i officially give up.

[leann4417]

I officially give up. I can't do it anymore. I have to move on with my life. This is mentally and physically destroying me. I'm obviously not meant to have children. I've also came to the conclusion I have done something so terrible in my life I don't remember that god just doesn't think I deserve children. I attended a baby shower today. I knew I shouldn't have but I can't hide out for the rest of my life. But then another friend announced her pregnancy at the shower. That brings the total to THIRTEEN close friends and family that are expecting. What I would give to be number 14. Needless to say I left early and cried so long and hard I ended making myself vomit which in return made my mother in law ask if I was pregnant. I couldn't help but be rude and say no im not one of the lucky ones who deserve that. I can't help but be bitter and resent all these perfect little families. Its driving a wedge between my husband and I and is beginning to make me think that if I can't even have a baby with him we must not be meant to be. I have never felt this terrible in my life. Bright side I work for a mental health facility so maybe ill talk to one of my co worker therapists tomorrow. LOL. Sorry to complain and sound so silly. But I REALLY needed to vent once again and none of my friends or family can relate or understand as they are obviously all baby making machines meant to have 10 kids!

 

[bassdesire]

Don't give up, LeAnn. We are all here for you. TTC is a journey, and for some, it is a long, windy and trying experience. You are a beautiful person and you deserve to have a family as well. Keep trying and hang in there.

 

[leann4417]

Thank you..its just so hard after you take birth control for all those years and are convinced if u just miss one day you'll get pregnant and then u get off of it and it just doesn't happen! But yet everyone around you is basking in pregnancy and everywhere I go its all I hear and if I hear one more person ask me when were going to have a baby I'm going to scream!! I've started replying actually I've been trying for a good while now but ill be sure to let you know when my body finally cooperates. I just can't help it anymore!

 

[Stash777]

Oh Leann I know it's easier said than done, but please don't give up. My parents tried for me for 8 years (I was their first) and had been told they would never get pregnant by several doctors. After me they were told there was zero chance they would conceive again, but only 18 months later they found out they were pregnant with my lil sister.

Nothing you could have possibly done would deem you undeserving of a baby. I know it gets extremely depressing and frustrating when yet again another friend/family member announces their pregnancy. I went through that a lot, but I finally came to the realization that they may have been ttc for a while too (and if not, my negative feelings were not doing anything to help me). Feeling that way is completely understandable, but try to think of something positive to lift your mood (visualize a happy memory, sunset, favorite something, anything).

Just because you are having a hard time conceiving does not mean you don't deserve a baby nor does it mean you and DH are not meant to be How long have you been ttc? On average, couples conceive between 6-12 months. If it's been over 12 months, have you gone through any fertility testing? Keep your head up; Fxxx for you.

 

[DrGomps]

I understand how you feel LeAnn. How long have you been trying? I recently had dinner with my in-laws and my mother in law asked if I had a big announcement as if I already didn't feel bad enough about not already conceiving.

 

[cantwaitforu]

It's hard, and not many people understand. I finally told my BFF two weeks ago. She had her daughter by bding with her ex ONCE out of the blue, and they used withdrawal. I love them both (BFF and her DD) dearly, but she will never be able to understand what its like to force your DH to perform day after day, month after month, and go to baby showers and see pg women on the street, and all those damn celebrities getting pg (a new one every day!). I feel like a failure and hate my body and find it hard to find purpose.

I never thought I would be here, halfway through cycle #7, excited to see my doctor tomorrow, and think that after they've figured out what's going on with me, that then I can actually start TTC with a chance.

You have to do what's best for you - always.

I'm reading a book called "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. It was kinda hard to start reading it because she has two daughters (and I was immediately annoyed that she could feel the slightest bit of unhappiness with having them in her life), but I pulled through and am really enjoying the book and trying to apply her way of thinking to my life. Every month, for the next year, I will focus on something that will make me happier. I have my own happiness project - and it's by focusing on what I have in my life and finding ways to have them to make me happier.

 

[ntaylor5020]

I honestly cried when I first read your message, its like you took the EXACT thoughts right out of my head and put them on here. I too feel like I've done something terrible and don't deserve children and EVERYBODY is pregnant around me. But maybe thats just it...all the stress is causing us to NOT be able to get pregnant! Stay strong and remember something soo wonderful is worth fighting for. You have all my support and the support of all the other women on the board who are going through the same thing...hugs and kisses and most of all BABY DUST

 

[livinginhope1]

Hi Leann4417 stay strong. Vent whenever you have to we are here for you.

 

[CandiceSj]

People don't understand sometimes how it doesn't always just happen right away. Don't give up hope though, any month can be the month that it finally happens. You should probably take a break and step away from actively TTC. Focus on other things and things might just work out on their own.

 

[Trishg21]

Aw hun I am so sorry you feel this way. But truly nothing you could of done would make it so you do not deserve to have children. And I don't know how you feel about this but if god forbid you can't conceive (knock on wood), there are so many children out there that need loving homes. Would you ever consider adoption?

Don't give up hope. You never know what surprises are in store for you. It sounds like you will be a wonderful mother to any child.

 

[Soili]

I'm in that boat every month when AF shows, if I don't immediately distract myself with something. Yep. Thank you for speaking out.

 

[Nat0619]

I feel for you hun and could have written the post you put myself. I too wonder if I have done something very wrong in my life at some point! I am a catholic and believe in God. But I have found myself questioning this when I see children being born to people who just abuse them or have them for fashion accessories How on earth is that fair when us ladies on here have so much love to give to a child??

Like you, all my friends and family are baby-making machines and just churn them out within a month or two of starting to try (or not even trying half the time!) Even my mom conceived me within a couple of months and my younger brother immediately. She was a lot younger than me though (I'm 36 and ttc my first). I am so scared I have simply left this too late

OH and I are visiting docs tonight to speak to him about it and hopefully get the ball rolling on some tests. We've been ttc a year now but had a year of NTNP before that, so can say 2 years really There HAS to be something wrong, I would definitely be pregnant by now if not x