I need help... Now. /:

[munchkinkidd]

Hi all. I'm in a bit of a bind... Turns out my ex fiancee isn't my FOB. I know, I know. I'm stupid. We had broken up mid '10, and I found someone else. He's a bit younger than me, and he's the father. I went back and backtracked- I got pregnant in April, which is the first time we had sex, and he was the only one I had sex with at that time. Then my ex fiancee and I got back together in May after FOB and I broke up. Had sex mid-May. There's no way he's the father. I've checked all of my dates, and Zander's GA. Well.. I let my FOB know I was pregnant when I first suspected, but didn't claim he was his- I thought Z was ex fiancee's. Well, he denied him over and over without me accusing him. So we stopped talking because I was tired of his immaturity, etc. Well.. upon realizing Zander IS Kyle's, I let him know. And now, suddenly, he wants to be in our lives, when he denied him to begin with without me saying anything, and just randomly shows up when Zander's almost due? Idfts. I've been doing this alone for months, other than my family, and I'm doing just fine. ZANDER is doing just fine. I don't need OR want him. He randomly started texting me out of nowhere, and then flat out asked who the FOB is. I told him, and I also told him I'm going to be a single parent until I find my OH, and Zander and I will be just fine that way. Everything was fine and dandy, I told him he could still see Z and all, etc. We were getting along just fine. Well, he added me on FB again. I looked at his page...... Turns out, he's drinking again, and on probation. HE'S 16! That's RIDICULOUS. And all he posts ONLINE about, is someone going and buying him some booze, or coming to share a bottle, that type of thing. He's got a PO and has to have random tests and has failed at least one that I know of. Well.. He was drunk last night, and we were talking about Zander, and I found out he was shitfaced. I pretty much told him that he screwed himself over doing that when it comes to Zander. I don't want him near him, at all. Well, I never flat out said he couldn't see him or anything. Then he starts going on and on about how I'm not going to keep him from his child, that he'll take me to court for custody, he had already talked to PO about it and if things weren't settled by Monday she'd order a paternity test, etc. (keep in mind this is at like.. 3 a.m. so I'm not sure how he had "already spoken to her") I'm sitting here like "Really..? You're gonna try to fight me, a fit parent, for custody....." Idiot. ANYWAYS. I know he wouldn't really win, I mean, come on. He's a 16 year old guy, with a PO, has a drinking/drug/cigarette problem, and is suicidally depressed and cuts and all. (WTF was I thinking........... ) Well, he lied to me over and over last night saying that last night was the first time he had anything to drink since we broke up, etc. Bullshit. He posts all the time about being drunk and smoking/lighting up/etc, his friends told me that was a lie and he drinks all the time, and that his PO was because he was caught in possession, not ordered by his mom like he told me. Lies, lies, lies all the way around. Anyway. I don't know WHAT the fuck to do. I'm making myself pure sick because I'm so worried. My family still doesn't know he's FOB, and I want to keep it that way. I just don't know what to do... I'm not going after child support, not putting him on BC, any of that. I'm willing to let him see Zander as long as he straightens his act up and as long as I'm present the entire time. But I don't know if he'd really try and take me to court or not. I mean.. he's 16. He's an idiot, and he'd only screw himself over with the court system to see Z because of his habits and all of that. I guess basically I'm just asking is there anything I can really do? All I want is what's best for my son. And FOB is definitely NOT it. What choices do I have, if any? I don't want to involve any type of legal action if at all possible. And he's being bipolar and saying he doesn't either, then says he'll fight me. WTF. >.>

Anyways... After that long ass post.. Sorry bout that. I just really don't know what to do. On the one hand, I want my son to know his father. On the other, he's COMPLETELY unfit to be a father. None of this is out of spite from me though. I just want to protect my son... And hopefully keep my family from finding out because of age differences and all- that'd be bad... I'll be 18 in March. He'll be 17 in May. I know. I'm completely stupid. >.>
Someone please help. I don't know what to do, and I'm absolutely at my wit's end freaking out. I've never had a bigger regret than telling him about Zander.......
Or bring me FOB's head on a silver platter. That'd be even better. Then I wouldn't have to worry about it.

 

[Miss_Quirky]

Oh wow O.O...That's quite the situation I didn't wanna R&R though, so I'll give you my opinion. I'd give him an option--shape up or there is NO way he is knowing his son. Smoke and alcohol is SO bad for babies, too--it gets into your skin, hair, and nails even when it's been hours after you've smoked and can cause Zander to have rashes or possibly absorb it through his skin because it's so sensitive and that's no good.
He can know his son when he can be a dad (imo), simple.

As to the age thing, I don't know about where you live but in California if the age difference is within two years it is legal, and if it is within four years and there is no sexual acts then that is also legal. Since your ages are so close, I doubt it would be a problem other than his immaturity.

I do hope things work out for you, PM me if you ever wanna talk!

 

[stephx]

Tbf he just sounds like an immature 16 yo boy BUT Zanders not here yet, men often change once the babies actually here.

Dont stress over it, let him have supervised access untill he proves himself? Zander still gets to see his dad and hopefully it makes FOB grow up abit x

 

[munchkinkidd]

Oh wow O.O...That's quite the situation I didn't wanna R&R though, so I'll give you my opinion. I'd give him an option--shape up or there is NO way he is knowing his son. Smoke and alcohol is SO bad for babies, too--it gets into your skin, hair, and nails even when it's been hours after you've smoked and can cause Zander to have rashes or possibly absorb it through his skin because it's so sensitive and that's no good.
He can know his son when he can be a dad (imo), simple.

As to the age thing, I don't know about where you live but in California if the age difference is within two years it is legal, and if it is within four years and there is no sexual acts then that is also legal. Since your ages are so close, I doubt it would be a problem other than his immaturity.

I do hope things work out for you, PM me if you ever wanna talk!

I've tried to tell him that about it being bad for babies. And I'm not willing to risk my son's health like that. He shouldn't be either. He keeps telling all of his friends (even before he knew about Zander) that he wouldn't be like his dad, he'd be better, etc. And now that he knows about him, he goes off and gets drunk? That's pretty much JUST like what he said his dad did. He never knew his dad and apparently he died a few months back. So sorry, I know the feeling. At least he got to meet his; mine died and never wanted me and never met me. And I'm perfectly happy with that. I've LOVED it being just me and my mom my whole life. We're so close. My mom truly is my best friend.
But that doesn't mean I'm not terrified to try and tell her FOB is different... I mean, it's not like I lied intentionally! But I still just.. Idk. I have a bad feeling about it. And apparently I need to learn to trust those instincts! I had a bad feelign about telling Kyle, and turns out it was right. /:

 

[munchkinkidd]

Tbf he just sounds like an immature 16 yo boy BUT Zanders not here yet, men often change once the babies actually here.

Dont stress over it, let him have supervised access untill he proves himself? Zander still gets to see his dad and hopefully it makes FOB grow up abit x

If he's not here by the 24th, he will be by the 27th/28th... I'm due Saturday and keep having contractions and lost my plug, so we'll see. That's why I'm so worried, I guess. I'm out of time and have no clue what choices I really have. Imo, he's proven he's not ready to be a daddy at all. I want him to have the chance, but I'm not prepared to risk my son for that at the same time.

 

[Miss_Quirky]

Oh wow O.O...That's quite the situation I didn't wanna R&R though, so I'll give you my opinion. I'd give him an option--shape up or there is NO way he is knowing his son. Smoke and alcohol is SO bad for babies, too--it gets into your skin, hair, and nails even when it's been hours after you've smoked and can cause Zander to have rashes or possibly absorb it through his skin because it's so sensitive and that's no good.
He can know his son when he can be a dad (imo), simple.

As to the age thing, I don't know about where you live but in California if the age difference is within two years it is legal, and if it is within four years and there is no sexual acts then that is also legal. Since your ages are so close, I doubt it would be a problem other than his immaturity.

I do hope things work out for you, PM me if you ever wanna talk!

I've tried to tell him that about it being bad for babies. And I'm not willing to risk my son's health like that. He shouldn't be either. He keeps telling all of his friends (even before he knew about Zander) that he wouldn't be like his dad, he'd be better, etc. And now that he knows about him, he goes off and gets drunk? That's pretty much JUST like what he said his dad did. He never knew his dad and apparently he died a few months back. So sorry, I know the feeling. At least he got to meet his; mine died and never wanted me and never met me. And I'm perfectly happy with that. I've LOVED it being just me and my mom my whole life. We're so close. My mom truly is my best friend.
But that doesn't mean I'm not terrified to try and tell her FOB is different... I mean, it's not like I lied intentionally! But I still just.. Idk. I have a bad feeling about it. And apparently I need to learn to trust those instincts! I had a bad feelign about telling Kyle, and turns out it was right. /:

:/ I understand, my dad passed before I was even 2. Me and my mum were close most of my life, but it doesn't make things like this any easier. With the FOB I'd sit down with him and talk to him to lay down rules. Tell him that THAT is his chance to show you that he won't be like his dad.

As for talking to your Mum, I'd tell her you made a mistake. It sounds like FOB was your rebound when you and your ex broke up, and once you did the math you think it's him. You can always do DNA testing afterwards to know for sure, if it would make her or yourself feel better.

 

[jay004]

Oooh man, my heart breaks for you.

In the end, you ARE Zander's mother and protector. It is YOUR decision whether or not you allow his clearly unfit father in his life.

With me and my ex-boyfriend (FOB), I am also not putting him on the birth certificate. I worry my son will resent me for keeping him out of his life, but I decided that when my son wants to meet or know his father then I will have no problem or object in anyway.

Honestly, the 16-year-old boy will do one of two things
1) Realize being a dad is too hard for him and peace out (which I would assume to be the case, as people like him do that kinda stuff every single day)

or
2) Realize being a dad is the best thing that could ever happen and change his ways.

That is HIS choice. The only thing you can do is keep your sweet little boy out of harms way right now.

So just relax, take a deep breath and do what you have done this whole time by doing what you gotta do to make sure zander is healthy and happy.

Good luck.

 

[munchkinkidd]

Oh wow O.O...That's quite the situation I didn't wanna R&R though, so I'll give you my opinion. I'd give him an option--shape up or there is NO way he is knowing his son. Smoke and alcohol is SO bad for babies, too--it gets into your skin, hair, and nails even when it's been hours after you've smoked and can cause Zander to have rashes or possibly absorb it through his skin because it's so sensitive and that's no good.
He can know his son when he can be a dad (imo), simple.

As to the age thing, I don't know about where you live but in California if the age difference is within two years it is legal, and if it is within four years and there is no sexual acts then that is also legal. Since your ages are so close, I doubt it would be a problem other than his immaturity.

I do hope things work out for you, PM me if you ever wanna talk!

I've tried to tell him that about it being bad for babies. And I'm not willing to risk my son's health like that. He shouldn't be either. He keeps telling all of his friends (even before he knew about Zander) that he wouldn't be like his dad, he'd be better, etc. And now that he knows about him, he goes off and gets drunk? That's pretty much JUST like what he said his dad did. He never knew his dad and apparently he died a few months back. So sorry, I know the feeling. At least he got to meet his; mine died and never wanted me and never met me. And I'm perfectly happy with that. I've LOVED it being just me and my mom my whole life. We're so close. My mom truly is my best friend.
But that doesn't mean I'm not terrified to try and tell her FOB is different... I mean, it's not like I lied intentionally! But I still just.. Idk. I have a bad feeling about it. And apparently I need to learn to trust those instincts! I had a bad feelign about telling Kyle, and turns out it was right. /:

:/ I understand, my dad passed before I was even 2. Me and my mum were close most of my life, but it doesn't make things like this any easier. With the FOB I'd sit down with him and talk to him to lay down rules. Tell him that THAT is his chance to show you that he won't be like his dad.

As for talking to your Mum, I'd tell her you made a mistake. It sounds like FOB was your rebound when you and your ex broke up, and once you did the math you think it's him. You can always do DNA testing afterwards to know for sure, if it would make her or yourself feel better.

I haven't even seen FOB since April when we broke up. He was cutting again and my family saw and I decided that that was that- I couldn't take it anymore, because he was making ME depressed again, and I was just getting back on my own two feet. I've been great up until he showed up again... No depression or anything. Now, I can't stop crying and worrying.

I did all the math and triple checked- there's no doubt in my mind he's FOB.

 

[munchkinkidd]

Oooh man, my heart breaks for you.

In the end, you ARE Zander's mother and protector. It is YOUR decision whether or not you allow his clearly unfit father in his life.

With me and my ex-boyfriend (FOB), I am also not putting him on the birth certificate. I worry my son will resent me for keeping him out of his life, but I decided that when my son wants to meet or know his father then I will have no problem or object in anyway.

Honestly, the 16-year-old boy will do one of two things
1) Realize being a dad is too hard for him and peace out (which I would assume to be the case, as people like him do that kinda stuff every single day)

or
2) Realize being a dad is the best thing that could ever happen and change his ways.

That is HIS choice. The only thing you can do is keep your sweet little boy out of harms way right now.

So just relax, take a deep breath and do what you have done this whole time by doing what you gotta do to make sure zander is healthy and happy.

Good luck.

I'm scared he'll involve the court system though, and trust me- in AL they're screwed up. They've screwed me and my mom over SO many times with SS from my dad after he passed and all of that, and they kept telling me it'd be almost impossible for me to get into college. Why, idk. But they've screwed things up for us so many times. I don't want that for him. /:

I don't want him near Z, like.. ever if it was possible. I've known him for years- he won't change. Not unless he's been replaced with a pod person. He's one of those people who isn't happy unless he's making someone else miserable and all. Found that part out too late.....

 

[jay004]

I know exactly what you mean as I am hoping my FOB just butts the hell out and never contacts us.

If he were to go to court with you (which honestly, do you think he will do something like that? if you don't put him on the birth certificate it would cost him LOADS of cash $$$ to even get a court order and prove he is Zander's biological father, let alone go through a custody battle) BUT if he does... you have every single advantage over him. If I were you, I would begin saving pictures of him drinking, cutting, whatever you can find. Every text from him with threats or anything- I would save them. And that is just incase he doesn't walk into that court room and act like an idiot himself. The courts will likely not grant him any unsupervised custody.

But until that sorta thing happens, you just gotta keep calm and keep your chin up- it's all you can do right now.

This is what I plan on doing through out the rest of my pregnancy. It's not easy, but it's just what we gotta do- ya know?

 

[lil_mama_415]

anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad

 

[blamesydney]

Oooh man, my heart breaks for you.

In the end, you ARE Zander's mother and protector. It is YOUR decision whether or not you allow his clearly unfit father in his life.

With me and my ex-boyfriend (FOB), I am also not putting him on the birth certificate. I worry my son will resent me for keeping him out of his life, but I decided that when my son wants to meet or know his father then I will have no problem or object in anyway.

Honestly, the 16-year-old boy will do one of two things
1) Realize being a dad is too hard for him and peace out (which I would assume to be the case, as people like him do that kinda stuff every single day)

or
2) Realize being a dad is the best thing that could ever happen and change his ways.

That is HIS choice. The only thing you can do is keep your sweet little boy out of harms way right now.

So just relax, take a deep breath and do what you have done this whole time by doing what you gotta do to make sure zander is healthy and happy.

Good luck.

I'm scared he'll involve the court system though, and trust me- in AL they're screwed up. They've screwed me and my mom over SO many times with SS from my dad after he passed and all of that, and they kept telling me it'd be almost impossible for me to get into college. Why, idk. But they've screwed things up for us so many times. I don't want that for him. /:

I don't want him near Z, like.. ever if it was possible. I've known him for years- he won't change. Not unless he's been replaced with a pod person. He's one of those people who isn't happy unless he's making someone else miserable and all. Found that part out too late.....

Look, I live in Alabama too, and before me and FOB became friends and decided to coparent, I had to talk to a lawyer about him taking me to court. The legal system IS pretty messed up around here, but it actually works in OUR favor in this situation. Unless you are abusive and neglectful, the child will never be taken away from the mother. Expecially if you have family support and a place to live. It's almost impossible for the dad to win custody here AND in Georgia (as I live right by the Georgia border, and FOB lives in Georgia, so I had to check for both) and the fact that you're older then him even solidifies that.

Hope I helped.

 

[munchkinkidd]

I know exactly what you mean as I am hoping my FOB just butts the hell out and never contacts us.

If he were to go to court with you (which honestly, do you think he will do something like that? if you don't put him on the birth certificate it would cost him LOADS of cash $$$ to even get a court order and prove he is Zander's biological father, let alone go through a custody battle) BUT if he does... you have every single advantage over him. If I were you, I would begin saving pictures of him drinking, cutting, whatever you can find. Every text from him with threats or anything- I would save them. And that is just incase he doesn't walk into that court room and act like an idiot himself. The courts will likely not grant him any unsupervised custody.

But until that sorta thing happens, you just gotta keep calm and keep your chin up- it's all you can do right now.

This is what I plan on doing through out the rest of my pregnancy. It's not easy, but it's just what we gotta do- ya know?

I wish he'd fall off the dang planet..... Or that there was something/some way I could get a RO or something against him. /:

I want to think he wouldn't put forth the effort or money or anything, but then again, I don't know because this is his first child. I don't really have pictures of him drinking or anything- I don't hang out with him or anything. Maybe I can get one of my friends that hangs out with him to get stuff for me if need be..? Idk. I DO know it's on fb where he's posted that he was drunk, and all of that, and apparently he carved a pentacle into his arm with a knife and turned it into a tattoo?
But if what I understood is correct and he DOES try to order a test and all, he'd have to foot the bill and court bills, and he'd have to pay for the test and if what I read is correct, they're $1000+ and won't release results until it's been paid for in full. Idk if that's fact or not. I'm probably going to wind up calling my social worker or someone tomorrow and finding out all of that for sure. I just want to go back to the way it was even two weeks ago... He literally JUST showed back up like last week, and suddenly wants to play daddy. And saying he wants to make it work as a family. Uh, NO? There was a REASON I left your sorry butt!

 

[munchkinkidd]

Oooh man, my heart breaks for you.

In the end, you ARE Zander's mother and protector. It is YOUR decision whether or not you allow his clearly unfit father in his life.

With me and my ex-boyfriend (FOB), I am also not putting him on the birth certificate. I worry my son will resent me for keeping him out of his life, but I decided that when my son wants to meet or know his father then I will have no problem or object in anyway.

Honestly, the 16-year-old boy will do one of two things
1) Realize being a dad is too hard for him and peace out (which I would assume to be the case, as people like him do that kinda stuff every single day)

or
2) Realize being a dad is the best thing that could ever happen and change his ways.

That is HIS choice. The only thing you can do is keep your sweet little boy out of harms way right now.

So just relax, take a deep breath and do what you have done this whole time by doing what you gotta do to make sure zander is healthy and happy.

Good luck.

I'm scared he'll involve the court system though, and trust me- in AL they're screwed up. They've screwed me and my mom over SO many times with SS from my dad after he passed and all of that, and they kept telling me it'd be almost impossible for me to get into college. Why, idk. But they've screwed things up for us so many times. I don't want that for him. /:

I don't want him near Z, like.. ever if it was possible. I've known him for years- he won't change. Not unless he's been replaced with a pod person. He's one of those people who isn't happy unless he's making someone else miserable and all. Found that part out too late.....

Look, I live in Alabama too, and before me and FOB became friends and decided to coparent, I had to talk to a lawyer about him taking me to court. The legal system IS pretty messed up around here, but it actually works in OUR favor in this situation. Unless you are abusive and neglectful, the child will never be taken away from the mother. Expecially if you have family support and a place to live. It's almost impossible for the dad to win custody here AND in Georgia (as I live right by the Georgia border, and FOB lives in Georgia, so I had to check for both) and the fact that you're older then him even solidifies that.

Hope I helped.

Finally, another Alabamian! Lol.

I've definitely got support and a stable home. And once LO is born, I'll be going to school to become a paralegal so I can support the both of us later on. He however doesn't have a stable home, even though he has a job (McDonald's... Really? That's gonna impress them enough to take a newborn from his mother and stable home... Riiiiight.) I'm not really worried about him winning against me- I know he wouldn't. But I don't want him to be able to just pop up and see Zander whenever or anything like that. maybe I'm being a bit selfish in that aspect, but I just want what's best for Zander. And I feel that him NOT being in the picture is the best thing. /: He's proven over and over that he's mentally unstable with his depression and all of that, and attempted suicides. Does he really think I want MY son around that?! And whether this sounds bitchy or not, I can't help it- he is MY son. I'm the one that has been doing for him since day one, I'm the one that's been going through everything, my family has been the one footing the bills and providing for him. We've been taking care of him, and he's more than perfectly healthy to our knowledge. he's growing excellently, he's got amazing muscle/movement according to u/s, etc. All of that will go downhill if he's around all the crap his father does.

Where do you live??? North AL or where? I live about an hour from the GA border, and about 20 minutes from the FL. Ever heard of Dothan? That's about where I be.

 

[Hayleyandbaby]

Im so sorry about your situation. He doesn't sound like a fit parent. There is no way he will win custody when you are a suitable and perfect mother with no alcohol/drug issues.

 

[blamesydney]

Finally, another Alabamian! Lol.

I've definitely got support and a stable home. And once LO is born, I'll be going to school to become a paralegal so I can support the both of us later on. He however doesn't have a stable home, even though he has a job (McDonald's... Really? That's gonna impress them enough to take a newborn from his mother and stable home... Riiiiight.) I'm not really worried about him winning against me- I know he wouldn't. But I don't want him to be able to just pop up and see Zander whenever or anything like that. maybe I'm being a bit selfish in that aspect, but I just want what's best for Zander. And I feel that him NOT being in the picture is the best thing. /: He's proven over and over that he's mentally unstable with his depression and all of that, and attempted suicides. Does he really think I want MY son around that?! And whether this sounds bitchy or not, I can't help it- he is MY son. I'm the one that has been doing for him since day one, I'm the one that's been going through everything, my family has been the one footing the bills and providing for him. We've been taking care of him, and he's more than perfectly healthy to our knowledge. he's growing excellently, he's got amazing muscle/movement according to u/s, etc. All of that will go downhill if he's around all the crap his father does.

Where do you live??? North AL or where? I live about an hour from the GA border, and about 20 minutes from the FL. Ever heard of Dothan? That's about where I be.

I completely understand, I told FOB that he had 2 choices. He could either stick around and be a GOOD dad and do everything he can for our little girl and as soon as she's born he's in it for the rest of her life, or he could choose to back out before she's born, but once she's born, if he's not around, that's it. I wanted something STABLE and SECURE for her. I've had friends that have parents that bounce in and out of their lives, and they've all got such a "I'm not good enough" mentality, I would NOT want that for her. If possible, you should really talk to a lawyer. If he decides to be a part of your sons life, you can get a primary custody with visitation contract written up, and that basically puts you in power. If he messes up, you have the legal right to say "right, thats it, you will not see him anymore."

And I live in Smiths Station, but I've been to Dothan, and pass through every time I go to Florida on vacation. (you have a ridiculous amount of very attractive guys there! )

 

[munchkinkidd]

Im so sorry about your situation. He doesn't sound like a fit parent. There is no way he will win custody when you are a suitable and perfect mother with no alcohol/drug issues.

I've never even smoked a cigarette. >.> Let alone done any form of drug, and I've never drank. The one time I had a sip of my mom's daiquiri was just that- one sip. And it was vacation. I don't really know if I'm just overly paranoid/worried, or if there's a need/reason to be. I don't think he should be able to just deny Zander and then when I hit 38 weeks and he's almost here, just show back up like that. It's not right, not after everything I've been through and done. He STILL hasn't even asked how my pregnancy has been, doesn't know about my bouts or scares with preterm labor, doesn't know about me being hospitalized three times, etc. All he knows is Zander is a boy, and he's about to be born. It's not right for him to think he can just waltz back in after everything. And not only all of that. When we broke up, he cut himself and all even worse than normal to try and guilt me into staying with him! Don't think so. Ugh. Makes me so dang mad.

 

[blamesydney]

Oh, also, in addition to what I just posted, I agree with the other girls that you should get some evidence. Just print some of his facebook status updates and lock a few of his really mean and threatening texts.

 

[munchkinkidd]

Finally, another Alabamian! Lol.

I've definitely got support and a stable home. And once LO is born, I'll be going to school to become a paralegal so I can support the both of us later on. He however doesn't have a stable home, even though he has a job (McDonald's... Really? That's gonna impress them enough to take a newborn from his mother and stable home... Riiiiight.) I'm not really worried about him winning against me- I know he wouldn't. But I don't want him to be able to just pop up and see Zander whenever or anything like that. maybe I'm being a bit selfish in that aspect, but I just want what's best for Zander. And I feel that him NOT being in the picture is the best thing. /: He's proven over and over that he's mentally unstable with his depression and all of that, and attempted suicides. Does he really think I want MY son around that?! And whether this sounds bitchy or not, I can't help it- he is MY son. I'm the one that has been doing for him since day one, I'm the one that's been going through everything, my family has been the one footing the bills and providing for him. We've been taking care of him, and he's more than perfectly healthy to our knowledge. he's growing excellently, he's got amazing muscle/movement according to u/s, etc. All of that will go downhill if he's around all the crap his father does.

Where do you live??? North AL or where? I live about an hour from the GA border, and about 20 minutes from the FL. Ever heard of Dothan? That's about where I be.

I completely understand, I told FOB that he had 2 choices. He could either stick around and be a GOOD dad and do everything he can for our little girl and as soon as she's born he's in it for the rest of her life, or he could choose to back out before she's born, but once she's born, if he's not around, that's it. I wanted something STABLE and SECURE for her. I've had friends that have parents that bounce in and out of their lives, and they've all got such a "I'm not good enough" mentality, I would NOT want that for her. If possible, you should really talk to a lawyer. If he decides to be a part of your sons life, you can get a primary custody with visitation contract written up, and that basically puts you in power. If he messes up, you have the legal right to say "right, thats it, you will not see him anymore."

And I live in Smiths Station, but I've been to Dothan, and pass through every time I go to Florida on vacation. (you have a ridiculous amount of very attractive guys there! )

He hasn't really sent anything 'mean' or whatever, other than threatening the court thing. The suicide stuff was wayyyy before when we broke up and I don't even have that same phone any more. I wish I did.

He's so mentally unstable it isn't even funny. Like I'm literally scared to talk to him sometimes and tell him things. It's ridiculous. Like last night when he got drunk, he kept sayig how much he loved us and wanted us to be a family, and I just didn't reply. I didn't know what to say and was scared to say anything and set him off. I don't want Zander around that... And he shouldn't either! That's what makes me angry- he's wanting to be around his son and he has all of these issues? Wtf!

Lol, I remember playing SSHS when I went to NHS. The band was pretty good!
LOL, where?! Apparently they hide from me, or are taken/not interested/gay. XD

 

[blamesydney]

He hasn't really sent anything 'mean' or whatever, other than threatening the court thing. The suicide stuff was wayyyy before when we broke up and I don't even have that same phone any more. I wish I did.

He's so mentally unstable it isn't even funny. Like I'm literally scared to talk to him sometimes and tell him things. It's ridiculous. Like last night when he got drunk, he kept sayig how much he loved us and wanted us to be a family, and I just didn't reply. I didn't know what to say and was scared to say anything and set him off. I don't want Zander around that... And he shouldn't either! That's what makes me angry- he's wanting to be around his son and he has all of these issues? Wtf!

Lol, I remember playing SSHS when I went to NHS. The band was pretty good!
LOL, where?! Apparently they hide from me, or are taken/not interested/gay. XD

I would just SEE if the mental instability thing goes away once he's born, if you don't see a change, I agree entirely that he doesn't need such a terrible influence in his life. The only reason I say SEE is because I know that before I got pregnant, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, and anxiety, AND I had a bit of a drug problem (not a terrible one, mind you, I was never a junkie or anything, I just smoked alot of weed and poor Scarlet was concieved while me and her daddy were on ecstacy ) and once I found out I was pregnant, I made a COMPLETE turn around. It became all about her, not all about me. Now I'm an entirely different person! But it generally takes guys alot longer. My FOB didn't start getting all excited and making a huge turnaround until a few weeks ago.

And the school SUCKS. I went freshman year and was treated so poorly because I wasn't "preppy" or "country" that I ended up going to school in Phenix City.