I officially give up. I can't do it anymore. I have to move on with my life. This is mentally and physically destroying me. I'm obviously not meant to have children. I've also came to the conclusion I have done something so terrible in my life I don't remember that god just doesn't think I deserve children. I attended a baby shower today. I knew I shouldn't have but I can't hide out for the rest of my life. But then another friend announced her pregnancy at the shower. That brings the total to THIRTEEN close friends and family that are expecting. What I would give to be number 14. Needless to say I left early and cried so long and hard I ended making myself vomit which in return made my mother in law ask if I was pregnant. I couldn't help but be rude and say no im not one of the lucky ones who deserve that. I can't help but be bitter and resent all these perfect little families. Its driving a wedge between my husband and I and is beginning to make me think that if I can't even have a baby with him we must not be meant to be. I have never felt this terrible in my life. Bright side I work for a mental health facility so maybe ill talk to one of my co worker therapists tomorrow. LOL. Sorry to complain and sound so silly. But I REALLY needed to vent once again and none of my friends or family can relate or understand as they are obviously all baby making machines meant to have 10 kids!