I guess I'm making a thread...

Discussion in 'Gender Disappointment' started by Xpecta, Jan 3, 2017.

  1. Xpecta

    Xpecta Well-Known Member

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    I have an appointment with my OB this week, and they're probably going to book me for my 20 week anatomy scan. At which I'll be asking to find out the gender.

    I'm starting to get really nervous. I've tried so hard to be that kind of woman that says "I don't care what they are, I just want them to be healthy." But apparently I'm not. I have two boys and a girl. I want another girl. I know I'm not in a situation like some people on here who only have one gender and are desperate for the other. I have both sons and a daughter and I'm so thankful!! But I so badly want my daughter to have a sister and she wants one too. I want to pull out all of her old clothes and dress up a new baby girl. I even bought a tiny little newborn bracelet for her just in case it's a girl.

    *Sigh* anyways... I figured you were the only people who would understand. Thanks for reading.
     
  2. Fascination

    Fascination Her mummy <3

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    Ah, you can't help how you feel - lots of people have an idea of how their family might look in the future, and if you see two boys & two girls, it would only be natural to be a little disappointed if that vision has to change to accommodate another boy. That doesn't mean he wouldn't fit in perfectly well though, and in time, you'd hopefully start to warm towards the idea, along with your daughter. Everything takes time.

    I sincerely hope you get another little girl and will keep everything crossed for you! Best of luck at your scan. X
     
  3. Isme

    Isme Well-Known Member

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    :hugs: You can't help what you feel. Of course you're grateful and will love the baby no matter what, but it's okay to wish for another little girl. I felt silly because we had waited years to try for a third, and then it took exactly a year to conceive... So you'd think within all that time I would have wrapped my head around possibly having a little boy. Especially since we had two daughters already and everyone just expected us to have (or at least hope for) a little boy. But secretly I'd hoped for another daughter, and then once I got pregnant I realized I really, REALLY wanted the baby to be a girl. I knew that in the end I'd love my baby no matter what (that's what the logical side of my brain told me...), but I was terrified to think about having a little boy after being a girl mom for so long.

    We ended up with our third little girl and couldn't be happier. (Even my oldest daughter who had been wanting a brother since I was pregnant with her first sister.) However, those many weeks of anxiety about the baby's gender really put things into perspective for me. This can be a tough process. You absolutely can't help the way you feel. I've got my fingers crossed that you get another baby girl. I know you'll be fine either way, though. <3
     
  4. Xpecta

    Xpecta Well-Known Member

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    Thanks ladies. It helps knowing that I'm not a bad person for wanting one gender over the other.

    I just found out today that my ultrasound is booked for next Friday January 13th. I'm trying not to get my hopes up because I absolutely hate the disappointment when what you put your hope into doesn't turn out the way you want. I've had much too much experience with that.

    I think my biggest fear is how I'm going to react and feel at first if baby is a boy. I don't want to feel negative towards this baby at all.
     
  5. Fascination

    Fascination Her mummy <3

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    If you do find out that you're expecting a boy, and you felt negative towards the baby, please just try and remember that those feelings would be completely natural, just as it would be natural to feel guilty for having them in the first place.

    Your baby will be loved, they will fit in perfectly within your family, and given time, those negative thoughts and feelings will soon disappear.

    Good luck with your scan! :hugs: x
     
  6. Xpecta

    Xpecta Well-Known Member

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    Thank you. I've got this gut feeling today that baby is a boy. So I'm trying to embrace that right now. I'm hoping that if I really let it sink in then maybe I'll grow to want it.
     
  7. DobbyForever

    DobbyForever First Time Momma

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    You ar definitely not a bad person. I can say that because A- having a hope or expectation isn't bad and B- you respond to my posts a lot and I think you are super awesome. I totally understand wanting to give your daughter a sister. There is something very unique about having a sister. But, for what it's worth, I'm the only daughter of four children and three stepbrothers. And as much as sometimes I thought it would be cool to have a gal pal at home, I was the princess. I never had hand me downs. My mom and I always had one on one time with spa days. I am so close to my mom because I was the only girl, and once I hit high school and saw my friends falling out of it with their sisters or the cattiness... idk I honestly am super grateful I am the only girl.

    And it's ok to feel negative or upset about it at first. In a way, you are grieving a loss. Totally normal and natural. I'm sure you aren't going to lock your baby under the staircase and force him to eat scraps if baby turns out to be a boy. Don't be so hard on yourself.

    I'll keep my fingers crossed for your pink bundle.
     
  8. Xpecta

    Xpecta Well-Known Member

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    Thank you DobbyForever. No... I wouldn't do that to him..... Unless he was a world famous wizard and it was part of his journey Hahaha.

    My ultrasound is tomorrow. I'm feeling pretty nervous. Mainly just because of how I *Might* react.

    As for the close relationship with your mother, I started picturing what that would be like about a week ago and felt good about it being a boy. It would be very nice to have that special relationship with my daughter. But then I start thinking of a tiny little girl again and my heart melts.

    But I do know that I will love my child no matter what. I think I just feel wrong for being sad :(
    Thank you for your kind words. It really made my day!!
     
  9. DobbyForever

    DobbyForever First Time Momma

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    Awww I'm glad I could help. :). And I'm glad that you are feeling better about either outcome. Just keep reminding yourself that any "negative" reaction is just you processing a loss, and one you have you will be able to love your baby whole heartedly. Boy or girl, baby is lucky to have you as a mom. Definitely update us tomorrow!
     
  10. Xpecta

    Xpecta Well-Known Member

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    Thank you Dobby!!! You're definitely making me feel much better!!! :hugs:
     
  11. Xpecta

    Xpecta Well-Known Member

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    So here's the biggest disappointment.... They couldn't tell what gender it was :(

    I'm so freaking upset. No clue if I'll get another ultrasound now.
     
  12. DobbyForever

    DobbyForever First Time Momma

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    Oh no! Bummer!!! I hope they rescan you :(
     
  13. MemmaJ

    MemmaJ Well-Known Member

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    Oh gosh Xpecta...! How many weeks are you? Is getting a private gender scan an option?
     
  14. Xpecta

    Xpecta Well-Known Member

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    I'm 20 weeks. I don't know. I honestly don't know how to even go about that here.
     
  15. DobbyForever

    DobbyForever First Time Momma

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    When would your next appointment be? :(. I do know a lot of private scans have guaranteed so if that happens they scan again. Sometimes you can find deals via coupon sites (like groupon or livingsocial but idk the Canadian versions of those). Just always check reviews on the provider.
     
  16. Xpecta

    Xpecta Well-Known Member

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    My next doctors appointment is Feb 2nd. Soooooo long away!!! As for private scans, it's more the place we live. It's so rural. I go to the hospital to get my ultrasounds done, so the closest place I know that does private scans is about a 4 hour drive away.
     
  17. DobbyForever

    DobbyForever First Time Momma

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    Yikes :(. I'm sorry. 2/2 is only a few weeks away. Hang in there
     
  18. Xpecta

    Xpecta Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, but then it's just the doctor, so if they want to book me another ultrasound, it will be another week or two.
     
  19. MemmaJ

    MemmaJ Well-Known Member

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    Can you not phone them and ask if you can have an ultrasound included in/added onto your appointment that's already booked?
     
  20. Xpecta

    Xpecta Well-Known Member

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    No, because it's at a different hospital. I talked to my mom today who works there and she wasn't sure I'd be able to. She did suggest that I ask at my next appointment and see what we can do. Maybe they'll do one.
     

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