I need a hug :(

[Experiment13]

Tomorrow will be 12 weeks since my son was born and through all the initial trials we managed to keep breastfeeding. Now I am at my newest hurdle: I am back to working full-time and I am away from him for 11 hours/day. Like that is not depressing enough I worry about what I am producing while I am gone and what he eats. I pump up to 9 times a day (some at work, some at home) just to have enough for him to eat while I am gone for work. I also feed him all evening and night (he stopped his fussing at the breast in the evenings just before I went back to work). I would reduce his bottle intake during the day but his weight gain is already low so I feed him whatever he wants whenever he wants. My supply is only about right after all the pumping, feeding, supplements, oats, lactation-friendly diet, water intake, double electric pump, skin-on-skin, and a lot of support. A normal woman would have an oversupply by now but I have just enough. This is all the effort I can put into it - there is nothing more I can do. And that, my breastfeeding buddies, very depressing. I can't pump more at work - 4 times is already too much for the type of work I do. I would have to stop sleeping all together to pump more at home - and unfortunately, with an hour commute and a high-responsibility job I just can't afford to do that. I spend about 40 hours a week pumping, breastfeeding and handling pumping/feeding supplies and bottles. Husband is also as insane with all his stuff + helping with baby that he can't spare a minute. We have both grandmas helping and I am still struggling.

What's a girl to do? Does anyone have any ideas? Never has something tested my confidence (not even boys in highschool ) like breastfeeding. I can't quit my job, I can't go part-time and I feel like I've done everything under the sun to have enough milk for him. Everyone tells me I am doing great, baby is doing great but I still feel like I am failing. There will also be three of us pumping to one pumping room in about 2 weeks and with all the meetings and work I need to do, it will be hard keeping little I have. But I would rather shoot myself then quit.

Sorry, just feeling sorry for myself today. And missing my little guy.

 

[tabitha561]

So sorry things will get better sounds like your pumping and feeding enough it might take awhile to get supply up

 

[moomin momma]

Not sure I can give you any advice but just want to say how much I admire your efforts, what you're doing for your little one is just amazing. I'm going back to work in 6 weeks, LO will be 7 months and think it's going to be tough, but it won't be anywhere near as hard as it sounds like you have it. Wish I could offer some advice

 

[T-Bex]

Hope you feel better soon. It's hard being a mummy, sometimes.

 

[Experiment13]

Thank you ladies. We'll keep on keeping on.

 

[kerrie24]

You really are a commited momma,well done you are doing soooo well!!

 

[Luzelle]

I think you are amazing, and are doing the very best you can for your baby. I'm sure that whatever you decide to do in the long run will only be in the best interest of your little one and your family. Good luck!

 

[Experiment13]

Thank you so much. I am aiming to keep this going for another four months and then see with the possible solids introduction if it will be possible to bf longer; have no idea what will happen then. I am aware that many women would have quit a long time ago and that I am particularly a stubborn and determined one. I am also absolutely in love with nursing and that's what keeps me going.