I haven't posted in a very long time.

[dakotadawn]

Hello all!

I have not been on here in over a year, and right now I think this is the exact place I need to be. The last time I was on here I was engaged, had a house, and we were NTNP. He and I ended up going our separate ways, and shortly after I found out I was expecting, but it didn't look too good. It in fact did not last past 7 weeks. I only knew I was expecting for three days before it was taken from me... and he didn't believe me, and I only told a few friends. Nobody knows to this day.

A little over a year later, and here I am! I have an incredible new boyfriend I've been seeing for 13 months, and he is absolutely the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have enrolled back in to school, and he and I are living 100 miles apart while he goes to his university too. We plan on moving in together in May when I graduate. He wants kids... but not for years. like... 8. or so.

I can handle putting off having children for a few years, that isn't my first concern. My concern is my little cousin just married in August and is now expecting and I'm not taking the news too lightly. How do I keep these jealousies and frustrations from consuming me? I have absolutely no single(unmarried) and childless friends now. I know nobody without a husband/wife and children... Help me.

 

[tverb84]

Eight years is a long time. I don't have any children and have no clue when I'll have them.Hopefully it'll happen before it's too late.

 

[MrsMandy]

Oh honey thats a rough situation to be in.
I think maybe just be honest with yourself and acknowledge that, Yes, you are having these feelings but, most importantly, that is is entirely natural to have these feelings.
I think its just something that you'll work through in your own time. Have you got plenty to keep you occupied until may, that can help keep your mind off this?

Dont forget too that everyone is jealous of someone - i'm sure there's some of your friends with children are a bit jealous of your life on occasion too!!

Easier said than done I know but try to stop dwelling on it and throw yourself into something exciting!!

 

[Caite]

Dakotadawn, I'm so sorry for your loss last year but I'm glad things seem to be looking up for you now.

8 years is a long time. Maybe, when you're living together, he'll change his mind and be ready to be a dad sooner.

I don't really know what to suggest about your cousin.

 

[Yo_Yo]

Hi,
First of all, sorry about your pregnancy loss. That must have been hard for you.

I'm glad you met someone new and so nice.

I'd discuss with him why he wants to wait so long, but at the same time enjoy your relationship and use this time to make your lives perfect for having a baby.

 

[dakotadawn]

I don't know exactly that it will be 8 years, but we have talked about it. He is trying to get in to med school, and as of right now he doesn't want children while he's in school. I'm back in college again, so I totally understand why he doesn't want that responsibility any time soon. I'm fine with that.

I think he will come around sooner or later. We aren't officially engaged yet. He keeps telling me we are getting married, he is marrying me and so on. He's given me a ring and all that (he's a jewelry giver. I'm not complaining!). He just wants to wait until we can afford it, and are living together and whatnot. So I'm sure he will come around eventually, and I'm willing to compromise because he is the first person to treat me like a human being.

I was so afraid of being jealous, but yesterday he told me I'm allowed to be. He said that he knows I want children right now whether I'll admit it or not, and that he's fine with that. None of my family knows of my loss, and nobody really cared that I was ever engaged to my ex. So it is really hard when they are so excited for other family members when none of them were ever excited for me. My boyfriend knows this, and he is extremely kind and understanding about it. I just have to deal with these feelings and some days it gets the best of me.

 

[Loobs]

So sorry for your loss not a nice situation at all.

I have been experiencing this jealousy a lot recently, a colleague who is close to my age announced she is pregnant last week. She is due just before my wedding in May. I can't help feeling jealous! I don't think I've ever felt jealous like this before and it has totally taken me by surprise.

I find it useful to think of the things that would make her jealous of me (difficult!!) but when she is in labour I'll either be close to getting married, getting married or jetting off on our honeymoon. All those sleepless nights, nappies etc - I'll be travelling and enjoying the beginning of our married life. She isn't married and is quite a control freak with regards to her body and diet so I think she will struggle with that aspect of pregnancy too.

It helps sometimes! As someone said above, I'm sure your friends are jealous of you and your life on occasion! Just remember that you're waiting for a reason, and when it all comes together it'll be perfect X

 

[dakotadawn]

Also, I'm so stressed out right now on top of everything. I am in cosmetology school 40 hours a week, and my classmates all dropped out. I'm there alone all week, and I have nobody to talk to. I work 30 hours a week on top of school and absolutely hate my job. I won't go in to details about it, but I don't talk to anybody at work either. So I just go to school alone, work alone, live alone in a town where I know absolutely nobody...

My social life consists of Facebook and texting/ skyping my boyfriend.

I've had a lot of health problems for the last three years, and I've been through 16 doctors. I've finally found one that is doing a lot of testing on me this week and I'm scared. She thinks I may have PCOS, but more importantly there is something wrong with my pituitary gland. My hormone levels are so absolutely haywire, and I have a bunch of steroids and blood tests to do this week. I'm scared I'll never have children.

 

[B Michaelson]

I am very sorry for your loss.

8 years IS a long time. I had to wait 8 years after my first loss for DH to be ready. To be honest the 8 years sucked, but the months we had to stop ttc after we finally started were the hardest (6 months ended in May and now 2-3 months for my last loss).

It is so hard not to be jealous. ALL my friends have kids who are over 5 and many are even done having their families and we are still waiting/trying.

It sounds like you are in a great relationship now and you will have some time to develop that more before ttc. DH and I developed an amazing love for each other over the 8 years and it will make getting our family even sweeter.

That said, there is never a 'right time'. The uncertainty of not knowing when it will happen is frustrating but I think it's the only thing that got me through the 8 years. I always thought, maybe this is the year, so I was hopeful instead of upset.

Seeing everyone else around you grow a family does not get easier though. Just know you will get there...