I have to get this out... it still really irritates me!

[k4th]

When LO was born, I was more than a little traumatised. I didn't have a horrendous birth - 18hr labour, 30 mins pushing, 3rd degree tear. It just wasn't quite what I had expected - but then none of us know what to expect before our first do we?

I had to wait 5 hours for a theatre space to have stitches and had a spinal aenasthetic. I hated my canula with a passion! I was stitched at 3am and got no sleep for two nights running due to labour & then waiting for a theatre/watching lo sleep in awe!

I'm over all of that now, I just wanted to set the scene.

Enter FIL & MIL for a visit at 3pm in the hospital. They brought some bits for LO and were understandably very excited to be grandparents (they have 4 children and LO is their first grandchild).

The thing that gets to me is that MIL didn't get us a 'Congratulations on your baby girl' type card - she bought ME (not addressed to OH) a 'Thank-you' card. As in 'thank-you for my grandchild'. She wrote in it how much she had wanted a grandchild & was so pleased it had finally happened to HER!!

I still really resent this, even 6+ months later! I feel like she made it about her when it was about my new baby & me/OH becoming parents. I was still in hospital and focused on my/OH's experiences & just didn't see the need for bringing a card like that.

We don't see her often - but whenever I see her with LO I want to snatch her back and say 'I didn't have her for you!!!!'.

I know in my head that this is crazy but emotionally I have such a strong reaction to her with LO. I keep quiet about it & OH would be really upset if he knew I felt this way. I just had to get it out.

Did anyone else get a thank-you card? Am I being ridiculous?? I know she was probably trying to be nice - but it just seems so wrong!

 

[xxClaire_24xx]

aw I think thats a lovely idea TBH but I dont your MIL, does she normally make things all about her x

 

[patch2006uk]

That does sound strange! It's not quite the same, but my parents and grandparents were given cards when LO was born congratulating them on their new grandchild and great grandchild, which bugged me cos I felt like death after the c-section and my nipples were raw, and they were being congratulated and not me.

Actually, now I think about it, I was given a card from my nan that said thank you for the new baby. It is weird and not the right sentiment IMO. Although, my nan's was a printed card, so someone somewhere obviously thinks they're a good idea!

I'm not sure what you can say to your MIL, but you're not alone in the having received weird cards!

 

[k4th]

aw I think thats a lovely idea TBH but I dont your MIL, does she normally make things all about her x

Yes, she does make most things about her. She didn't even say congratulations to me. I felt like I was the 'vessel' that brought her grandchild to her. Like I didn't matter really

 

[Lawhra]

I actually think it's quite nice, but only if it was alongside a congratulations card for you. As everyone has different views maybe she thought she was being nice by being grateful for her first grandchild.
Sorry you're still upset by it, for your sanity it may be time to let it go. Chalk it up to a super excited grand parent being a little absent minded.

 

[xxClaire_24xx]

aw I think thats a lovely idea TBH but I dont your MIL, does she normally make things all about her x

Yes, she does make most things about her. She didn't even say congratulations to me. I felt like I was the 'vessel' that brought her grandchild to her. Like I didn't matter really

well thats diff then!! I too had a section and lost 5 pint of blood and the spinal wore of I struggled through the pain til I seen my baby came out healthy, she was born at 33 weeks (long story) and we were told 3 times to termintate the pregnancy cause she would survive!!! then I was out to sleep and woke up in high dependancy, anyway all our families were great and were happy we were both doing good and I would have felt like shit it they came and seen Ellie in special care and not me lol

 

[Lawhra]

aw I think thats a lovely idea TBH but I dont your MIL, does she normally make things all about her x

Yes, she does make most things about her. She didn't even say congratulations to me. I felt like I was the 'vessel' that brought her grandchild to her. Like I didn't matter really

Saw this after my reply. I can understand why you're upset by that. Did you get on before baby was born?

 

[Lettuce]

A little odd perhaps... Def a little odd. Maybe trying to be nice, but hitting the wrong note! I felt like the incubator during my pregnancy sometimes, tho she's been a bit better since Jen arrived.
Actually, none of the grandparents got me any card at all!
Patch, I hear ya! My mums and mil's house was filled with congratulations cards and flowers.... I got one bunch. From oh's cousin. Tho Jenny got thousands of cards and presents!
Anyway Xxxx

 

[k4th]

aw I think thats a lovely idea TBH but I dont your MIL, does she normally make things all about her x

Yes, she does make most things about her. She didn't even say congratulations to me. I felt like I was the 'vessel' that brought her grandchild to her. Like I didn't matter really

Saw this after my reply. I can understand why you're upset by that. Did you get on before baby was born?

We got on okay - not best friends by any stretch & I would only see her with OH, I didn't ever pop round for a cup of tea etc. So we're not close, but were definitely more than just civil iykwim?

Maybe it was just misguided, but it made me feel awful. It has certainly affected our relationship since. If a friend had not congratulated me I would have been furious and would have had it out with them, but being OH's mum & they are SO close, I don't want to rock the boat. I don't want my baby to know either, I want her to love both sets of grandparents & enjoy relationships with both of them. I think if I said anything to her, she'd make such a fuss it would be hard work to try & let it go.

Not that it's easy now but...

 

[georgebaby1]

I think thankyou is the wrong sentiment it should be congratulations