: 18 month is not that long, it takes along time to greive over a loss and people have diffrent ways and times of dealing with it.

    Have you tried joining a group? sometimes its easier with weight loss to do it in a group where you all have targets and to help eachother along when things get tough?

    Do you have anyone to speak to about your loss at all? Maybe it will help to just have some one to listen to you? it really helps to get things of your chest sometimes when your feeling a bit low.

    Hope you feel better soon hun :) lots of hugs :hugs::hugs:
     
  6. MummyMummy

    MummyMummy Well-Known Member

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    there is no time limit on YOU grieving you know, there is no time limit at all... you can say WHATEVER you choose to about loosing your baby reguardless of how much time has passed and nobody has anyright at all to tell you to to 'get over it cause it's been 18months'! 18months isn't long at all, i haven't experienced what you have so i wont insult you by saying i sympathise/empathise because gods honest truth is i don't have a clue what loosing a child is like and hope to god i never will but i DO know that giving yourself time to heal and to process your own thoughts is important with anything thathappens in life... take the time for you.

    you sound depressed tbh, you really do. i'd go and talk to the dr if i was you and not just about loosing weight... about not having no drive to do anything and feeling blah.

    exercising doesn't have to cost the earth, you can also go to a local authority/council gym that is alot cheaper than eg/ jjb/private type gyms... exercise videos are fab and you can pick them upcheap from ebay etc. too and now p&p has to be free on dvds on ebay so you can get a bargain! exercising as you know releases feel good hormones. i've been on ww in the past and lost several st! yes stone! after i have had baby i will be doing ww again too, not the meetings as they are far too expensive for us right now but i have all the books,several cook books and it isn't hardto work out points allowance. if you wanna be work out/diet friends in the future then that would be fab from my end... we could help each other stay on track and keep motivated and to avoid temptation!

    loosing weight alone wont make you suddenly feel great and make everything better in life if you are depressed and upset about loosing your baby. but it will bennefit your long term health and put you in the best possible position for when it comes the time to try for more babies. also, a healthier diet does improve your skin, hair and nails too!

    xXx
     
  7. avabear73

    avabear73 Mum to Finlay

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    I can sympathise with the weight thing ... when I met hubby I was 8 1/2 st, (5'3"), but we were settled and happy immediately and slowly the weight piled on. Fast forward 16 years, and just before I got pregnant I weighed 14st 3lbs. Once the baby comes, I'm going to lose weight because I want to be healthy and a good example for our baby.

    For weight loss, it sounds like you find a huge change of diet/lifestyle daunting (and who wouldn't?!) .. try making a small change and sticking with it for 2 weeks. Something like replacing juice with water. Once you're comfortable with that, add in something else ... one very small thing at a time, stick with it for a couple of weeks, then add in something else. Just replace one bad habit at a time, don't try to change everything in a day. As for exercise, how about a walk with a friend or workmate at lunchtime? Don't jump into something too demanding too fast, pick something that can be fun socially because then you'll stick to it because you're enjoying it.

    And when you have a good day, give yourself credit!! Bad days (diet/exercise wise) happen to EVERYONE. Everyone has a day when they just can't ignore that chocolate muffin, or it's raining and they just can't be assed with a walk, but the difference between success and failure is simply that successful folks get back on course the next day, and they forgive themselves for their mistakes. You sound like you're being hard on yourself, and that's not fair. Be kind to yourself, you've been through a lot and you shouldn't beat yourself up. :hugs:

    It also sounds like you're struggling with confidence, and I know how that feels. That voice inside that encourages you to compare yourself with those around you ("am I the fattest in the room?") and thinks that people are judging you because of your weight. Well, firstly they are probably far too busy thinking about what they look like (even if they look great to you I bet they are worrying about some aspect of their appearance, "oh my god everyone is staring at my spot/hair/big bum") to worry about you, and if they are in fact judging you then they need to find something better to do. :hugs:

    Do you have any family/friends who need to lose weight too? You could be each other's diet buddy, you could encourage each other and give each other moral support.

    Just some suggestions ... good luck and YOU CAN DO IT :)
     
  8. danni0509

    danni0509 Well-Known Member

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    thank-you for all your kind words girls i definetly am going to diet and this time i mean it because i hate feeling like a fat flump :) i want to fit in to nice clothes and look like i used too and i will let you know what diet/exercise programme i am going to do as soon as i have decided x x thanks again x x
     

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