I have to say something... About men...

Discussion in 'General Chatter' started by Seraphim, Sep 2, 2009.

  1. Seraphim

    Seraphim Amazing Baby Girl

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    I've got to say it otherwise I might just burst.

    I am really really sad to read so many posts on BnB talking in the most undeservedly disrespectful terms about men.

    If I overheard or read men talking about women in the same way I would be repulsed... and I think most of you would be too.

    I know we all get frustrated, hurt, and taken for granted... and some times we need to let off steam - But that's not what I'm talking about really. I'm talking about the references to 'take him for every penny' and jumping in on some upset womans request for help with 'men are *******s'. Laying into someone else's OH with all the names under the sun when nobody but the OP knows him, especially when she is often still in love and committed to him.

    We do not own our partners any more than they own us.

    I should probably leave it there before I write anything too inflamatory, but it would be really nice if all the flipant man-bashing took a rest.
     
  2. x_Rainbow_x

    x_Rainbow_x Well-Known Member

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    Erm.. i wanna word this so i dount sound nasty or rude because i noway intentially mean it.. people write heated thread about there partners.. people responde. people dont responde because they feel like it or because they wanna boose there post count, they post because they no the situation because they speak to that person on other places or no the story from here, there friends with the person who wrote it and can feel the pain of these people.
    I can understand if you dont feel comfortable with people speaking like this of others but its only the place of the thread starter to say if they dont like comments made about there OH.

    I guess its the case of if you no whats gunna be in a certain thread and you no you wont like it then to steer clear of it. best way i guess.
     
  3. MummyCat

    MummyCat Cath & her 2 princesses

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    Hun... I know what you mean.... but saying that... a lot of what I see is not as strong as what you've described... some Mums will sometimes have a moan when they feel like they're doing all the hard work! I have come on here before and moaned that my wonderful hubby (who's currently playing with Lottie!) struggled to understand that I need a break sometimes and was frustrated that he didn't get that! I did the whole.... Men *sigh* what are they like.... but I agree that when people need support, swearing at/about their OH is in no way helpful.

    I've read some threads on BnB that make me cringe at the thought that a man might read them. They'd think we're a right bunch of witches! xx
     
  4. jackiea85

    jackiea85 Mum of 2 boys

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    I can understand what you are saying and I wouldn't say those things about my OH coz he really doesn't deserve it, but after reading some of the stories on here about what some men have done to their partners, especially when pregnant or after having their child, I am really not surprised some women use derogatery (sp?) terms for some men. I don't think they mean it about all men x
     
  5. lozzy21

    lozzy21 Mummy to Niamh

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    All of us have a moan but after reading some of the threads about some people's OH'S or EX'S they certainly deserve the things we say about them. We have followed there stories from the beggining and thinking of a few people's OH i would love to smash there faces in.


    If the OP did not want us to say anything bad about there OH they would not post it in the first place.
     
  6. Sarahkka

    Sarahkka Mama to Two Fine Boys!

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    Seraphim, I know where you are coming from and I agree with you. I think it's important to remember that a lot of these things are said because there is a big build-up of emotion behind them. I try to take it in context that way.
    I also feel like it can be a very girlfriend thing to do to stick up for your friends.
    The language chosen is often immature, but the sentiment is support.
    To be fair, when I describe some of the stories of desertion or abuse (from men, obviously) that I've read to my OH, he says, "jerks".
    But I also agree that it's ridiculous and disrespectful to lump all men in to the same category, even when we are spitting mad.
     
  7. lozzy21

    lozzy21 Mummy to Niamh

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    My OH has called some of them a lot worse than "jerks" often matching the words some of us have used.
     
  8. Seraphim

    Seraphim Amazing Baby Girl

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    Hey, I suppose I knew I couldn't fit all of my thoughts into what I tried to keep short ;)

    Tracie, I totally get what you're saying, and although I sometimes think things can be a little harsh in those threads - the posters are normally friends with eachother and know better than I do ;)

    I don't want to make anything upsetting or mean by referring to things directly... but I really mean above and beyond the venting... I'm not referring those kind.
     
  9. x_Rainbow_x

    x_Rainbow_x Well-Known Member

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    People say things, its up to them what they say freedom of speach like i said its up to whoever started the thread to say if they find it unappropriate nobody else. you cant judge people on what they say. like i said there may be a deeper story that others no that you dont.

    edit: you replyed b4 i did lol... wasnt in responce to yours tho lol
     
  10. Zarababy1

    Zarababy1 4 boys. TTC #5

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    Every ones got a right to moan about there OH and every woman does it most of the men Women talk about in a bad way on here have been "jerks" To be polite, and as has been mentioned no one would post about it if they didnt want too share.
    As for not noing them well i know more than one persons OH personly on here and iv called them both names when they've deserved it as for other peoples OH's and Ex's well if there moaning about them and telling the bad stuff all the time then its too be expected.
    Anyway IMO this thread was quite clearly started to get a rise out of people so i will leave it at that!
     
  11. Sarahkka

    Sarahkka Mama to Two Fine Boys!

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    I don't think so. I think Seraphim does have a point and it doesn't hurt any of us to have a reminder to be a little kinder or more respectful, even when we are really upset by something. We all take it too far, sometimes. I wasn't at all offended by her post.
     
  12. Seraphim

    Seraphim Amazing Baby Girl

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    Hmm ok.

    I've obviously made very little sense, because all the replies so far have been in reference to the type of comments I'm not talking about :)

    I'm talking about suggestions to stay in an unhappy marriage until a tide of money arrives, and then to leave... about lying to husbands, spending their money like it's all theyre good for... But I'm possibly one of the few that's noticed.

    Nevermind.
     
  13. Seraphim

    Seraphim Amazing Baby Girl

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    Zara, no it very much wasn't.

    I started the thread because it made me really sad to hear things which I would deem to be abusive, manipulative or disrespectful. And I felt that if people were to reflect on how it might be to hear a man say the same things about a woman, they might... I dunno, do it less.

    You've misunderstood, or I've miscommunicated. But what you're saying here is definitely wrong and unfair.
     
  14. Blah11

    Blah11 ☼ Mummy to Amelie ☼

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    Some of the girls OHs on here treat them disgusting. In those cases, I will tell them to leave and that their OHs are vile. :shrug:
     
  15. Blah11

    Blah11 ☼ Mummy to Amelie ☼

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    I've not seen any threads like this so there must be very few of them :shrug:
     
  16. Sovereign

    Sovereign Well-Known Member

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    I understand what you're trying to say hun! x
     
  17. I understand exactly what you mean. I dont think its about useless husbands or having a little moan that they arent doing enough.

    I see a lot of double standards. Its ok for women to talk about controlling men and having 'rules'. He isnt allowed to do this or that. But if it was the other way around you would say it was out of order. Thats just one example.
     
  18. Jkelmum

    Jkelmum Well-Known Member

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    If u dont like it dont respond
     
  19. Jkelmum

    Jkelmum Well-Known Member

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    On that one thread he had cheated on her twice and although i told her to forget the money i do see why people would say otherwise
     
  20. booflebump

    booflebump Mummy to Toby

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    I get it. I really do. But I think sometimes its a case of 'type out a flippant comment or insult' to try and express that they sympathise with the OP, when they are quite confined to how much they can actually do to help

    x
     

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