I promise, when I get my BFP.......

[dreamqueen]

Sarahjane
You poor girl.....

 

[Sophe]

I'm not going to tell you women what you already know...you felt that way once then you FINALLY got your pregnancy. Luckily for you guys, your journey has ended. And I wish you both a happy and healthy nine months. The rest of us don't know when and if it will ever end, or if we'll go broke from IVF, ICSI.

This forum is for LTTC women to write their promise for when we get our BFP.. With all due respect, if you are pregnant and offended in any way by what we write then you probably shouldn't read this forum anymore.

I AM offended. I am offended because my baby is dead. I got a BFP but it most certainly wasn't the "end of my journey". My journey involves not only waiting 2 and a half years (so far) but also a memory of an 8 hour labour where I knew my baby was dead and also burying my daughter. It also involves a further 2 early miscarriages since April.

As I am not welcome in here by virtue of the fact that I have been pregnant, this will be my last post. I am just glad the ladies in the losses section show more compassion as I won't be back here in a hurry.

Here is a post I posted yesterday,

"I am grateful today for my daughter Evelyn. I never got to hear her cry or see her smile but I got to hold her for some precious moments. Some people don't get that lucky so for Evelyn I am grateful."


Despite what I have been through, I see myself as luckier than you guys. I would never ever tell you not to post in the losses section just because you have been lucky enough never to have been through what I have.

I am sorry for all of you for what you are going through and I wish you all happy and healthy pregnancies. BUT GOODBYE - I will find my support elsewhere.

I once posted in the losses section as a very very dear friend of mine lost her daughter at 41 weeks... i was basically told to bugger off... which I did!

I don't agree that you are luckier than us, I have seen my beutiful friend torn in to a million pieces and I would NEVER rather be in her situation. I do feel very very sorry for you, I have seen first hand what you've been through and its so cruel and painful, words can not express. But I can not pretend to understand what you are feeling, because I have never felt it, but i do have a lot of compassion for you. I would not wish that on anyone.



I think the ladies in this forum are going through something that others don't understand, we are going through a whole mish mash of emotions, Sadness, anger, frustration, jelousy, confussion, and greif for the children we may never have it can also put a huge strain on our relationships, leads to feelings of faliar and depression, at times these emotions do make us bitter and angry with life, but we have this forum to share those feelings and realise we are not alone,its very common for women struggling with infertility to feel the way we do, surely you can see by the number of ladies on here that share the same opion. At times we need to release those negative emotions and thoughts that are unacceptable in the real world and this is where we do it. I don't think pregnant women should come in here and tell us we should behave differently and be happy for them, thats very unfair, this is our place, l we have to try and be happy for people in the real world everyday! lots of us can't talk to family friends about this issue as its still seen as taboo and we can been seen as lesser women so do not broadcast our problems to the world.. so this is where we have to come.... sorry for this long rant butI have one more thing to add.... don't think for a second we want to bitter and feel this way we would all rather be in the majority who fall preggo in the normal one year and move on with our lifes, insted of being stuck in this rut, going through test and nothing happening, we don't chosse to feel like this and we often hate ourselves for it, please don't try to judge what you don't understand... I hope you will never find yourselves in our shos, but secondary infertility is common and statistically some of you will.... only then can you judege us.

 

[Tasha]

Sophe I am sorry you received that from the loss section, I personally have never seen such posts but it is really sad that was said to you. Two wrongs dont make a right though.

Whilst I understand what you are saying, I do need to say that a BFP doesnt wipe out all that pain. You really think that someone who TTC to conceive for thirteen years, gets a BFP and one week later all those years of pain are forgotten? I dont, not for a second. It is the same as me saying to an angel mummy who has their rainbow, oh you have your earth baby now dont come in here and tell me what I should feel like, but I would never do that because I know that they once stood in my shoes and they do understand. The pain you feel right now, will never be forgotten, you will carry it always but it is how you chose to use that pain which will can make you into a better person (please dont take that as me saying any of you are bad people).

I have felt all those emotions that you mention, but I remind myself that I dont know what pain that person carries, I dont know what they have been through to get where they are today. I know wearing a mask to the 'normal' world is exhausting, cos I too do it every day but it doesnt give me a right to hurt or be rude to other people. Whether that be in real life or on a message board, my feelings are not more valid than anyone elses.

ETA: I totally agree that you girls deserve this place to vent, but there are ways of putting things

 

[Tasha]

And I know it might be said that then pregnant women, or mum's with babies shouldnt come in here but if you use new posts sometimes you stumble across stuff without realising which part of the forum you are in

 

[Armywife84]

Sophe I am sorry you received that from the loss section, I personally have never seen such posts but it is really sad that was said to you. Two wrongs dont make a right though.

Whilst I understand what you are saying, I do need to say that a BFP doesnt wipe out all that pain. You really think that someone who TTC to conceive for thirteen years, gets a BFP and one week later all those years of pain are forgotten? I dont, not for a second. It is the same as me saying to an angel mummy who has their rainbow, oh you have your earth baby now dont come in here and tell me what I should feel like. The pain you feel right now, will never be forgotten, you will carry it always but it is how you chose to use that pain which will can make you into a better person (please dont take that as me saying any of you are bad people).

I have felt all those emotions that you mention, but I remind myself that I dont know what pain that person carries, I dont know what they have been through to get where they are today. I know wearing a mask to the 'normal' world is exhausting, cos I too do it every day but it doesnt give me a right to hurt or be rude to other people. Whether that be in real life or on a message board, my feelings are not more valid than anyone elses.

ETA: I totally agree that you girls deserve this place to vent, but there are ways of putting things

The main issue was about other women who happen to have their BFP coming on here and throwing their opinion out there. When this is a forum for LTTCers who are still trying to get their BFP. This isn't a debate, it's not a place for people to argue back and forth about our promises. Hopefully that issue is done.

While I do state that I have a HUGE amount of respect for women who have suffered losses, I have friends who have suffered many of losses and I still pray that they get their BFP before me, I came on this forum thinking I would not have to walk on eggshells for whoever may be reading this. I don't expect my TTC friends or pregnant friends to walk on eggshells around me.

What I said wasn't rude of meant to be offensive..None of us were trying to be. But when I feel personally attacked, then I'm going to defend myself. It's only natural.

I don't know what it's like to get a BFP. Many of us on here don't (except for 1?). Keep that in mind. I can only imagine that I would feel some sort of relief that I am moving forward, instead of spinning my wheels, and I can stop LTTC (for now). In order to get my second child, I already know it's going to be another long process. I also know the chance of miscarrying in my 1st trimester or even throughout the whole pregnancy..But instead of worrying myself to death (I know I'm still going to worry), I'm going to take this BFP, be positive, and enjoy it for however long I may have it. Unfortunately, if I lose that BFP..I will grieve probably forever, but one day I'm going to have to try again in order to get my goal that I won't stop trying to achieve. Again my comments aren't meant to offend anyone.

I hope this thread can go back to being the positive thread Cooch started. No more arguing back and forth about our promises. You respect us, we respect you. If anymore women( I know we originally had a few on here) who have suffered losses post on here, I will try my best to watch what say.

 

[Tiff]

L/TTC is such a hard, emotive journey. There are no right or wrong answers, people feel how they feel. What one person might find comforting another person might find offensive.

I think in situations like this its best to just understand that people deal with things in the only way they know how. Some people get sad, others get angry and all the other emotions and feelings that go along with it. Its hard to comment on because I would never want to take away the right for a person to express how they feel. There is a very upsetting side to LTTC, something that unless you have been there, you'll never know.

I just keep seeing this thread get taken off course, people getting upset, then trying to backtrack on what they said. I do earnestly believe that not one person on here has meant to be upsetting, and that the ladies on this board know and understand that.

So how about no more worrying about what was said, and move back to the original topic?


ETA - Sorry Armywife, you posted as I was typing this.

 

[Armywife84]

Thanks Tiff!

Ok let's get this thread turned back around..

I promise when I get my BFP, I will dress my baby in this adorable shrimp costume for Halloween.

https://www.partycity.com/product/b...?sortby=ourPicks&pp=60&size=all&navSet=170310

I hope you ladies in different countries can see it, it's really darling!

 

[Coogee]

Thanks Tiff!

Ok let's get this thread turned back around..

I promise when I get my BFP, I will dress my baby in this adorable shrimp costume for Halloween.

https://www.partycity.com/product/b...?sortby=ourPicks&pp=60&size=all&navSet=170310

I hope you ladies in different countries can see it, it's really darling!

I like the pea and the banana one!!

 

[Armywife84]

Thanks Tiff!

Ok let's get this thread turned back around..

I promise when I get my BFP, I will dress my baby in this adorable shrimp costume for Halloween.

https://www.partycity.com/product/b...?sortby=ourPicks&pp=60&size=all&navSet=170310

I hope you ladies in different countries can see it, it's really darling!

I like the pea and the banana one!!

Aren't they too cute? It makes me kinda excited for when I have a baby. I love the lobster one too. For some reason I'm loving the seafood ones

 

[babypink2010]

Glad this post has turned back around, I was getting ready to vent,,,,,

I promise when I get my BFP to let my hubby have at least 5% of the say in our baby's name lol,

We were discussing it tonight, it's always on my mind, orignally i said he could pick if its a girl and myself if it's a boy,,, but hearing some of emmm, changed my mind,

Mind you I would accept any name so long as I get a baby!

Loads of baby dust

xxxx

 

[NavyWife84]

I don't remember now if I posted a promise or not...

I promise WHEN I get my BFP I will love every moment of it, including the morning sickness, the labor, etc. I may not be comfortable through all of it (I don't know how I am going to keep teaching Kindergarteners at 9 mo. preggo!) but I will love it because I know what it took to get me there!
I will also not take offense if someone I know, including my friends, don't want to hear about every milestone of my pregnancy and then my baby's milestones because they could be going through what I am going through now.
I promise not to sit right next to a single woman in the waiting room with my DH and my new baby (this happened to me yesterday and I just wanted to cry). I promise to raise my child to be a better person than I am!
There is so much more that I could promise, but I really should get back to cleaning house!

I am really glad this post has gotten back to what it should be.

FX for all the ladies on this post!

 

[Sophe]

I will make a new non face book related promise... a more positive one.

I promise when I get my BFP, to do the best I can and eat well and look after myself to protect the baby inside me...

when my baby arrives I promise I will be the best Mum I can be and teach my child to be a good person and respect others and always do his/her best in life.

x

 

[cooch]

Hi LTTCers,

I had posted a thread a few weeks ago about hearing those LTTCers who are successful, posting on the LTTC area. The view was- no way as there is a separate area for BPF announcements and the area should be kept announcement free as it can be the only safe place for some without the treat of hearing about others getting their BFPs.

I was fine with this. I sometimes dip into the BFP area of LTTC as it gives me hope that you can go through so much and it is still possible. But I understand. During the first 6 months of TTC I heard double figures the amount of people who had conceived and it killed me every time. I deleted a few people on face book including SIL- causing a bit of a row. I still stand by this though as I must protect myself in this situation. I am now in a better place. However, down to being put on TTC meds my moods are better, but we have also been monitored for the last two months and have not been TTC. Knowing AF is coming and expecting it is fine.

We are now going to be starting TTC again in October and I'm dreading it. My good moods and good 'place' may not have been down to the meds after all and it might have been down to the knowing that it will be BFN because we haven't been trying.

Anyway, we all need to do what we can to protect ourselves, whether its deleting people or avoiding them. Its the only way of survival. To those of us waiting on BFP - lots of babydust and health, and to those of you who have BFP aleady, I wish you a healthy pregnancy and baby.

 

[Armywife84]

Hi LTTCers,

I had posted a thread a few weeks ago about hearing those LTTCers who are successful, posting on the LTTC area. The view was- no way as there is a separate area for BPF announcements and the area should be kept announcement free as it can be the only safe place for some without the treat of hearing about others getting their BFPs.

I was fine with this. I sometimes dip into the BFP area of LTTC as it gives me hope that you can go through so much and it is still possible. But I understand. During the first 6 months of TTC I heard double figures the amount of people who had conceived and it killed me every time. I deleted a few people on face book including SIL- causing a bit of a row. I still stand by this though as I must protect myself in this situation. I am now in a better place. However, down to being put on TTC meds my moods are better, but we have also been monitored for the last two months and have not been TTC. Knowing AF is coming and expecting it is fine.

We are now going to be starting TTC again in October and I'm dreading it. My good moods and good 'place' may not have been down to the meds after all and it might have been down to the knowing that it will be BFN because we haven't been trying.

Anyway, we all need to do what we can to protect ourselves, whether its deleting people or avoiding them. Its the only way of survival. To those of us waiting on BFP - lots of babydust and health, and to those of you who have BFP aleady, I wish you a healthy pregnancy and baby.

I definitely agree with protecting yourself, it's the only way to keep your sanity!! If that's what you need to get thru the days, months then so be it.

I promise when I get my BFP, I will never forget what it's like to LTTC. As I know when we go for Baby #2, if I want to go back to that dark place, then I will starting back over once again.

I also promise not to sit next to women who are not yet blessed with bumps at the gyno's office. In fact, if I'm not too far along then I'm going to wear a maternity top that conceals my bump as much as possible. I know how discouraging it can be to sit next a pregnant woman when you're dreading hearing you and your husband's test results. You know something is wrong.

 

[NavyWife84]

Hi LTTCers,

I had posted a thread a few weeks ago about hearing those LTTCers who are successful, posting on the LTTC area. The view was- no way as there is a separate area for BPF announcements and the area should be kept announcement free as it can be the only safe place for some without the treat of hearing about others getting their BFPs.

I was fine with this. I sometimes dip into the BFP area of LTTC as it gives me hope that you can go through so much and it is still possible. But I understand. During the first 6 months of TTC I heard double figures the amount of people who had conceived and it killed me every time. I deleted a few people on face book including SIL- causing a bit of a row. I still stand by this though as I must protect myself in this situation. I am now in a better place. However, down to being put on TTC meds my moods are better, but we have also been monitored for the last two months and have not been TTC. Knowing AF is coming and expecting it is fine.

We are now going to be starting TTC again in October and I'm dreading it. My good moods and good 'place' may not have been down to the meds after all and it might have been down to the knowing that it will be BFN because we haven't been trying.

Anyway, we all need to do what we can to protect ourselves, whether its deleting people or avoiding them. Its the only way of survival. To those of us waiting on BFP - lots of babydust and health, and to those of you who have BFP aleady, I wish you a healthy pregnancy and baby.

We took a break ttc this month as well. We found out that I do have endo and I am finally being sent to a fs. Both DH and I have been very stressed at work this month, so we just decided to take the month off. I was still temping in the beginning, but eventually stopped that too. We plan on starting up againg in Oct, but DH is having knee surgery, so that might slow us down. Luckily his surgery is after o

I completely know how you feel about being in a "better place". I think that this past month I have really been able to make peace with my struggles and do some research on endometriosis, specifically the endo diet. I wasn't obsessing about checking my temps, checking my CM, etc. However, we didn't BD because we didn't have those two little lines telling us that it was time and I wasn't pressuring DH to BD every other day!

I also cut out FB this month. It really has helped to not read about all the BFP announcements and everyone talk about their precious little ones. I am happy for my friends, but for my sanity, I couldn't read it all the time. It has felt really good. (I hear FB has changed its format and a lot of people are annoyed by it. Maybe by the time I go back to it, if I go back to it, this will all be sorted out.)

I am feeling much better now, and not crying all the time. DH also mentioned that he likes my positive attitude lately. I know going back to ttc is going to be hard, but I am hoping to not let myself get to the place where I was with it. And if I do, hopefully I will have the sense to take another step away for a little while.

I hope you ladies are doing well and baby dust to all!!!

 

[dreamqueen]

Navywife! Thats great you are being reffered to FS! Its great to feel things are moving forward and get answers!
I just wanted to say that your dogs are gorgeous!

 

[LisaL79]

When I get my sticky BFP... I promise to cherish every moment of the pregnancy. Even if it's filled with every awful pregnancy related symptom out there.
I'll throw up with a smile on my face.

 

[NavyWife84]

Navywife! Thats great you are being reffered to FS! Its great to feel things are moving forward and get answers!
I just wanted to say that your dogs are gorgeous!

Thanks so much! I am really excited that I am going to see the fs. It gives me a renewed hope that things are moving forward. Hopefully their suspicion of endo is correct, we will fix it, and I will have my BFP within a year! (on a positive kick lately)

Thanks for the compliment about my pups! They cheer me up no matter how upset I get lately Of course, they are much bigger now than they are in the picture...they will be 2 years old in a couple of weeks! Time flies! If I am this bad with my pups, I am going to be horrible with my children

 

[dreamqueen]

Navywife! Good on you for the PMA!!
Its amazing how quick ladies can fall pregnant after treatment for endo!! And at least having answers gives you something to work with!
I hated being in limbo...knowing SOMETHING was wrong..but not knowing what!
Aww,,,what kind of dogs are they? Such a gorgeous colour...my mum has a Blue cat!
Ive got a dog too and she is my number 1 baby! The love they give you is so unselfish and unconditional! I also have 4 cats and 2 horses! I have had to use my mothering instinct somewhere over the years!

 

[Sophe]

Hey dreamqueen how are you?

I think those Dogs are called Weineramers, not really sure how to spell it!! I have always wanted one though they are truly stunning dogs!