Mama4
Mommy to 5
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2009
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Well I am at work and unable to concentrate on anything at all. Im trying to function on about 2 hours sleep.
Last night turned into something so awful I didnt imagine...I've been plannin since cylce day 1 that starting last night would be the Big "romantic" week/weekend" as O is approaching - been very excited about it. Was quite vocal with the DH last night about my intentions long story short, came time for BDing and he suddenly "wasnt in the mood"
This on top of weeks of him being a bit aloof and distant. Nothing I've been able to pinpoint exactly but its been there. Ive felt him pulling away. Anyway, I found myself furious that he would suddenly "not be in the mood" on the very night I've been looking forward to for 2 weeks nearly. I blew up at him big time... He got up from bed, laid his wedding band on the dresser and said he wants a divorce. I am completely numb, stunned, shocked, devastated- just stupified really.
He listened to me wail and sob for a bit without offering any comfort nor explanation other than "he just doesnt feel me anymore" WHAT THE F? Finally after I exhausted myself crying and puking and begging him to say he didnt mean it...I laid down and tried to let go enuf to sleep. He then pulls me close and says "of course I want to be married to you or I would not have gone through with it" I am so hurt and confused. I only slept an hour or two at the most.
Got up this morning, woke him for work. His ring was still on the dresser, I didnt know what to do, I got it and slipped it back on his finger while he "pretended" to still be asleep tho I knew he was awake enuf. He hugged me a couple times - never ever said he was sorry for ripping my heart out or making have a mini stroke (its what this numbness feels like) He simply said "I will think about you alot today. And I wont take this off anymore." Then he left. He has since sent me a text message saying "Love u baby. I wont leave u. Im still here. Dont stress today."
I know this is out of control and long as hell. If anyone happens to read thru this I sure could use some words of encouragement. This was supposed to be our romantic weekend with no kids coming up and now I feel so belittled and deflated and unwanted. His attitude towards me was so indifferent when I was breaking to pieces in front of him - I still feel lost and like he did mean what he said - if he really loved me could he possibly be so cold hearted and unfeeling? Ive been so stupid thinking he meant his promises and he really wanted a baby with me....now I feel like he doesnt really even like me and my marriage may be over...
Just had to get this out- thought it might help me get through this hellish day a bit better somehow.
Last night turned into something so awful I didnt imagine...I've been plannin since cylce day 1 that starting last night would be the Big "romantic" week/weekend" as O is approaching - been very excited about it. Was quite vocal with the DH last night about my intentions long story short, came time for BDing and he suddenly "wasnt in the mood"
This on top of weeks of him being a bit aloof and distant. Nothing I've been able to pinpoint exactly but its been there. Ive felt him pulling away. Anyway, I found myself furious that he would suddenly "not be in the mood" on the very night I've been looking forward to for 2 weeks nearly. I blew up at him big time... He got up from bed, laid his wedding band on the dresser and said he wants a divorce. I am completely numb, stunned, shocked, devastated- just stupified really.
He listened to me wail and sob for a bit without offering any comfort nor explanation other than "he just doesnt feel me anymore" WHAT THE F? Finally after I exhausted myself crying and puking and begging him to say he didnt mean it...I laid down and tried to let go enuf to sleep. He then pulls me close and says "of course I want to be married to you or I would not have gone through with it" I am so hurt and confused. I only slept an hour or two at the most.
Got up this morning, woke him for work. His ring was still on the dresser, I didnt know what to do, I got it and slipped it back on his finger while he "pretended" to still be asleep tho I knew he was awake enuf. He hugged me a couple times - never ever said he was sorry for ripping my heart out or making have a mini stroke (its what this numbness feels like) He simply said "I will think about you alot today. And I wont take this off anymore." Then he left. He has since sent me a text message saying "Love u baby. I wont leave u. Im still here. Dont stress today."
I know this is out of control and long as hell. If anyone happens to read thru this I sure could use some words of encouragement. This was supposed to be our romantic weekend with no kids coming up and now I feel so belittled and deflated and unwanted. His attitude towards me was so indifferent when I was breaking to pieces in front of him - I still feel lost and like he did mean what he said - if he really loved me could he possibly be so cold hearted and unfeeling? Ive been so stupid thinking he meant his promises and he really wanted a baby with me....now I feel like he doesnt really even like me and my marriage may be over...
Just had to get this out- thought it might help me get through this hellish day a bit better somehow.