I really want a home birth but I feel the odds are stacked against me

[GD29]

Hi

I'm not pregnant (yet) but for years I thought about having a home birth. I just feel much better at home when I'm ill or in pain because of the distractions and the comfort of knowing my surroundings. But my partner wants me to go to hospital and I just carn't bring myself to tell him I am petrified of them. The last time I had to go to a hospital was last year, it was because my grandmother was very ill and I was only in for ten minutes. I just had to go out, the noises, the smells and the people made me have some nasty heart palpitations and I came over very light-headed and hot and felt ill. I had to rush out nearly in tears because I only got to see gran for a few minutes. I got outside and smoked and stayed there for the whole hour until everyone else came down and we left. Its horrible and Its not just hospitals ( although they are the worst) its doctors, shops, anywhere where there is lots of strange people. I have always had this issue. Nobody knows and when I mentioned it in the past I just got called stupid.

I want a calm birth not a wild panic attack. I timidly suggested to my partner that I could stay at home and go in later when the contractions get stronger and the waters broke, but he just gazed at me and told me not to be so silly, that it was my first birth and what if something went wrong blah blah.
Does he think I don't know all that?!?

Also there is the issue that we are stopping with my mother and disabled brother until our savings build up more for the future and now we have 3 dogs and a cat in the home (2 dogs and cat are ours). I don't know if the animals would pose a threat during the birth (or of course we could just pop them in a seperate room).

What on earth would a midwife think, everyone thinks its a blooming madhouse as it is. We have room and money for a baby though and its a loving enviroment.

Still a madhouse is a madhouse and I'm really worried and upset over the thought of having to even go near a hospital, let alone kept in one for however long I may need to be. Oh my god it will be a disastor I just know it will, I'll probably panic and jump out of the window during labour or something.

Any ideas, this is relavent because I'm afraid its really bugging and I carn't speak to anyone at home about it

 

[wigglywoo]

Do some research about how safe homebirth actually is. Try to explain your feelings to him and tell him that feeling safe and relaxed is very important for giving birth. If you don't feel safe (as you wouldn't in a hospital by the sounds of it) then you will not be able to birth as effectively. Also, is he aware of how many problems are actually caused by interventions in hospital that could be avoided by birthing at home? Most people aren't and as a society we have been brainwashed into believing that hospital means safe. This is not always the case.

www.homebirth.org.uk is a good starting point. There is also a book which gets recommended a lot for Dads to be which I think is called The Father's Guide to Homebirth or something along those lines. Could be helpful to suggest you read it together.

Don't worry about the animals. If they can be shut in another room then they wont be a problem. Most MWs will have attended births with lots of animals before so they wont bat an eyelid! You may want to send your Mum and brother out though, depending on how comfortable you feel birthing with them in the house. I personally wouldn't feel comfortable with anyone other than DH and DD in the house but that's me and I know everyone has different comfort levels.

Good luck. Men can be stubborn but if you can show him facts and figures then he's more likely to come around to your point of view. If that doesn't work, just pull the 'When you give birth, you get to choose where to do it' card

 

[chuck]

I dont see any issues that cannot be overcome hun.

Speak with your partner properly, knowledge is power - get him to look at some info/stats about the safety of HB too (men love their stats).

If your Ma is happy for you to birth at home then great you have an extra bod around to take care of the animals etc.

Or how about a compromise...is there a birth centre you could go to? Theyre so different to hospital high risk units.

 

[fuffyburra]

I agree, knowledge is power, and the most important thing here is that YOU'RE the one pushing the kid out of you, not OH lol. When I mentioned homebirth my mum was shocked, and even now she says stuff like 'baby could wear this outfit home from the hospital...' but a midwife is going to help you decide on where to give birth based on where you'll feel most comfortable. Everyone else has to just go with it, pretty much. They have no choice

Arm yourself with every bit of knowledge, and every statistic, and don't back down good luck dear x x

 

[Enough]

I feel the same way about hospitals. A homebirth is so much calmer and helped me feel more confident in giving birth.

 

[nikki-lou25]

Gain as much knowledge as you can hun and talk it through. I know how you feel, I've been there but I didn't need to convince my hubby. Good luck - failing a homebirth are there any birth centres near you xxx