I promise, when I get my BFP.......

[dreamqueen]

i understand and respect your reasons for not posting on FB...the point i was making was that the people who are posting their bfps, scans etc on FB are not doing it to gloat or say haha ive got something u aint got!
Most of these girls dont know what infertility is like and therefor dont think of pregnancy as being something worth boasting/gloating about as in their eyes...its there for the taking for anyone who wants it!
Its not like saying wooo ive won the lottery! (well it is for LTTTCers!) But...you know what i mean?
All i am saying is that i dont think anyone does it to cause hurt or distress to anyone. Im not telling you how to feel.... only saying that the way you feel isnt helpful to yourself. To feel that way inside must be sooo hard. I hope you can change your mindset on WHY people post their announcements as im sure its never to cause the pain that it obviously is.

 

[Jokerette]

Can't believe you are in here telling LTTTC ladies how to feel...

You had been TTC for 1 MONTH in March 2011. So you were pregnant by May/June as you are due in Feb.

What a Joke.

You don't know me, and i never claimed to know you, nor did I make any personal attacks to anyone on here. That it not what it this website is about.

I originally saw this thread because it showed up in the list of "Today's Posts" under the quick links tab. I do not just browse the LTTTC randomly. It caught my attention and my original post had been to simply give another perspective that the women who post things on Facebook are most likely not doing it to boast or be smug, but they are probably doing because they are happy and excited.

I think the amount a woman shares her pregnancy, or keeps it a secret, is a personal choice, and some women tend to be "sharers" while other are more private. Anyway, that was the intent of my original post,... I appreciate the women who are at least seeing that I was not trying to hurt anyone by posting that perspective about Facebook.

As for the personal attack on me by going back and finding my "first post" ever on BnB and calling me a joke? I was excited when I first joined this site. I was thrilled to find a family of women who i could talk to openly about pregnancy with differences of opinions, all who shared the same goal and all who would root for one another. You are right, I got lucky and conceived sooner than some women do... but that doesn't make it any less special, and that doesn't make my perspective on a simple thing like Facebook posts any less valid. I know I cannot walk a mile in the shoes of someone who has TTC for longer than me, just like someone who got pregnant in the first month doesn't know what it is like to get a BFN... but I think we are all adults here who all want the same thing and who all came to BnB for support, opinions, perspective, and TTC friends.

i understand and respect your reasons for not posting on FB...the point i was making was that the people who are posting their bfps, scans etc on FB are not doing it to gloat or say haha ive got something u aint got!
Most of these girls dont know what infertility is like and therefor dont think of pregnancy as being something worth boasting/gloating about as in their eyes...its there for the taking for anyone who wants it!
Its not like saying wooo ive won the lottery! (well it is for LTTTCers!) But...you know what i mean?
All i am saying is that i dont think anyone does it to cause hurt or distress to anyone. Im not telling you how to feel.... only saying that the way you feel isnt helpful to yourself. To feel that way inside must be sooo hard. I hope you can change your mindset on WHY people post their announcements as im sure its never to cause the pain that it obviously is.

Thank you, that is what I had been trying to say.

 

[Armywife84]

Look this doesn't need to turn into a flame war because you're offended at what we wrote.

Dreamqueen- Thank you for understanding my reasons for not posting my BFP on FB.

If you read further back I did state to Jokerette that I understand why people post their announcements on FB. They're overjoyed and excited. I just don't understand that joy and excitement because I'm still waiting to get it. It's also so difficult to be happy for every single BFP because there's so many of them! Instead I feel discouragement and failure.

But please don't pretend you know how I feel inside. You may know some of how I feel but you don't know the half of it. So let's just leave it at that.

Jokerette- Majority have accepted your apology. As I wasn't trying to be rude when I stated you wouldn't really understand. Honestly, what do you expect being a woman who has conceived in a short period of time commenting on a LTTC thread?

Ladies, please respect that even though this is a public forum this is a thread for LTTC women who are writing their promises for when they get their BFP. Our promises aren't a debate and not meant to offend anyone. You lucky women have your BFP, respect threads(LTTC) for those of us who aren't that fortunate just yet.

 

[NavyWife84]

I have kind of stayed quiet and just thanked people who I agree with because I really hate the negativity of this whole thread, or actually the negativity that it has become. The title of this thread is "I promise, WHEN I get my BFP...", obviously a post for us lttc women to have positive thoughts and feel a little better about our journey. I don't feel it is fair for any of us to judge anyone else. I am very happy for those of you women who have gotten your BFP. I am jealous and envy you, but I would never wish infertility on anyone else as it hurts.

And I think that is just the problem. We are hurting. I don't necessarily think that people who post of FB are bragging, gloating, or whatever. But, I have had to distance myself from FB because it is too hard to see it everywhere. Not just the pregnancy posts, scan pics, etc. but also pics of everyone's beautiful children, what the families did together, etc. I am so happy for all my friends on there, but for my own mental health, I have to distance myself. I've had to distance myself from those people in real life as well. Not only for myself (and my obvious reasons) but for them too. My close friends know that I am struggling with infertility. They know that it is very hard for me to be around their babies, families, etc. So, when I am around them, I am no longer myself. I hate what that does to the "fun" time we are supposed to be having together. I hate the fact that they look at me with tears in my eyes and sadness on my face and they feel bad for me, pity me. I don't want it to be that way, but it just happens. Not every time, I have good days and bad. But if I can't be around it, my friends understand. I have suffered from depression for a very long time and this infertility makes it worse. My friends know that I can't be around them as much as I would like, they know my depression and my infertility are factors, and they understand. They know it doesn't make me any less of a friend. The post about us not being good friends for deleting our friends on fb just didn't make any sense to me. FB is a stupid (but addicting) virtual world. So, how are we any worse of friends for deleting a picture of a friend because we are hurting and don't want to resent our friends? Again, we are hurting.

I feel that some of the ladies that have posted on this thread really shouldn't have. I know this is a public site and everyone is entitled to thier opinion, but there are just some lines you shouldn't cross. I know some people said that they just wanted to put their perspective on here, but sometimes you need to know when to keep quiet. The ladies on here are hurting. We are venting. FB is something that often makes us feel miserable. I don't find it necessary for other people, especially those who have not walked in our shoes to put in their two cents. Let's put it this way...what if I were to go on a first trimester thread where everyone was so happy and positive and really looking for the next 9 months (and the rest of their lives at that) and I started talking about miscarriages and birth defects and things like that? Because, honestly, I am terrified of my first trimester when it finally does happen. I don't know how I would handle losing a baby. I wouldn't go on the JSO page and burst their bubble either by talking about how long it is taking me, how my doctors are driving me crazy, and how ttc has practically destroyed me. I may have my own opinion, but I know that would be hurtful. They don't want to hear what I have to say about it and I know that. I don't even go on their threads because, again, it is better for me to distance myself. I would't want to pop the elated balloons that the ladies are floating on. Believe me, this isn't the first time when us ltttcers have started a postiive thread and it has been polluted by negativity.

I know...you may be thinking...how are they positive, they are complaining about FB posts? But it is positive because we are venting. And venting helps us get through this. I don't think it is fair for any of the ladies (ltttcers or not) to be taking stabs at anyone else, but I really do hate when other people come into our threads and change it to a negative. I'm not telling you what to do, how to think, or anything like that, I'm just trying to ask you to think before you reply. I find women in the wrong on both sides of this thread, but I just really don't like when our positive becomes a negative. I applaud jokerette for bowing out and appologizing in the beginning. She didn't realize what her post would start, she appologized, and left. No offense (I hate that statement because something offensive is always going to come next) but I really don't think that people are thinking before they write. Us ltttcers are getting defensive because we are hurting and this is "our post". The other ladies are getting angry because we spoke out of hurt and anger, but for some of us, that is all we have right now. Maybe not all the time, but often. We come on b&b to vent, for information, and for support. By participating in an arguement, I don't think anyone was being supportive

Congratulations to those of you who have bumps in your bellies and I am praying for a wonderful 9 months for you.

And to my ltttc ladies, and lots of baby dust! I am constantly praying for a bfp for all of us!

 

[dreamqueen]

Ok, this will be my last post.
I just want you to know why i said the things i did.
After 13 years of TTc, you can imagine them amount of people ive known to get their bfp!
Pregnant people everywhere.....................trust me...i know the feeling of being stabbed in the stomach every time i see someone who is pregnant! The point i was trying to make, wasnt that anyone suffering with infertility shouldnt feel pain and hurt! Of course, you have no option. The world is a cruel dark place! Why me??
But rather, that even after being infetile for 13 years......i never viewed these FB statuses as someone trying to rub my nose in it. Or to gloat etc....that is the only reason i posted. I thought that by giving a different perspective on it from being a LTTTCer.....would show that not all of us feel that way about FB. Doesnt make any of us right.....just different.
I may be pregnant now....but that doesnt mean that my fertility nightmare is over! FAR FROM IT.....you might think you will be floating about in a happy bubble when get your bfp but it doesnt always work like that! I am absolutely terrified of losing my baby.... I cant imagine its really gonna happen (an effect of the infertility)
I cant relax...And i still think with the mind of infertility....''if i lose this baby...is it going to take another 13yrs to get pregnant?''
''what if its ectopic and i need my tube removed? What then? my other tube is blocked!''
So please dont think that im not suffering any more.....Yes im pregnant, but my battle with mother nature may not be over yet. I wish you all bfps. I hope when you get them you can relax and be happy. I wont post here again.... i thought that i belonged here as i have been such a LONG TERM ttcer...... but it seems i have overstayed my welcome....and i dont want to make anyones pain any worse than it is

 

[rosebud_01_99]

interesting how all the women posting here who were never jealous or bitter are now pg! i wonder if i ever get pg will it wipe my memory as well and make me think i was a wonderful caring non bitter non envious person while i was ttc. hope i get the chance to find out some day.

rosebud

 

[Tasha]

Big girls.

Firstly to the lady who said about 12 weeks, sometimes it sadly doesnt work that way.

I am like SarahJane in that I have been TTC since August 2008 and still dont have a baby to bring home or even in my tummy (in that time I have had one stillbirth and eight early miscarriages, and I had already previously had a stillbirth). I dont know what I will do with regards to fb because part of me will want to share it with the world but the other part of me knows I am extremely high risk for loses in every trimester, and so therefore will be very very scared to share it. IF I decided to share it I would hope that people would not resent it/me, would not delete me but understand that I have been through so much to get to even that stage and the chances of me bringing a baby home is much slimer than most, so I was enjoying the moment.

I also would like to say when you do get pregnant remember to be kind to yourself, whilst it is amazing it sometimes can be tough too, remember that and dont put too much pressure on yourself to never moan, although I do put pressure on myself not to moan too.

And finally I want to say a) please dont shout at me, I am feeling very fragile today and missing my girls so much. b) I am hoping and praying for all of your BFP's

 

[Tasha]

Oooh so I guess my BFP promise is to remember other people feelings despite whatever my own are (you never know what someone else is going through) and also to not put pressure on myself, I am not super woman.

 

[dreamqueen]

Tasha
Im so sorry for your losses...i cant even begin to imagine the pain you feel

 

[Armywife84]

Tasha- My condolences for your losses.

Back to promises...

I promise when I get my BFP, I will still continue to have compassion for women struggling with LTTC, especially those who have a much more difficult journey than I do.

I also promise to keep my BFP in the success story section of LTTC. Although we are genuinely happy when a LTTCer gets there BFP, it can still be slightly discouraging. And that I will not assure what worked for me will work for others, because all of our cases are different.

 

[Coogee]

If i ever got a baby ( i say baby instead of bfp because i had that before but always ended in miscarriage) i would never ever in a million years put one of those annoying baby on board signs in my car. ggggggrrrrr
rosebud

Thanks! I hate those darn baby on board signs.
Today was a ABSOLUTE HORRIBLE day walking around in Tesco doing my shopping alone and seeing BABIES GALORE!!I'm happy for others who get their bfp and babies but it still doesn't make the it better for me and all the rest of us .

rant rant - sorry

 

[Coogee]

dreamqueen congrats!! I am truly happy for you.13 years is a very long time, I bet you over the moon.

 

[Armywife84]

If i ever got a baby ( i say baby instead of bfp because i had that before but always ended in miscarriage) i would never ever in a million years put one of those annoying baby on board signs in my car. ggggggrrrrr
rosebud

Thanks! I hate those darn baby on board signs.
Today was a ABSOLUTE HORRIBLE day walking around in Tesco doing my shopping alone and seeing BABIES GALORE!!I'm happy for others who get their bfp and babies but it still doesn't make the it better for me and all the rest of us .

rant rant - sorry

My SIL has a tacky one that reads "Twins on Board". Like drivers really pay attention to those signs.


I also promise to never put a leash on my child. Even those jazzed up ones that have a stuffed animal on them.

 

[Coogee]

If i ever got a baby ( i say baby instead of bfp because i had that before but always ended in miscarriage) i would never ever in a million years put one of those annoying baby on board signs in my car. ggggggrrrrr
rosebud

Thanks! I hate those darn baby on board signs.
Today was a ABSOLUTE HORRIBLE day walking around in Tesco doing my shopping alone and seeing BABIES GALORE!!I'm happy for others who get their bfp and babies but it still doesn't make the it better for me and all the rest of us .

rant rant - sorry

My SIL has a tacky one that reads "Twins on Board". Like drivers really pay attention to those signs.


I also promise to never put a leash on my child. Even those jazzed up ones that have a stuffed animal on them.

Lol that is my other pet hate too. Leashes on kids. But I know there are a couple of ladies that will probably beg to differ. My mom had 4 kids under 7. she learned how to control us from running wild without a leash!!

twins on board, when did having one of those signs become a fashion statement. I've also seen lots of signs saying ''BABE ON BOARD'' 9/10 times believe me the lady driving the car is not a babe. sorry I don't normally judge people by their looks but that sign just screams ''attention/look at me''!

 

[Armywife84]

https://www.amazon.com/Monkey-Harness-Child-Safety-Leash/dp/B0046P02MG

Like having a stuffed animal attached to it makes it acceptable to use one!!

They were making fun of those "Baby on Board" signs on Vh1's "I love the 90s" it was too funny.

Haven't seen "Babe on Board" . I would never sport one of those. How tacky and embarrassing.

I promise not to fill my baby gift registry with expensive items I will hardly use.

 

[dreamqueen]

Thanks Coogee!
Yes, im so happy, nervous at the same time, but feel really blessed. I truly believe all of us that have to wait for our bfps will appreciate them much more that any else.....and it really does make is so much more special!
I have everything crossed for all you ladies
....i wish each and every one of you the babies you so much deserve xx

 

[SarahJane]

I'm not going to tell you women what you already know...you felt that way once then you FINALLY got your pregnancy. Luckily for you guys, your journey has ended. And I wish you both a happy and healthy nine months. The rest of us don't know when and if it will ever end, or if we'll go broke from IVF, ICSI.

This forum is for LTTC women to write their promise for when we get our BFP.. With all due respect, if you are pregnant and offended in any way by what we write then you probably shouldn't read this forum anymore.

I AM offended. I am offended because my baby is dead. I got a BFP but it most certainly wasn't the "end of my journey". My journey involves not only waiting 2 and a half years (so far) but also a memory of an 8 hour labour where I knew my baby was dead and also burying my daughter. It also involves a further 2 early miscarriages since April.

As I am not welcome in here by virtue of the fact that I have been pregnant, this will be my last post. I am just glad the ladies in the losses section show more compassion as I won't be back here in a hurry.

Here is a post I posted yesterday,

"I am grateful today for my daughter Evelyn. I never got to hear her cry or see her smile but I got to hold her for some precious moments. Some people don't get that lucky so for Evelyn I am grateful."


Despite what I have been through, I see myself as luckier than you guys. I would never ever tell you not to post in the losses section just because you have been lucky enough never to have been through what I have.

I am sorry for all of you for what you are going through and I wish you all happy and healthy pregnancies. BUT GOODBYE - I will find my support elsewhere.

 

[Mellybelle]

SarahJane

I promise, when I get my forever baby that I will never tell anyone that their journey of TTC is over when they get a BFP. Especially those that understand.

 

[Armywife84]

SarahJane, I am sorry for your losses.

I have never experienced a loss but I know someone who has and had to bury her not even a few hours old baby..I cried for her, was upset for days. Because I wish that she could have kept her child. So I'm not a heartless offensive witch. I know it's not the same and I have no idea how you feel, or am I going to even pretend to.

I said if you are pregnant and offended by our promises we're writing to ourselves which there is no reason to be, then you shouldn't post here. I was specifically talking to Jokerette and Dreamqueen. I'm sorry if I didn't make myself clear and for offending you in anyway. I haven't gotten a BFP so I have no idea what it all entails.

The issue has been laid to rest.

 

[Nightnurse]

I promise to remember the greatest gift I have been given and how lucky I am to be chosen and to remember and be there for some of the others who now stand in the shoes I once wore....