I had a melt down...

[Sazzoire]

Just a little, self indulgant rant

My hubby had a back operation about 6 weeks before I had little one. So during my Mat leave before baby, instead of resting myself, I spent it looking after him. He spent most days in bed. Ever since then, although his back is 100 times better, he still gets niggles from it.

It all got too much yesterday.... Baby has had a poorly tummy from bad mummy changing her milk... this left her very grizzly.... she poo'd 4 times yesterday, when she usually only goes once a day... she farted non stop all day, bless her.

Hubby came in from work. I cooked him his dinner, then he went to bed So I looked after LO all day with her in a grumpy mood.... did housework and dinner and then had to cope with Lo until I could get her to bed. Usually I can handle it but yesterday, when I could hear hubby snoring in the spare room when I was trying to get unhappy baby to sleep at a reasonable time... I started Hubby spent about half an hour with us.. I felt a bit like a single mum. The only difference is that if I was a single mum, I wouldn't have the expectations of hubby doing as much as me in the evenings, I would just get on with it.

am I being unreasonable? this isn't a one off, it is quite a regular occurance due to his bad back, or he gets a headache, or he generally feels rubbish? I have suggested that he goes to the dr's to get checked over... is it just a man thing

xx

 

[xxembobxx]

Aaawww poor you.
Unfortunately I found that having children made me realise men and women are most definitely NOT equal!
The majority of childcare and running the house is still left to the woman. My OH has been so good lately and I don't expect him to do anything as he works long hours and I see my job as the house/ kids but it's still nice to know he will jump in if I need him to.

Having been a single parent sometimes it is easier as, like you say, you know you just have to get on with it and the resentment isn't there.
Perhaps have a word with your OH about feeling on your own when you should be working through difficult stages together.
My OH used to complain of some ailment every week until he realised I'm just not sympathetic. I figure if I have to get on with everything if I'm ill then so does he.
Put up or shut up is my motto!

Hope you get it sorted and look after yourself x

 

[bathbabe]

aww hun you arnt along! My OH sleeps 10 till 6.30am the same as our baby then he comes home from work moaning that he is tired and just wants to relax. Drives me insane. He gets more sleep than me because once Lo is in bed i make up all his bottles and do some tidying. Men... X

 

[RHR]

I'm in the same position as most ladies on here. My OH works all day and then comes home and sits in front of the pc all evening. He does cook us our tea and has a little play with DD.

He rarely changes her nappy, gives her her bottle. I do everything else around the house. He will only get up in the night to giver her her bottle if I physically can't stay awake, which has only been a few times and then wonders why I'm tired and want to go to sleep as soon as DD has gone to bed.

I do actually feel like a single mum at times as we rarely spend time as a family.

 

[tiggerlix]

i am a single mum and believe me i was a single mum when with my ex to.he would do nothing with the baby,just go to work,come home and expect tea then he would want peace and quiet while he watched dvds all night..ARRRRgh!
needless to say i am now single lol!

 

[RJsMum]

Yep, definitely a man thing. Although I have known other men to not behave this way...it seems to be more common than not.

DH is wonderful and I love him to bits...but up until a couple months ago I had to ASK him to do things with LO or help out. It's not that he didn't want to or was avoiding it...I think he was just honestly not even thinking about it. He figured I had it all under control.

Have a sit down with him and explain what you need. Sometimes being direct and telling them exactly what it is gets through. I'd also keep on him about seeing someone for the back pain. That's one thing that you don't want to leave ignored.

 

[Sazzoire]

My hubby does work all day to, but so do I... just at home with baby... my day doesn't finish at 5pm, so why should his? I'm not asking him to do any housework or cook, just help with the baby..

 

[star2002]

I feel the same way ladies! My DH comes from work showers and then takes a nap (every day) for at least 2 hrs. He then stays up late when the baby is asleep and wants me to spend time with him. Sorry when the baby goes to sleep I am not usually too far behind her as I know I am getting up a couple times in the night.
It would be nice on weekends for him to watch her so I can at least have a proper shower!

 

[RJsMum]

I feel the same way ladies! My DH comes from work showers and then takes a nap (every day) for at least 2 hrs. He then stays up late when the baby is asleep and wants me to spend time with him. Sorry when the baby goes to sleep I am not usually too far behind her as I know I am getting up a couple times in the night.
It would be nice on weekends for him to watch her so I can at least have a proper shower!

I just had to make a side comment on this...

DH says to me all the time, "Didn't you shower/wash your hair yesterday?" Or something equally ridiculous.

I don't think they realise how few and far between a decent one is. (And I can't do it during the day with DS because it will either wake him, as our shower is that loud, or it will scare him into an absolute fit).

 

[Seity]

I think he can definitely do more. I work all day and my OH is the one who stays home and takes care of our LO and when I get home from work I take Gabriel and he's my responsibility for the rest of the night. In the morning we always trade off watching him so that we both get to take our shower.

 

[Adela Quested]

If he is sick/has back problems he needs to get back to the doctor, and if he is not sick then he needs to do more.

My OH has been quite sick this past week (I have caught it now too!) but he still had to get up and change our son every few hours - with just a couple of exceptions when I could manage - because I'm still b****y knackered from the birth and spending a week in hospital afterwards where I couldn't get any sleep!

We have had words once or twice, eg when he said he had to sleep as he was tired and I said, "I'm more tired than you are!"
"How do you figure that?" he asked.
"I haven't had more than 2 hours of sleep in one go for the last four weeks!"
"Oh, yeah," he said - he couldn't argue with that!

My OH is wonderful but I have been sure to let him know that I wasn't going to be our son's sole carer. Right from when I got pregnant I lectured him on how I knew nothing about babies and had never done this before either so he should not expect that I have any more skills or knowledge than he does I wasn't about to have him do all the 'fun' parenting (games etc) while I changed nappies, fed and comforted the baby when he screamed!