I HATE selfish and insensitive people!!!!

[RosesOfTin]

begin rant: (for some that means turn back now unless you want to read a blurb of insanity)



Today I took my father to his doctor's appointment. He's 78 and had a couple sores on his chest and arm that looked suspiciously like MRSA and I wasn't going to dick around about it considering he's in my house and I'm currently fighting a staph induced round of cellulitis that totally blindsided me. I'm a clean freak and I only use organic products etc etc. So... Come to find out he has sores? Yeah... I lost it a little.

Anyway. I took him there, they said "oh yeah it's MRSA" and then I come to find out that they'd diagnosed him with dementia about 3 years ago that he hadn't told anyone about. We KNEW he was getting a bit senile, but what we didn't know was that he was refusing treatment for potential prostate cancer and refused treatment for the dementia etc etc. Needless to say the doctor brought it all up the moment he realized I was the daughter and partially responsible for my father's care.

I cried. I was angry, upset, hurt. But it gave me a concrete reason for my father's behavior. I think part of me was even more upset because I'd been begging him to get help but he'd always say "I'm fine! My doctors say you're the crazy one!" and the sort.

Needless to say... Today was pretty traumatic. I texted the woman I'm keeping my horses with. I have two of the giant four legged children and in exchange for free boarding I take care of the property owner's three horses. I told her what was going on. She proceeded to text me the following:

"Thx alot. U could have told me sooner, now I have to cut short my date. Ya know u work for me n my horses n have to do what I say. Unacceptable. My dad is dying too and I go to work."

Hmmm... Being told your father has prostate cancer and dementia and MRSA all in one go can't exactly be scheduled in. And I told her that. I also told her I'm leaving her facility on October 1 and she should seriously consider therapy for her sociopath tendencies. This was the last strike with her. First strike was when she refused to be "inconvenienced" by my horse when she was sick and I asked her to peek out at her to make sure she wasn't laying down (never good for a horse). 2nd strike was the fact she refused to tend to a sick 28 year old horse on her property that's paying for full board and I was told not to do the stall on... The horse has a good 12 months+ of manure in the stall. She does have access to going in and out of the stall at will but has to go inside to get to her water.

So I'm done. I found a new place that I'll be going to, and even though I'll be paying for board, it means I won't have to deal with this insensitive nutcase.
If her date's intelligent at all he'll run for the hills a lot faster then her ex did. Hell. The ex WARNED ME not to deal with her when he left. Gah.

/rant

I now feel a lot better... Ranting seriously helps. I'm proud of myself for being able to cut down the four letter words though

 

[LollyZ]

Hey you want me to say those for you? Seriously now what a b****. I think that a person that does that both to other people and animals is just a horrible person and you should stay away from her!
It also sounds incredible that a doctor would diagnose someone with dementia and wouldn't notify some1 else? I mean I understand confidentiality but this is kind of an exception right?
Anyway I'm sorry about your hard time.

 

[RosesOfTin]

Hey you want me to say those for you? Seriously now what a b****. I think that a person that does that both to other people and animals is just a horrible person and you should stay away from her!
It also sounds incredible that a doctor would diagnose someone with dementia and wouldn't notify some1 else? I mean I understand confidentiality but this is kind of an exception right?
Anyway I'm sorry about your hard time.

I you. She is definitely a bitch. She's not going to like it when I load my trailer up with my gear and horses and get the heck out of dodge.

Apparently my father had told the doctor he was living alone with no help. So imagine the doctor's surprise when suddenly there I am in the waiting room and my father says "oh Dr. so-and-so this is my daughter."

So now I have the complete run down of everything and I know what to expect and how to handle it... It's still on the great big giant big suck list.

Thank you... especially for the smile when you took over my 4 and 5 letter words

 

[daopdesign]

fuckin ******. get fucked x

 

[RosesOfTin]

fuckin ******. Get fucked x

that's the one!!! Ding ding ding!

 

[LollyZ]

Hey stick your tongue out to her when you're taking them away and say "that's from the girls at bnb!"
Your father was quite mischievous huh? My grandpa had Alzheimer's but it wasn't much of a hassle dealing with him, he would just sometimes make things up or get in a "no" mood. The meds really slowed the progression of the disease. Hope it all goes well with the both of you!

 

[dontworry]

Holy shitballs, batman. Who that hell treats someone like that? Who treats tenants (which are basically what the horses are) like that? And honestly, your text was to notify her that you are going through some hard shit and she decides she should play pity party and say that her dad is dying too? Come on now. And you do NOT have to do what she says. That part literally made me lol. What a rude lady. I hope she gets what's coming to her.
I think I would've cussed a lot more were I that one venting about this. I have such a sailor mouth, it's so terrible! I'm proud of you for keeping it clean.

 

[RosesOfTin]

I love you ladies. So much. You have no idea.

LollyZ: My dad makes crap up all the time, a lot about his service record in the military and gets in those no moods an awful lot. His latest claim to fame is getting extremely nasty over absolutely nothing and making wild scenes in public. The latest being tonight at Cracker Barrel. He clearly ordered one thing, pointed it out on the menu etc and was acting rather lucid. Poor kid brought it to him and he flipped out about how he didn't want the sirloin steak, he wanted meatloaf etc etc etc. People stared. I choked. Life went on as usual. I just... Yeah. I don't like it. It's very sad and I don't like the lies he's telling people about the family etc. A lot's been uncovered today.

As far as the BO (barn owner) I'm going to stick my tongue out, announce who it's from and then go to town letting her know EXACTLY what I think of her. That's where DontWorry comes in 100% in synch with my thoughts... again.

She's definitely bi-polar and a sociopath. Her BF of 2 years took off on her earlier this month after DEMANDING she receive mental help for quite awhile. He warned me about her before he left and the dots seriously connected in my brain. She's a snot. Low class Jersey Shore type trash living in Florida and thinking she's some big to-do trainer. I wish the people she name drops in conversations could see the way she keeps her horses when I'm not around. Hell. I have half a mind to send them the same photos I'll be sending my local Animal Care and Control office when I take off.

Sucks for her that in the world of horses and "to-do" trainers I happen to be one, just in a different breed and discipline then she is. But we co-mingle in this world, after all we're all joined at the hip by love of the horse. This chick's just using them as a social platform and is abusing the Hell out of them. You guys should have seen her 15 year old dog and the massive tumor/abscess that was on his face. She refused to treat him or put him out of his misery. He died on the property after collapsing. I could have ripped her throat out myself. I'm an animal lover, an animal rights advocate (not crazy PETA style, I volunteer for Sea Shepherd so I'm to cool kind of "eco-terrorist" I swear) and watching this has killed me inside. I wanted to make it better for these horses. Now I see that there's a lot more going on then I can fix.

Oct 1 can't come soon enough.

Dear god... I've ranted again.

 

[dontworry]

Ranting is good for the soul. Just send out all of bad thoughts and breathe the better ones in.

She honestly does sound like a crackpot. Definitely send those pictures in and put her out of business. It makes me so sad when people treat defenseless animals wrongly. And her poor pup. Breaks my heart!

And I'm not a doctor, nor am I knowledgeable about any medical information besides pregnancy (because I am a freak!), but is there anything they can do to help the dementia be less... hard? Does that make sense? And sorry for sounding like a ****** in advance lol. But I mean are there like exercises or something that could help his memory/whatnot? I don't know how dementia works and should probably Google it so as to stop embarrassing myself already! Lol

 

[RosesOfTin]

Ranting IS good for the soul. Just irks me that I'm wasting any thought or breath or time on her sorry Snooki-wanna-be ass.

She's definitely a crack pot and definitely getting a rude awakening. Part of my job as an animal advocate is shutting down places that hold captive whales and dolphins. How do we do that? We cite them for their code and health and public safety violations and bleed them dry of their revenue that way. Point being that it sucks great big giant donkey nuts for her that I happen to know our county's codes and regulations by heart... Meaning I know all of her property's violations and how to cite her for them and how to document them properly.

I won't feel guilty either, not the way she treated the dog or the 28 year old horse or even her two younger horses or her complete disregard for my horses!

I've asked her for TWO MONTHS to dump their AM feed in their feed bins. All she has to do is dump the bucket over the fence into the bins and set the buckets down on the outside for me to pick up in the PM. What does she do? throws the buckets over the fences into the sand where the horses eat the damned sand that gets attached to their feed... And then they develop colic and can die. It's happened to BOTH of my horses and she considers it an inconvenience to check on them when they're sick. Nut job. She's on my shit list and she's going down hard.

As far as the dementia? I don't even know. The doctor said he couldn't fix it... But I think I read somewhere about mental exercises and ginko or something like that. I'm definitely going to have to look into it more and educate myself. Ask me any question about horses, whales/dolphins/most animals, History, Art, and pregnancy and I know it. Anything else? You may get lucky or you may get a blank stare LOL! I do confess I can be the Queen of Useless Info though.

rawr.

 

[dontworry]

See, that's the way my OH is - he is the best resource for useless information. When we're out driving he just throws things out there that he's read about and I have to go, "WTF, where did you learn that?"
Example:
"Hey Jess, didya know polar bears are left-handed, and left-handed people live shorter lives than right-handed people?" "Um... wtf?" Lol. Typical car ride to work.
Now I know a lot about: spelling/grammar, babies/pregnancy, banking (lmao), movies and celebrities, but not much about anything else. I have somehow convinced my OH that I'm extremely intelligent, however, so let's not ruin that for me.

 

[LollyZ]

Yes, get her out of business! I'm also crazy about animals and it boils my blood to see any kind of mistreatment. Aside from bnb I also am a Best Friends / Guardian Angel addict!

 

[RosesOfTin]

LOL. That's pretty much how car rides go... Or you come home and he'll come to greet you and be like "I heard something interesting today! Did you know that some Lionfish stings are actually Mimic Octopus bluffing their way out of a situation? So it's not really a Lionfish sting, just a bitch slap from an Octopus!" And stuff of the sort. He thinks I'm just so darn smart too. He's the brain. I'm the artist. We work lol!

Yeeeeah she's going to be nailed to the wall and up to her eyebrows in code violations. You're another hero!

 

[dontworry]

Yes, exactly!

 

[sassykay]

Hey, I just wanted to wade in and help you rant a bit, I've said a few British swear words for you (same words but allegedly they sound naughtier in a British accent) and I promise you this ridiculous lady will get her comeuppance. This happens. People do bad things for no reason and eventually they go down. Kapow.

As for your father, I'm sorry to hear about the dementia. My partner's mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about 2 yrs ago. I won't lie, it is hard, but not nearly as bad as I feared and there are things you can do to help, and in our case its been a help to everyone (including the mum) to actually know what's going on. She has medication and we're currently fighting a little battle to get some part time home help for her (because apparently if you have living children who work they ought to shoulder the burden alone - which makes no sense because if they're working they aren't around!). We've found it useful to do research and know what we're entitled to ask for and then be really assertive about getting it. Some service providers are just over stretched and don't mean to let six weeks go by between calls, but just haven't the staff and are grateful for you chasing them.

There has been little decline (in terms of the way the doctors measure it) in two years, thanks to medication, so fingers crossed that your dad has a similar time of it. And although it is worrying, and there are times when she's really confused, you do get used to it and learn how to reassure them quickly and minimise problems. My partner's brother lives with her, he works full time and between him and my partner they manage to look after her fine - she can still be left alone for a morning or afternoon, despite the condition, and it is so far what I would describe as manageable.

Obviously everyone's different, but try not to worry too much - you might find it isn't as awful as it sounds, and that actually treating it will alleviate it quite a bit at least for now.

Meanwhile however, enjoy your little rant (keep having it in your head, I always find that a great stress buster, or while driving, out loud!) and don't let that silly moron get away with it. A little photographic evidence goes a looooooooong way

:Hugs:

xx

 

[RosesOfTin]

I have to say reading that post after the day I've been having (more drama associated with the horses and that bitch) made me feel a lot better. You're very sweet and kind and I'm so sorry to hear about your OH's mum. Unfortunately my dad doesn't just get confused. He gets loud and violent. I wish there was medication that would work on this. Sedatives such as valium do not work on him. It's no picnic

 

[LollyZ]

Hey I'm sorry to hear that.. Is there some kind of treatment that can be tried, like psychotherapy (sp?) or other therapies? Maybe OT? My grandpa used to go to a seniors group and physical therapy that helped him a lot, and he went to a shrink too - when he was more mobile.
My suggestion is not to give up on treatments and search other doctors and drugs, because the first one is not always the one that finds the best course of action. I know this because my father has been seeing shrinks for a big part of his life and he is a hard one to deal with too - so can relate.
Oh, and if things get out of hand try to get help. Don't feel ashamed.

 

[BeeLT]

I'm so sorry for all of your troubles. How horrible! And all at once!

I had staph induced round of cellulitis a few years ago. It was awful. I was still under my dad's military health care at the time, and when the base hospital is closed they tell you to go to the ER. Crazy right? I was happy to wait, because my situation was much less severe than anyone else coming into the ER. My legs were so swollen my feet were tingly. Yikes! They had me prop my feet up in the exam room to help drain the blood, and when the doc came in, he was convinced I was pregnant because my legs were swollen. Never mind the nurse already said it looked like an infection and had noted that I was not pregnant. Awkward!

I hope your dad can find some sort of peace. I can only imagine how hard that must be. Is it possible to involve him in some sort of activities or have a therapy dog visit or something like that?

My dad just got "inconclusive" results from a biopsy. From what they've told me, I think it's a precancerous mass but my dad is all nonchalant about getting it removed and claims to be worried about missing work for recovery time. And yet my mom just told me they are both taking Friday off to pick friends up from the airport. Really? The same guy who can't take time off work to visit his grown kid who lives on the other side of the country and just can't schedule his super important surgery for fear of missing work is taking an entire day off to pick people up from the airport who someone else can pick up? That's a hard pill to swallow!

I won't even start on the BO! What craziness! I'm glad you decided to get the hell out of that place!

I have found BnB to be a great source of support and am starting to view it as a little community. I'm glad you can rant here and that it makes you feel better.

Lots of hugs!
Bee

 

[RosesOfTin]

Thanks girls!

I'm definitely going to try and figure out a better course of action. It's just so damned difficult. I'm looking to pursue my PhD in Marine Bio. That's my ultimate goal and make a strong emphasis on how captivity of marine mammals such as dolphins and whales just really doesn't work etc etc. I've taken basic psychology courses so I know what to expect... It's just hard having to deal with it from him.

Tonight my older brother and his GF came to dinner with us and Dad had one of his tantrums... So I took the experience as the perfect time to address these issues with my brother. His GF is studying to become a social worker so this was nothing new for her and she was actually quite helpful. I'm just beside myself but now my brother, who lives out in LA and sees my father only once in a blue moon, understands what's going on and how hard it is to cope with it etc etc.

It'll be ok. I got my father to agree to going to a shrink with my brother as a witness. This is a good step in the right direction and I'll reassert it on Thursday when big brother will be attending my 24th birthday.


As far as the cellulitis? OMG. I didn't have it that bad. My round of staph induced cellulitis was on my left cheek and made my entire face AND my lymph nodes swell up like balloons. I was even drooling on myself. Having it cut was the best relief ever and it's healing very very nicely. Bactrim and Keflex are amazing antibiotics but I hate their side effects. Bactroban has been VERY useful also.

 

[LollyZ]

It's great to hear that things are a little better!
Don't get me wrong but it was good that your father had a tantrum in front of your brother. It is terrible when they act up alone and in front of doctors / family they are angels.
I hope your father gets better with therapy! It must be hard also for him to be changing like this.